Have to admit...I have the Monday Blues.
Afer a summer of holidays, weddings and generally fun, fun, fun (!) I feel a little at loss to know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I suppose it's easy to fell positive when the sun is shining and there's nothing to worry about! Trust the good old English weather to bring you back down to earth with a bump.
Romantically, i'm trying to keep my chin up. Why is it everywhere you look there seems to be happy couples and people making plans, except you.
I'm attractive (so I've been told), good fun, no major hang ups e.t.c., get on really well with men . . .however following a split from my ex (of 2 years) last autumn things haven't been great -not dull, but not great.
Number 1 man - (he's still in touch and loves me to pieces apparently) Took me away lots, we make each other laugh, the sex is amazing, perfect in every way except - HE HAS A LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND! Doesn't compare to me, he's trapped, he's going to leave her blah, blah, blah. haven't seen him since March as I made a conscious effort to protect myself and end it but it's hard when he's still in touch and in an ideal world I'd love to be together.
Number 2 - mega keen on me but a little strange.Isn't it always the way!
Number 3 -very brief affair. Girlfriend. Deja vu anyone!
Number4 - an old flame that i used to date when I was 18, all quite platonic is those days as there was quite an age gap. Anyway, went old holiday and met up with him as he was working where I was staying. Cue 2 week, full on romance -like nothing I'd ever known. He was due home in a couple of weeks and gives me the impression that we'd pick up where we left off. I have no reason to doubt as we had a history and we'd been friends for over 10 years. In my book,, friends don't hurt each other. How wrong I was. He comes home and it's like we'd never happened, he's slippery as hell, he finally tells me (by text) that he wants to be best mates and it was an unbelievable two weeks "mate'. Bizarre. I've seen him a couple of times since but all very weird. Also met an off/on girlfriend of his - is this a factor, who knows? But without being up my own arse, I was very disappointed in his taste. It happened a couple of months ago and it hit me quite hard. I even went to see a counsellor as I was really hurt.
Number 5 - very recent. Been on a couple of dates. Lovely guy but I don't think it will go anywhere. he's twenty years older with two grown up kids.
Just generally quite sad about stuff. Tears in my eyes writing this. i had a really bad time with my ex and think that I did well to come out of the other side but I don't know what else it out there for me.
I've been so positive and full of fun but it feels as though it's all been knocked out of me.
I'm in debt and feel quite lonely, even though i have lots of friends.
Thanks for reading.
xx
