I was out with my GF (we met about 5 months ago now). So a couple nights ago, we go out to a club. She's a natural flirt and I'm kinda laid back. She's out and about flirting and dancing, and I'm chatting it up with the bartender.
So she comes over and we're talking and this dude and hiis buddy come over and begin to chat her up. They want me to take a photo of her with their cell phone and I oblige - part of her aura. Again she's a flirt, so I'm like whatever. I'm like OK, she's going to be busy for a while, so I move to chat with a couple friends at the other side. When I come back she's still there talking, but you know, I'm a bit 'restless' and frisky and hell, she's MY GIRL! (figuratively) So I move in and wedge myself in between, look at the dude to move on and begin to say something to her. Before a word comes out, this dude reaches over, takes her hand, kisses it and drags her away from me. Now there would have been one brawl at this time, but I am too stunned. She GOES with the dude and starts dances with him, he's all over her like an octopus on a clam. And she's all smiling at me like there's nothing wrong.
I leave. I was too angry. And I didn't know who to kill first.
Afterwards, I confide my angry feelings in a friend over the phone who happens to be a woman. The next day, guess what? She's mad at ME for "Telling the world that I am a ****. And going to another woman for comfort - I'm a hypocrite for being angry at her." !?! I never said she was a **** nor did I say she was being slutty. All I talked about with my friend, was how angry and humiliated I feel.
I mean I really do like her, but I feel what she did was very disrespectful. Seriously, if she wanted a night out herself or with the girls or whatever, why didn't she just say so to me? I'm cool that way and we would have just met up later in the evening or the next morning.
I know I don't own her, but seriously, if I did that to a woman, I'd be single (with a drink on me) in a second. Anyway, I would never do that to any woman.
I am in the right, no? I'd like to have a serious discussion with her, and arrive at an understanding of each other's expectations. I just don't know how to approach it now, that she's mad at me and doesn't want to talk to me.
Last edited by foottickler; 09-04-2006 at 05:40 PM.
I definately agree with you. What she did wasn't right and was rather disrespectful but its possible that it might just be something that kind of just happened in the heat of the moment that she just kind of spontaneously did and was not directly trying to be disrespectful. (not that it makes it right, but it might atleast offer an explanation).
What I would do is have a talk with her, tell her you were bothered by her actions and tell her that she would have felt the same way in the same situation and see what she says. She also shouldnt be mad at you because you had a need to vent. You were angry and you needed to get it off your chest somehow.
Tell her your only upset over it because you care for her and it hurt you to see what was happening. She should be able to understand, if not then maybe shes just not right for you. But go with the truth, its always best.
well, i think there was a better way to handle this than walking out. I think she was basically testing the waters with you. She kept doing things, it was all fine with you, so she just kept going. Some couples think this is a game. Some guys actually like to see that other guys are attracted to his girl, because it makes him feel all big and bad, like, "they all want her, but I have her!!".
Basically, I don't agree with what she did, because those games just don't appeal to me. But, you didn't seem to mind anything else she did leading up to that. Why couldn't you just, when the other guy grabbed her hand and pulled her away, gone up to them and asked her if she'd go talk to you for a second, and explained that it bothered you that she was letting this guy be all over her? IT was a dance floor, I'm sure that they couldn't have gotten too far, too fast. If he tries to drag her away from you again, there's nothing wrong with you letting him know that it's your girl and he needs to take a hike.
I think you both have some talking to do. If going out like that is going to be part of your relationship, you both need to set guidelines that work for both of you. Like, you don't mind if she dances with other guys, but no groping or hand-kissing. Or, you might have to suck it up and join her on the dance floor. If she wants to dance, and you're not willing to go out there with her, what else is she going to do but dance with other guys?
I think you did EXACTLY the right thing by walking out. Who needs a big arguement in a bar? Usually, people have been drinking, people say things they regret, and the next thing you know a bar-fight breaks out. I can't say I blame you for being really upset, what she did crossed the line. You have every right to talk to a good friend, be it male of female about the situation.
I have to add, b/c the stories are similar, and tell ya what happened w me and my bf. We were sitting, having a drink at a bar, (well I was drinking alcohol) but anyway, he went to the bathroom and this guy came up and talked to me. I am very friendly, and this guy was not anyone I'd ever be attracted to. Old man, whatever.
ANyhow, I told my bf the convo when he got back, b/c I thought he would find it funny. he didn't. I told him I told the guy, "My bf is in the bathroom, you know." and told him he said back to me.."well he's not here right now is he?"
My bf was p/o bigtime. He said something to the guy and was not happy with me for not shutting him down harder. I tried to plead my case, that I wasn't remotely attracted, he said I talk to everyone and it was disrespectful to him..
To make matters worse...when I was walking out, the old guy said bye to me adn shook my hand. I reciprocated. BAD IDEA, and not sure why I did but my bf was p/o. He said I disrespecteed him, not that he was jealous. He was absolutely right, and I had to see that. It was very disrespectful on my part, adn had the tables been turned, I would've been furious. I profusely apologized and learned a valuable lesson. Flirting, or allowing a guy to flirt with you while out on a date with your bf is wrong, any way you slice it.
Your GF was dead wrong. I don't think you did anything wrong at all--there's losts of different things you could've done, but what you did was just fine, adn not over the top at all..
I think this there's no definite right/wrong in this incident--it's purely situational. Lots of couples go out to bars and clubs, and don't mind their significant other talking to others. LIke I said before, that lifestyle is so NOT for me, but I also know couples who even think it's funny when their bf/gf gets hit on. Also, what is "flirting" anyway? Can you never talk to anyone of the opposite sex and it not be considered "flirting"?
Bottom line, different couples have different levels of security with one another. My fiance is in a band, and when they play out, lots of girls try to flirt with him. It comes with the territory. But you know what? If he acted rude to these girls and told them to take a hike, they'd lose a lot of their audience. So I see him politely end conversation as soon as he can, and he comes right over to me. I mean, if some chick grabbed him and started making out w/ him it would **** me off, but I don't think you can stop everyone from flirting with your significant other. All you really can control is how they handle it. And like I said before, it can be handled in a number of ways. It should be something that you talk about before the situation comes up.
She is the type that would push to see how far she can go just for the fun of it. She probably would rather see the brawl then see you back out. She will always want to be with the last person standing. Her loyalty will only lies with the reigning champion.........yada yada yada...
I think she was being disrespectful to you. I have to say though that you let it go too far from the beginning. She was obviously testing you to see how much she could get away with. Why would you let some guy take a photo of your girl? By doing that you showed the guy that she was fair game. He obviously didn't think the two of you were an item because you didn't step in to make it clear to this guy that she was yours.
I don't think she should be dancing with other men when she is out on a date with you. She could have politely said thanks for asking but I am here with my boyfriend and the guy would have left to move onto an available girl.
I think the situation may have been a bit different if this guy were a good friend of yours and you were all out together but this guy is a stranger - hence he wants your girl and it is not innocent.
Out of all my experience with my husband and from girl friends of mine - none of the guys I know would have thought that behaviour was ok by any means - most guys would not have been able to keep their cool like you did (you have a lot of patience!). I have seen fist fights start over less than this.
We were sitting at a bar one night and the guy sitting at the table behind me kept putting his hands through my hair - I didn't notice it at first because I have long hair but then after a couple times I did and my husband was not at the table as he was in the washroom but his brother saw it and told him point blank to stop it - well he didn't - so my brother in law got up and told him once again very angrily, my husband came back and was filled in on what happened and then got up in the guys face and asked him what he thought he was doing putting his hands in my hair and he just said it was so nice he had to touch it with a smile on his face - my husband was angry and almost got into a fight with the guy before the bouncer came over - we all left before it broke out.
Hence, you did the right thing by not getting into a fight as those scenes are never pleasant and you do not owe her an apology for confiding your feelings. Next time though make it clear she is yours when you two are out. If she continues to behave this way in front of you who knows what she will do behind your back - if so either pull the reigns a little tighter on her behaviour or drop her for a girl that will appreciate you.