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Old 09-08-2006, 12:18 PM   #1
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canuck11 HB User
Silent bond with someone..

Have you ever formed a silent bond with someone?

Here is my situation...

I met someone who helped me through a personal and traumatic ordeal. This person didn't express himself verbally but showed care through appropriate touch (holding my hand, patting me on the shoulder, arm), calling me dear, and telling me if I have any concerns to come in sooner or if you have problems to come and see him. I could tell by the look on his face, mannerisms, tone of voice, that he was upset, concerned, cared but never came out verbally and said so, well maybe once or twice.

I on the otherhand was also silent. Often numb, non communicative due to the ordeal I went through. I think this person could sense how I was feeling and responded.

There is absolutely nothing romantic that happened. I never felt that way towards him and he didn't either, no signs or signals from him. More of a acquaintance/friendship. This person is about 30 years older than me.

Upon this persons retirement, I asked him if I could write a letter once in awhile to let him know my progress. He said sure, I could send letters to his office. He is now gone from there, but from what I understand is that his mail will be forwarded to him.

I wrote one letter, but no response. He never said he would write to me. I have a feeling that since this person has trouble expressing himself verbally, it would be hard for him to write a letter. Maybe also because he is a man, feels uncomfortable writing letters? It could be he just wants to know how I am making out, although I want to know how he is, but would never pressure him to write. In the letter I wrote if he wishes to contact me... and gave him my writing address, email. I don't think he has a computer/email, doesn't seem the type to be technological.

I sense this person is honest and if he really didn't want me to write, would have said so. Another person who knows him better than me, said I am sure he would appreciate the letters and what they like about him is that he is a forthcoming person but in a nice way.

So has anyone formed a 'silent' bond with someone, not much verbal expression, but you know, sense they care about you as a friend, acquaintance?

 
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Old 09-08-2006, 01:09 PM   #2
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: Silent bond with someone..

This is about your doctor, right?

I have no doubt that he is a very caring person, and nothing can take away from the emotional and/or medical help he gave you after your ordeal. He sounds like a wonderful man.

But, I think that the medical profession is probably very stressful and takes a toll on one's life. I think that retirement is probably a huge relief for some, not because he disliked his job or feels any resentment for his patients, but just because he needs a break from it all, for his own mental health. My guess is that he's probably distancing himself from medicine in general, and dealing with his family, interests, travel, etc., which he likely neglected for years. He's probably very happy to know that you're doing better, but just because of the direction of his life at this time, isn't likely to respond.

I think that you have been putting a little too much thought into him as well, and you should probably move on and develop some solid relationships with people who are more accessible to you. Contacting him any more would make you look like you want something more out of him than meets the eye.

 
Old 09-08-2006, 01:53 PM   #3
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Silent bond with someone..

I totally agree with redsoxgirl2418 (as usual).

If this man was your therapist or MD, you have to realize that no matter how compassionate and caring he was, part of it was his job. He does sound like a great doctor, but keep in mind that you were just one of his patients.

There is no way to say "No, I don't want you to write me, please don't do that" without sounding rude. A guy as sensitive and kind as this one would never say anything like that.

You have to accept that he is retired and is done with his work. Maybe he doesn't want to keep in contact with any former patients because he doesn't want to get stuck in the doctor role again.

On the other hand, if this wasn't your doctor or another professional and the person was simply your friend, that is a whole other story.
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Old 09-10-2006, 05:11 AM   #4
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brook65 HB User
Re: Silent bond with someone..

Yeah I agree,

I remember you before asking about what you could give this gentleman as a token of appreciation.

I am sure he appreciated your kind gesture, and from that would know how much you appreciated his empathy towards you.

You say that if he hadn't of wanted to reply to your letters he would be honest enough to tell you. But really, I think he thought that if he were to say he wasn't going to reply, that might hurt your feelings.

At the end of the day he was offering a proffessional service and not a personal service, it is just that some proffessional doctors can do their job better, and be more understanding than others.

I would be very surprised if any doctor would reply to any letter from an ex patient, as I personally don't think it is the done thing.

He knows you appreciated him, and he has given you an option of keeping him updated on your progress, but I really don't think he can offer you anything back, as he has left the proffession where he was able to.

Well done for getting through your difficulties with your ex though.

Last edited by brook65; 09-10-2006 at 05:12 AM.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 08:59 PM   #5
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canuck11 HB User
Re: Silent bond with someone..

Brooke,

I don't expect him to write back and agree he wouldn't come out and say I am not going to reply back in fear of hurting my feelings. I am fine with him not writing me back. I just want to let him know my progress that is all.

Sorry I meant he would have said no, made an excuse if he didn't want my letters, progress reports. Seems like the type who would say something and I would be fine with that if he did.

I have a friend in the USA who keeps in touch with her former Doctor, email each other etc, but nothing romantic. Just keeps him up to date on her progress, general chit chat.

Last edited by canuck11; 09-12-2006 at 09:03 PM.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 05:04 AM   #6
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brook65 HB User
Re: Silent bond with someone..

Hi Canuck

I understand, sorry misunderstood your post.

I am sure this nice man wouldn't have anything against you keeping him updated, as long as you don't have a problem with not getting feedback, then that is fine.

I am sure he feels flattered to see how much you appreciated him and his empathy towards you.

Best of luck, and keep strong

 
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