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Old 09-08-2006, 08:36 AM   #1
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lyncy HB User
Unhappy Between two lovers...

I really dunno what to do.I have a boyfriend now and we live together.At first, things were great between us before we live together, but slowly it changed. Also he work sometimes from 2pm till 11pm and sometimes from 6am to 3pm and even over night and back in the early morning.Whenever he is in the house or have days off, he just love to spent more time with his computer or watching TV often until 3am. He is not so attentive to my needs,even how i told him so that i need his time and that i feel lonely.He just told me to chat. And i do so, one way i can enjoy myself at home after doing house chores, is chatting.
Now in chat, i met this guy and his so nice and sweet with me.I had great times with him and i told him what i miss in my other bf whom i live now ....Now my problems, i know i cheated with my bf,but what can i do?no matter how much i told him i need him, his not always there for me...I care about him and i dont really want or plan to leave him...

After few weeks metting this guy online(2nd guy) i decided to cut the contact because i felt i fall for him already. and because i realize it is just not right any more.I have been not replying his text with me and i wrote email to him that i dont want to have any contact from him any more.But.. i do miss him physically. I just can't get satisfaction in bed with my bf who i live together now.

My bf that i live with now he gave me the things i need,he gave me money to buy what i like but his attention his time with me is so so seldom even sex is so seldom...I discuss it to him how lonely i am and longing for his time to share with me but until now still no change.

The other guy,i am happy in bed with him,his so sweet with me when were together and telling me that i am the girl he dream of,but the thing i dont like, he goes to Asia often in a year in Thailand and i know what he do there like spending time with womans,visiting bars...

i do not know which is which.im so frustrated...Do you have any opinion with my situation???thank you in advance...

Lyn...

Ps, im sorry with my english and if my story is vague...

 
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Old 09-08-2006, 08:40 AM   #2
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Re: Between two lovers...

well I guess you will have to decide what's more important to you?
money or affection?

 
Old 09-08-2006, 10:45 AM   #3
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Re: Between two lovers...

I would say that it is time for you to be on your own -- as a SINGLE woman!!! Your current relationship isn't working, it doesn't sound like you're even in love with the BF you live with -- it sounds like he is just there to provide you with money. But you're sleeping with someone else and that is not fair to the guy you live with even if he doesn't give you any attention. So time to move on and move out. Plus it can feel good to be able to support yourself. Do you work? Is it possible for you to move out?

As far as the other guy, I wouldn't recommend going right from one relationship to the next. I think that a person needs time in between. Plus, it sounds to me like your relationship with this other guy is mostly about sex, for both you and I'm sure especially him. Is that what you want to base a relationship on, sex? And, how does he even feel about a committed relationship with you? I would also be VERY suspicious of the trips to Thailand especially if you know he visits women there. Prostitution is pretty common in Thailand, I think. If you sleep with him after he's slept with a prostitute, chances are good that you could catch a disease, possibly a disease without a cure.

Your current relationship isn't changing, things aren't good, and you're cheating on him. The other guy is nice to you when you're together in bed, but of course a man is going to be nice to the woman who is having sex with him, and it sounds like he has sex with different women when he goes to Thailand. Plus, it sounds like you haven't known him for very long.

I say get out on your own for awhile then find someone new.

 
Old 09-08-2006, 12:05 PM   #4
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Re: Between two lovers...

Wow, if you know that this guy you're sleeping with makes frequent trips to Thailand to visit prostitutes (and Thailand is actually pretty well known for child prostitution) this is not someone you want to be having sex with! Sweet Jesus, no.

I agree with minnesotagirl, it sounds like the best option would be for you to be single, and not be with either one of these men. Is that an option for you? Do you have any money saved up? It sounds like your relationship may not last too much longer anyway, if your boyfriend doesn't like to spend much time with you, or sleep with you. Why would you want to stay with him if he is not making you happy or fulfilling your needs?
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Old 09-09-2006, 03:49 AM   #5
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Re: Between two lovers...

OK, I'll bite. You are submissive and dependent on men in general, aren't you? This chauvinistic culture is still practiced in many old world countries especially in Asia. May be that's what your lover sees in you.

The situation is all wrong. First, there is nothing more than plain no attachment physical pleasure with your Lover. Don't even bother going that direction if you want long term companionship.

As for your BF, this is a typical old fashioned (like last century) man and wife/master and servant relationship. Man makes money, call the shots and woman stay in house, cook, clean and provide sex on demand....yada yada. Many others are living like that now and is actually content to have that. Don't cheat even if you are not content with it.Move out and start making changes.

Of course, there is the elusive jackpot. A man that provides finanicial, emotional and sexual satisfactions all in one package. But you will be competing with the rest of the
3 billions or so others out there for him.

So the question really is...Do you want to be in the driver seat or the passenger seat in the ride of life?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:47 AM   #6
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
I would say that it is time for you to be on your own -- as a SINGLE woman!!! Your current relationship isn't working, it doesn't sound like you're even in love with the BF you live with -- it sounds like he is just there to provide you with money. But you're sleeping with someone else and that is not fair to the guy you live with even if he doesn't give you any attention. So time to move on and move out. Plus it can feel good to be able to support yourself. Do you work? Is it possible for you to move out?

As far as the other guy, I wouldn't recommend going right from one relationship to the next. I think that a person needs time in between. Plus, it sounds to me like your relationship with this other guy is mostly about sex, for both you and I'm sure especially him. Is that what you want to base a relationship on, sex? And, how does he even feel about a committed relationship with you? I would also be VERY suspicious of the trips to Thailand especially if you know he visits women there. Prostitution is pretty common in Thailand, I think. If you sleep with him after he's slept with a prostitute, chances are good that you could catch a disease, possibly a disease without a cure.

Your current relationship isn't changing, things aren't good, and you're cheating on him. The other guy is nice to you when you're together in bed, but of course a man is going to be nice to the woman who is having sex with him, and it sounds like he has sex with different women when he goes to Thailand. Plus, it sounds like you haven't known him for very long.

I say get out on your own for awhile then find someone new.
Minnesotagirl,thank you for much for your reply.about your question if i work..,no i dont work and it is hard for me to move out because i am far from my family and i dont know any body where i live now...and ever since we live together with my bf, he never let me work or else if i again and again bring back that topic about wokring which i mintioned alot to him then we only end argueing. The other day i had a discussion with him about my situation and i opened my self telling to him that i dont feel close to him any more. He wanted me to gave him a chance and make things better.I will see...

About the other guy,it has been a week since i broke up with him,he was on vacation then when i wrote him that i wanted to not continue the relationship cause i dont think its right any more and one thing i dont like to catch any diseases either...Your right,that with this guy its seems like we only after one things, either him or me.and i dont want to continue with it any more...I dont see myself a future with him too...

thank very much you for your mail and im going to do my best to start my life style and start working now...

 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:54 AM   #7
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
Wow, if you know that this guy you're sleeping with makes frequent trips to Thailand to visit prostitutes (and Thailand is actually pretty well known for child prostitution) this is not someone you want to be having sex with! Sweet Jesus, no.

I agree with minnesotagirl, it sounds like the best option would be for you to be single, and not be with either one of these men. Is that an option for you? Do you have any money saved up? It sounds like your relationship may not last too much longer anyway, if your boyfriend doesn't like to spend much time with you, or sleep with you. Why would you want to stay with him if he is not making you happy or fulfilling your needs?
Hi GypsyArcher thanks for the mail...about the other guy, i cut him off already since one week now and i am not planning to continue with him anymore.I reallize its now right anymore.

I really want to get out and be alone but i cannot do it in the moment since i dont have money save up and i dont know anybody where i live now. I stay with him cause i felt i have no choice. But i want to start working now wether he like it or not the fact that he really dont want me to work at all but i want some improvement in my self now and be independent...

Thanks guys for your mails....

All the Best,
Lyn

 
Old 09-11-2006, 04:24 AM   #8
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
OK, I'll bite. You are submissive and dependent on men in general, aren't you? This chauvinistic culture is still practiced in many old world countries especially in Asia. May be that's what your lover sees in you.

The situation is all wrong. First, there is nothing more than plain no attachment physical pleasure with your Lover. Don't even bother going that direction if you want long term companionship.

As for your BF, this is a typical old fashioned (like last century) man and wife/master and servant relationship. Man makes money, call the shots and woman stay in house, cook, clean and provide sex on demand....yada yada. Many others are living like that now and is actually content to have that. Don't cheat even if you are not content with it.Move out and start making changes.

Of course, there is the elusive jackpot. A man that provides finanicial, emotional and sexual satisfactions all in one package. But you will be competing with the rest of the
3 billions or so others out there for him.

So the question really is...Do you want to be in the driver seat or the passenger seat in the ride of life?

i will accept that i am dependent with my bf, but not in general... I am dependent with him because i have nobody else than him,since before i wanted to work but he not like me to...Yeah your right his style is kind of old fashion he want me in the house only and he is the one will work. But i dont see it good any more now specially for myself.

Lastnight i had also talked with him and he just told me if your not inlove with your bf or your partner then love him.He want me to understand that sentence.:-(( He knows that this relationship is not so good but he will never let me go also. I dont undertand...

 
Old 09-11-2006, 04:27 AM   #9
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
well I guess you will have to decide what's more important to you?
money or affection?
Rose,if possible i wanted both that, i wish i can find....

 
Old 09-11-2006, 06:23 AM   #10
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Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lyncy
Rose,if possible i wanted both that, i wish i can find....
well then you need to become independent so you can make your own money and not depend on someone else to take care of you.......why don't you work?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 07:33 AM   #11
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

I think you should look for a women's organization in your area that could help you leave your situation. I think your boyfriend is, in a sense, holding you prisoner. He is controlling you and I don't think you're happy about that. You need to know that you do have rights. Where I live, women have the same rights as men. We can get an education and have careers and take care of ourselves. We are business executives, presidents of companies & business owners, office managers, sales people, graphic designers, factory workers, nurses, waitresses, teachers, even auto mechanics and police officers. We buy our own houses, drive our own cars, buy and wear the clothes we want to wear. We can be anything we want to be! What do you want to be? How about, instead of working, would he let you go to school so you can receive job training? Seek help from wherever you can.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 10:04 AM   #12
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Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
How about, instead of working, would he let you go to school so you can receive job training? Seek help from wherever you can.
This sounds like an excellent idea to me. Even if you are already educated enough to get a job in a field that interests you, going back to school would at least help you feel more independent, meet people, make connections, get advice, and just generally move toward a life on your own. I understand it's hard to leave someone immediately if you have no money of your own and no place to go, but you can work toward that goal, and I think you should try if you don't see yourself happy with your bf in the long term. Try to save whatever money you can, somewhere where your bf won't find it, and see what you can do about contacting an organization that could help you go back to school or work. Good luck!

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:42 PM   #13
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
well then you need to become independent so you can make your own money and not depend on someone else to take care of you.......why don't you work?
I really do want to work since before and we kept on arguing about it because he dont want me.before i meet him,i work in a cosmetic company as assistant then my contract ended.i had no job then when i met him until now but i was begging him since before that i want to work since i felt bored in the house all day.but he refused.and told me so, if i only wanted to really work then he will be the one to find a good job for me with a good salary. so i was kept on waiting then...but until now nothing.i will just work for it myself...

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:56 PM   #14
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
I think you should look for a women's organization in your area that could help you leave your situation. I think your boyfriend is, in a sense, holding you prisoner. He is controlling you and I don't think you're happy about that. You need to know that you do have rights. Where I live, women have the same rights as men. We can get an education and have careers and take care of ourselves. We are business executives, presidents of companies & business owners, office managers, sales people, graphic designers, factory workers, nurses, waitresses, teachers, even auto mechanics and police officers. We buy our own houses, drive our own cars, buy and wear the clothes we want to wear. We can be anything we want to be! What do you want to be? How about, instead of working, would he let you go to school so you can receive job training? Seek help from wherever you can.
Your right minnesotagirl,he is treating me like prisoner mostly before.He was so strict but i was kept on arguing with him for holding me where i want to go.He is not bad guy,the problem is that i cannot get close to him because he is always busy and he dont want me to work still,but i feel sad now,i have no work,i am not satisfied and he has no time for me.Sometimes i feel depressed.I argued with him the other day and all my feelings i expressed to him and he told me to gave him a chance....I wanted to go to school and learn more but first i have to learn the language that is why it is hard for me. I want to do better in my life now,i want to be independent....

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:59 PM   #15
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lyncy HB User
Re: Between two lovers...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronica_Mars
This sounds like an excellent idea to me. Even if you are already educated enough to get a job in a field that interests you, going back to school would at least help you feel more independent, meet people, make connections, get advice, and just generally move toward a life on your own. I understand it's hard to leave someone immediately if you have no money of your own and no place to go, but you can work toward that goal, and I think you should try if you don't see yourself happy with your bf in the long term. Try to save whatever money you can, somewhere where your bf won't find it, and see what you can do about contacting an organization that could help you go back to school or work. Good luck!
Thank you for the mail Veronica, your right...and i will do better with my situation now...

 
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