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Old 09-06-2006, 10:58 AM   #1
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SusanGene HB User
Unhappy Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

My daughter , 36, and her husband live 300 miles from us and want me to come there for 5 days to stay with their children, 4 and 7, while they "get away" alone. So far, that sounds ok, right?
The problem is the OTHER grandmother lives 5 miles from them and she's 20 years younger than we are Plus my DD has 2 HUGE St Bernard dogs that scare me to death. And, we have 2 little bichons.
She does not want the other grandmother, 43, to stay with her kids since "she's not a fun grandmother and she spanks."
I do not know what to do. This daughter has never given us a second's trouble; she's wonderful. And we have a big RV we could take, too. But I am supposed to feed those dogs and put them in their pen for the night. If they even STEPPED on our dogs it would kill them. Our dogs are very frightened of the St Bernard's. They are the biggest of the breed.
I would have the option of sleeping in the RV w/my husband and the kids OR I could sleep in my DD's queen bed w/the kids sleeping in their rooms OR the kids could sleep w/us in the RV. I'd have to get them ready for school and for bed and cook dinner for them and the other grandmother MIGHT drive them to school and pick them up as a favor to me.
Please; what should I do? What would YOU guys do? Anyone??
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Old 09-06-2006, 11:58 AM   #2
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Shorty39 HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

What does DD stand for? -------Daughter. Ok. Well it kinda sounds like you really don't want to even go. How often do you see your grandchildren & daughter? Can you leave you dogs with someone else back home? And maybe I'll better be able to help you out if you can answer a few of these questions. Thank You and I'll be thinking while awaiting your reply.

 
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Old 09-06-2006, 12:15 PM   #3
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SusanGene HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty39
What does DD stand for? -------Daughter. Ok. Well it kinda sounds like you really don't want to even go. How often do you see your grandchildren & daughter? Can you leave you dogs with someone else back home? And maybe I'll better be able to help you out if you can answer a few of these questions. Thank You and I'll be thinking while awaiting your reply.
Yes, it stands for dear daughter. As far as wanting to go, I wouldn't even hesitate if I only had to consider myself and my DH. But between trying to keep HIM contented (he's not a "kid" person) and being terrified of her dogs I get bad feelings about this. Last time we were there (we see them twice or three times a year)
our bichon saw that one of her dogs got out and she raced underneath our RV and stayed there, screaming. I think SHE should leave her dogs at the kennel; my husband refuses to pay kennels to keep our dogs. He is the one who wanted the dogs; I didn't. But that's beside the point. This will be the longest the kids have been away from their mother; 5 days. They can be a handful, yes, and their cat is the worst. She tries to bite you when you walk by her. Luckily, my DD had her declawed since she did the scratch thing, too. And the cat stays inside. It would be quite a job but as I said I'd be willing to do it were it not for those dogs. She drives a Ford Expedition and the biggest dog won't even fit inside; the vet has to come to their house.
I guess I'm sounding like the worst coward; maybe I am. THANK YOU.
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Old 09-06-2006, 12:38 PM   #4
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

Can your DD drop the kids off with you and your DH before they leave? Then have the other grandmother or a good friend house-sit or check in on the pets? I know that one couple in our group of friends, when they go on vacation alone, the children go to grandma's house about four hours away, and my friends' neighbors check in on the dogs. Everyone seems happy with that.

She's a wonderful daughter. She'll understand that this is just too much for you guys, and she must know that if your DH is not a "kid" person, you're basically going to responsible here for four dogs, two of which are huge and frighten you, a cat that bites, plus the grandchildren. I have two large labs, and I often run into this problem myself. I'd much rather someone be honest with me about their concerns up front than have an emergency while I'm gone.

You just need to express your concerns to her about the fact that this is simply too much for you, that you'd be happy to watch the kids, but they'll either need to put their dogs at another friend/relative's house or kennel them, or the kids will need to come to you and they'll need to make other arrangements for their pets.

Best of luck! I'm sure if you talk to your daughter about this, y'all will come up with a good solution.

 
Old 09-06-2006, 01:13 PM   #5
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

I don't think your daughter is trying to take advantage of you, or even assuming too much really. Most grandmothers would jump at the chance to have their grandchildren all to themselves for a week. I think she's overlooking the fact that the dogs are a problem for you. Easy solution? Tell her. Tell her exactly what you want to do. If you don't really want to go take care of the kids, then make something up, tell her you're busy. If you don't mind going and watching the kids and taking them to school and all that, but don't feel comfortable with the dogs there, tell her that too. Your own little dogs are a perfect excuse.

I think you should be flattered that she'd rather you care for the kids than their other grandmother who lives conveniently closer. It means the kids probably like you better, and she feels like you'd take better care of them.

 
Old 09-06-2006, 01:34 PM   #6
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SusanGene HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

Quote:
Originally Posted by StenoLady1
Can your DD drop the kids off with you and your DH before they leave? Then have the other grandmother or a good friend house-sit or check in on the pets? I know that one couple in our group of friends, when they go on vacation alone, the children go to grandma's house about four hours away, and my friends' neighbors check in on the dogs. Everyone seems happy with that.

She's a wonderful daughter. She'll understand that this is just too much for you guys, and she must know that if your DH is not a "kid" person, you're basically going to responsible here for four dogs, two of which are huge and frighten you, a cat that bites, plus the grandchildren. I have two large labs, and I often run into this problem myself. I'd much rather someone be honest with me about their concerns up front than have an emergency while I'm gone.

You just need to express your concerns to her about the fact that this is simply too much for you, that you'd be happy to watch the kids, but they'll either need to put their dogs at another friend/relative's house or kennel them, or the kids will need to come to you and they'll need to make other arrangements for their pets.

Best of luck! I'm sure if you talk to your daughter about this, y'all will come up with a good solution.
This means so much to me to have you guys helping out. It really, really does.
No; she can't or won't drop the kids off with me first because she'd be driving 5 hours south to do that (or less, if we met them somewhere)but mostly because one or two of the days are SCHOOL DAYS and she's the type that would feel like Most Wanted if she let her kids miss school. If she DID do that , which she wouldn't because of school , yes she probably could find someone to come take care of those dogs. They have Many friends but it would still be quite a request--take them out of their pens in the morning,
leave, then come back and put them in their pens at dusk. It would be interesting to know if any of their male friends are actually not afraid of those dogs.
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Old 09-06-2006, 01:45 PM   #7
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SusanGene HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

Quote:
Originally Posted by redsoxgirl2418
I don't think your daughter is trying to take advantage of you, or even assuming too much really. Most grandmothers would jump at the chance to have their grandchildren all to themselves for a week. I think she's overlooking the fact that the dogs are a problem for you. Easy solution? Tell her. Tell her exactly what you want to do. If you don't really want to go take care of the kids, then make something up, tell her you're busy. If you don't mind going and watching the kids and taking them to school and all that, but don't feel comfortable with the dogs there, tell her that too. Your own little dogs are a perfect excuse.

I think you should be flattered that she'd rather you care for the kids than their other grandmother who lives conveniently closer. It means the kids probably like you better, and she feels like you'd take better care of them.
I agree; when I mention the dogs she sort of changes the subject like she's not hearing me. I would LOVE to be with the kids, not for 5 days actually, but no one can time these matters to suit themselves.
I am kind of flattered that she'd rather I care for the kids; she has told me they like me better than the other grandmother-I guess because I like to make them laugh? But there are deeper issues here I think; I think my DD wants to send a message to her husband that "YOU may not think much of my mom but YOUR CHILDREN AND I DO AND WE ARE GOING TO SPEND TIME WITH MOM." Her husband is sort of a jerk in that he doesn't care for people who don't work. He cannot abide by laziness of any sort. He actually (this will kill ya) told me he'd rather his mother (the other grandmother) MOP FLOORS than do nothing KNOWING that 1) the lady taught for a couple years severely disabled children full time for pay and 2) they have abandoned oil wells in the family (not MY family) that are now producing like mad and making them (my DD's in laws) wealthy. So there might even be some jealousy there between my DD and her MIL. I have a feeling the other grandmother won't be available when this cozy vacation occurs. I have been told that "most grandmothers would jump at the chance, etc" but you'd be surprised the percentage of them that get burned out really quickly with little kids when they're used to total silence all day
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Old 09-06-2006, 02:24 PM   #8
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SusanGene HB User
Re: Caring for DD's Kids and 2 St Bernards???

ok; I just had a talk w/my husband. He said he's not real comfortable being at someone ELSE'S house for 5 days when it involves the possible use of light verbal discipline and that my DD is asking for a favor. And when you ask for favors, he says, you can't always have things exactly as you'd like.
So he said to tell her that we would pick the kids up at the halfway mark and bring them back to our house (about 4 hours of driving total) and that they can find someone to look after the st bernards. He even said he would agree to spend just 2 days at their house and let deb babysit the other 3 days but I said no, I do not want our dogs around their dogs and that awful cat.
So that's what I'll tell her; that they'll have to miss one or two days of school and we'll bring them back here to our house for 5 days.
but I bet she won't do it. I bet she won't let them miss school.
Anyhow, it isn't until November. thanks so much!!!!!
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