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Old 09-04-2006, 01:05 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: RI, USA
Posts: 15
SilentShadow96 HB User
Question broken heart..lonely...confused...i dont know.

sorry this is so long...i needed to get this out...please help?

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend of two years, and I just broke up 2 months and 14 days ago. whenever i think im doing ok, something always brings me back to him.

we broke up 8 days before our 2 year anniversary and i love him more than anything but after 2 years he still couldnt say "i love you" and he got mad at some stupid things...but whatever...i took it all in and didnt talk to him for a while...we had originally planned ahead of time that we would go see pirates of the caribbean when it came out and we did and when i saw him, he laid down with me and we slept together that night...after a while, he told me he liked someone else but we still continued to have sex and he told her how he felt and she rejected him but i kept my distance, he should be the one to make the move...right? i mean, we would talk as friends b/c we were friends to begin with..

so i would sleep at his house b/c for the whole 2 years we were together, we cuddled everynight...and we would cuddle and then have sex and he would stop cuddling with me..i told him i still loved him and blah blah blah and he said he didnt see us ever getting back together...fine...so i keep my distance again...and just lst weekend he calls me and asks if i want to cuddle and ive just been SO incredibly lonely so i said yea but i had to work the next day and i ended up staying home...well the next day i brought him a coffee at work and he asked me to sleep over and i said yes and i went over and he wasnt there, but he left his key out for me. so i went up and fell asleep..he got home at like 3am and cuddled with me...then i woke up and we had sex and he continued to cuddle with me...throughout the night AND the morning...it felt sooo good and ever since then hes been avoiding me and ive just been hurt more than ever...it seems like ill never get him off my mind...

he just does things sometimes that make me think he has feelings like cuddles with me alll night and brings me food and stuff when im at work and wants to spend our hour lunches together and never fails to visit me at work when hes on his hour and i dont have one (we work across the st from each other)...i just cant help but think he still has feelings and hes trying to hide them...

sorry this is so long..i just have a lot of emotions right now that i cant get out....i dont know what he wants and when i ask he says he doesnt see us together, then why cuddle with me and have sex still and bring me coffee and food??

i try to move on but i know what i want and i think thats why im so upset over this....because i try to move on and when i think ill be ok, he comes back stronger than ever and its just a horrible feeling...

<3 Kristen

 
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Old 09-04-2006, 01:42 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 70
HeWillBeStrong HB User
Re: broken heart..lonely...confused...i dont know.

I feel terrible for you, honestly I do.

It sounds like he's confused as to what he wants. He's also being selfish, from what I can gather. I completely understand why you would want to go over and cuddle with him. But I really don't think it's fair to you, at all. Why would he want to go out with you and have more of an attachment, when you are there for him any time he is lonely? You cuddle with him and have sex with him...he has the best of both worlds. It's completely selfish of him to ask of you. And it really sucks, because you love him, so of course you want to be close to him if the option arises.

Maybe he does have feelings for you, maybe not. Maybe he cares about you but just doesn't want to be in a relationship...I mean, he has all of the perks, so to speak, and doesn't have to deal with the negative aspect of a more serious relationship. He could like spending time with you, which is why he brings you food and sees you at lunch, but just doesn't want to be in a relationship. Maybe you should talk to him about it.

Of course you can't get him off of your mind...how can you fully move on from someone who you keep cuddling and having sex with? I'm not trying to be harsh at all, but it's going to be impossible for you to move on if you continue to see him like that. It's going to prolong the pain, and you deserve to be happy.

Perhaps you can tell him that you love him, and that's where you stand. But unless he wants something more serious, you can't just come over and be his late night cuddle/sex person. You are worth a lot more than that. He isn't being fair to you, and you should say something. If he still says he doesn't want anything serious...then maybe you should just ask that he not call or, or not answer when he does.

Of course I know all of this is a lot easier said than done. I honestly wish you all the luck in the world with this.

 
Old 09-04-2006, 11:24 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,420
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: broken heart..lonely...confused...i dont know.

I'm sorry, but the way it sounds is that he is just using you for sex and companionship since he isn't able to find anyone else, and you always make yourself available to him. He keeps reiterating that he doesn't want to get back together, doesn't want a relationship, doesn't love you.

It's hard sometimes for women to understand, but men are often easily capable of separating sex and emotions. Just because he is sleeping with you doesn't necessarily mean he has feelings for you...not to be crass, but it is just a way to get off.

If he's telling you that he doesn't see the two of you "together", then you are doing yourself a big dis-service and hurting yourself all the more by continuing to sleep with him and get your hopes up. He's getting what he wants, while you're not getting what you want.

Then only way to get over him is to just move on completely, cut off all contact. It's not easy, but the more you keep this up, the longer you're going to torture yourself.
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Old 09-04-2006, 12:51 PM   #4
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2
Aten-Re HB User
Re: broken heart..lonely...confused...i dont know.

Must agree, it sounds like you have become a regular thing for him, and he knows he can get away with it (trust me im a bloke),

You want to test this, there is 1 very simple way to do it, be strong in doing this... next time he wants to see you, tell him you are not available, and that you are having a drink with a male work friend, see his reaction. If he cares for you at all this will make him think twice about his actions and that you are more than a piece of action. If he doesnt, then thats all you are to him. sorry, harsh but true.

 
Old 09-04-2006, 04:48 PM   #5
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2
foottickler HB User
Re: broken heart..lonely...confused...i dont know.

As a guy, let me tell you that he is just using you for sex. This is not something you want to hear, but I tell ya, this is what's happening.

J

 
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