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Old 09-05-2006, 05:04 PM   #1
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Red face Trust issues or reasonable concern?

I have a stumper that has been keeping me up at night.

The long story is, I have been with the same guy for over a year, but 6 months ago we split up because he was having emotional/sexual relationships behind my back with other women via the phone and internet. (his friend's girlfriends, and a friend of my own)

He did a lot to make it up to me, and I have been working hard to regain 100% trust in him.

A few days ago, however, I visited him only to find he had once again contacted one of the women he was messing around with behind my back. He had not spoken to her since the incident, and suddenly was trying to get back in touch with her. (despite the fact that she had not contacted him.)

I reacted badly. All of the old hurt came right back. I yelled at him and accused him of being disrespectful and having less-than-honest motives. Later though I took the time to face my fears and speak to the woman myself. She was genuinely sorry for what she had done and I felt that I could trust her, so I calmed down a great deal and apologized to him for over-reacting.

Since then however, he has been angry with me and barely speaks to me. His claim is that he did not deserve my anger because "it was innocent" and that I have "trust issues."

I, however, can't imagine any healthy woman in my shoes would have been comfortable in the same situation.

So I guess I just want to know from an unbiased opinion if I have "trust issues" or if my reaction was normal and healthy. That will help me pick a course of action from here.

Thanks

 
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Old 09-05-2006, 05:09 PM   #2
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

I think you handled it well (i would have flipped) lol but i dont think you have trust issues you have every right not to trust him he brought that on himself he on the other hand should have behaved knowing that he messed up the first time and that you were nice enought to give him another chance.

And the fact that hes mad at you for getting mad at him isnt a good sign. Did he expect you to be happy that he was trying to contact someone with whom he cheated on you with?

Good luck.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 06:14 PM   #3
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

Wow! Are you kidding me? He gets in touch with a girl he previously messed with and gets mad at YOU for getting mad at him! How manipulative is that?!

Her motives may be sincere but I seriously doubt HIS were. He didn't get in touch with her again for nothing you know. Maybe it was only "innocent" because she wasn't interested in hooking up with him again.

What on earth would make him think it's ok to contact the very woman he cheated on you with? I'd tell him HELLyeah I have trust issues! He's an idiot!

I think your reaction shows that you're going to continue being manipulated and cheated on. A better reaction would've been to send him packing. Once fooled, shame on him. Twice fooled, shame on you. Get ready for more "trust issues".

I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh. It's just that I feel like I'm looking at a train wreck about to happen. All the whistles are blowing and the warning flags are up but you're not looking.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 07:58 PM   #4
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

wow, what you have isnt trust issues, what you have is a pro. I have been in your shoes, and believe me the anger is that he didn't get away with it, and your on to him, Not that you don't trust him. He sounds like a total cheater and you can expect for this happen throughout your relationship. He did it once for sure and was attemting to do it again.

If you stay you have to make the decision to always have "trust issues" you will always wonder when you can't reach him, he isn't where he said he was, and whenever he has a "friend" is he fooling around, and the answer will probably be yes! My ex was even brave enough to introduce me to them, so I would be less likely to suspect. If you have to wonder, then he is so not worth being with.....

Sorry for not saying what I think you want to hear.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 08:07 PM   #5
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

Looooo-zeerrrrrrr. I mean him, not you. Please do yourself the biggest favor ever and DITCH this loser! There is no trust here, there shouldn't be. He has already proven himself untrustworthy. He's not going to change. I had one of those myself and I thankfully wised up and kicked him to the curb. I advise you do the same or else you'll spend the rest of your life wondering whether or not he's still cheating. It's not worth it, trust me. HE is not worth it.

Dump the loser and don't look back. Seriously.

 
Old 09-06-2006, 03:44 AM   #6
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

Sorry, all reactions seems in place actually. The key here is that he was guilty of cheating, and once a cheater always a cheater, at least with you he'll always be. So over react or not, you have the right to be concerned.

Heck, I was and am never guilty for cheating or issues related to it but I still get monthly interigations anyways. I don't get mad over it anymore, just tired, that's all.

 
Old 09-06-2006, 05:32 AM   #7
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Angry Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

Oh my gosh....Is this jerk for real??? He thinks you should trust him and he's mad because he got caught and is now not able to fullfill his little sex thing with this woman???? DUMP THIS LOSER QUICK!!!!!!! He will never change, I promise you! You deserve better than that and besides humiliating you by cheating, think of the STDs he could be subjecting you to. Send his a** packing go find a man who deserves a woman like you....because he certainly DON"T!!!! Good luck!

 
Old 09-06-2006, 06:30 AM   #8
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Re: Trust issues or reasonable concern?

trust issues? That's hilarilious! LOL
of course you have trust issues, who wouldn't if you're "boyfriend" is a lying cheat! Dump this loser pronto! He's a liar and a manipulative one at that!

 
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