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Old 09-06-2006, 06:40 AM   #1
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Not really a problem just a question...

My bf and I who live together and have been talking about marriage. We had a conversation last night and the subject came up that he has only dated 2 other women including his ex-wife and a women that he had kind of a friends with benefits type relationship with. I took this conversation as he has only "been" with two women. Now I am curious, not in a bad way. I don't care if he has been with a hundred other women or two other women I love him to death. I am just "curious". Is it wrong to be curious about this kind of thing? I have only ever had one other serious relationship and he was my first and new it and it was told to me in the begining never to ask him how many women he had been with. It wasn't even like I brought it up he just told me not to. So kind of unspoken that it was quite a high number. Should I not take it any further and just let it go? If I do ask and he then asks me is he going to be upset that I have been with more men then he has women? Not that I have been with a huge number of men, but more then 2 others, 3 actually. How would a guy look at this? I might add he is 36 and I am 22. He was also married for many years, 15 I think. Is this something couples discuss??

 
Old 09-06-2006, 07:04 AM   #2
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Re: Not really a problem just a question...

[QUOTE=lovethoscurls] Should I not take it any further and just let it go? /QUOTE]


YES - DON'T GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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Old 09-06-2006, 08:08 AM   #3
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Re: Not really a problem just a question...

Gees, this is not a competition I hope.

First of all, the past is well.....the "PAST". For better or worse, it's history. Can't change it, just learn from it.

Second, having a zillion previous partners is actually a negective thing. It might be something the college jogs brag about but certainly not what a responsible adult would consider a plus. (not to consider the risk level of STDs on top)

Last, most of "the past" is in the past because along the way something went wrong! Or else it would be "the present" And everybody should have the right to keep their skeletons in their own closets unless they volunteer to clean it out.

Curiosity is normal and good, but the subject is wrong. Too often people ventured into these areas thinking they can handle it but later found out they Can't. So do try to steer clear of past ex as conversation subjects. Really, it doesn't do ANYTHING going there.

 
Old 09-06-2006, 08:22 AM   #4
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Re: Not really a problem just a question...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
Gees, this is not a competition I hope.

Not at all! It just made me curious because it amazed me (in a good way) that he had only had two other partners. I just don't know many people that have only had three partners. Quite an accomplishment actually.

You are both probably right though. I should leave it alone, and just be happy in knowing (or thinking, I guess) that I am one of a special few...

 
Old 09-06-2006, 09:53 PM   #5
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Re: Not really a problem just a question...

I say go there, but with a loving heart, open arms, non-judgemental attitude.

Just listen, but don't evaluate his worth based on what he shares.

You never know what you are going to find out...something you might need to know, like that he used to be into lots of orgies or something. In that case, I wouldn't judge him, but I would ask him, "what changed?" And if you are loving about it, I am sure he will be much less apprehensive to share the truth.

 
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