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Old 09-08-2006, 04:47 PM   #1
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LostMyHeart HB User
The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Oh my. I really need some help here.

So, {the ex} called. Why does he still even have my #?
I didn't pick up. What if he tries again? Do I talk to him? Oh, I want to. So much. I want to tell him that what he did still hurts. I want to tell him I still miss him - and love him, always. I want to tell him I still think about him. I still want to ask why he hurt me like he did.
I want to believe that since he called it's because he still cares.

Oh, I know he doesn't. He never did, right? So why is he calling then?
What do I do?

I want to talk to him soooo much... but I'm just too scared to pick up. I don't forget, even for a day, how much I got hurt. I don't want to feel that ever again. I want to erase it from my mind and move forward.
Why does he always do this? Right when I start moving on in my life. Right when I finally started feeling healed? Then I wonder why it is always so hard for me to get over him.
What is his game here? Would you answer the phone?

Last edited by LostMyHeart; 09-12-2006 at 09:36 PM.

 
Old 09-08-2006, 05:23 PM   #2
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emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Honestly if my ex fiance called tonight and i heard his voice on the machine. It would be like trying to stop an earthquake i would move to pick up so fast. The problem is the I have an obsession with this guy and so I know that even if he called for innocent reasons they would launch me back to the place I truly don't need to be in. I mean the relationship was ended for many reasons and he was the one who did the ending. Yeah there are so many hurts and so forth but I doubt he cares too much really he already had moved on.

Honestly if it were me and now you know my end of the deal I would say don't pick up the phone. The thing of it is though perhaps he was sorry about something though or what if...starts to play in my mind too. So then if you feel so much for him then perhaps non-chalently pick it up and casual like say hey or whatever. Then you will know whether he is calling because he misses you or to see if you are home or not.

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Old 09-08-2006, 05:43 PM   #3
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Lissy718 HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

its hard for me to tell u.... i have such a hard time letting go of my exs....... but there is one that im having a really hard time with me and my now boyfriend almost broke up cause he found an IM box of a not so good convo me and my ex had...... i love my boyfriend dearly but i dont know what it is about my ex i cant let go............

 
Old 09-08-2006, 06:21 PM   #4
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glamourgal HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Hey LMH,

Has he called again? Did he leave a message?

I would be curious to know what he wants, but I would definitley let him know that you have moved on (even if you feel like you haven't all the way). Let him know that you have a life now.......without him. He hurt you deeply and he doesn't deserve a moment of your time. So if you do talk to him, at least let him know that you are no longer interested. You definitely don't want to get hurt again---you don't want to be readily available and at his beck and call after all of this time---what a big head that would give him. Be strong! You can do it. You are worth so much more than he can offer. Let him know that you are a strong woman and you have moved on!! He needs to realize this!!

Keep us updated and let us know. I'll be thinking about you!

 
Old 09-08-2006, 07:14 PM   #5
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bulletproof HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

I don't know your history, so forgive me, but have you not spoken for the entire 2.5 years since you split up? And was it a bad breakup, in terms of a big fight or something monumental happening?

No matter what the answer is to those questions, I think I would still answer the phone. Maybe that's something that just needs to happen. I don't really believe in closure so much as conclusions. Who knows, maybe he has something to say that could really change how you view the experience. For the better, hopefully.

 
Old 09-08-2006, 08:18 PM   #6
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Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Hi, LMH Big deep breathes....take them in and out and as you do think good things like how you are alright and will be with or without him.....okay???

Now....there is no right or wrong answer to this....it is your decision and your's alone. I will share with you that when I was about your age an ex fiance of mine called me. It was a very painful breakup in which he was not ready for marriage and I realized it and questioned him and his lack of response said it all. Anyway.....we kept in touch and while first dating hubby he called and wanted to see me. I had been waiting for that moment for a long time. I was perplexed why he would call and at the same time needed to see him....I needed closure and didn't realize it. Hubby encouraged me to go. And I did.

My ex fiance took me to dinner and eventually disclosed to me that he had made a mistake in letting me go....before that point I was hoping to hear something like that and invisioned getting back together. But suddenly I realized at that moment that I didn't want that.....that I had a guy who was secure enough in his love for me who had allowed me to go and do what I needed to do. And the realization was instantaneous!!! And totally unexpected.

What I am trying to say is that perhaps this is your opportunity for closure.....what you feel about this guy may actually be something that has such a hold on you that seeing him or talking to him again may bring you to the realization that it is not as you think it is. And bring you to the closure you need in order to move on. Risky yes...but sometimes taking a risk brings about some of the greatest things in life. At least for me they did.

You are in LIMBO and that is not a good place to be. I wish you the strength and peace to do whatever it is you need to do to free yourself from the hold that this man has on your life so that you can be happy and live again.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 09-08-2006, 09:03 PM   #7
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

He didn't call back. And probably won't. Or maybe in another 2 yrs.
Great, now I'll be sitting here in regret thinking I made the wrong choice. Ugh, why does he mess with me like this.
I thought I was doing the right thing not answering. It's just that I know what I want to happen if I answer, and I fear it won't be what happens.

And I'm not sure I could even fake being nonchalant if I speak to him. I have a feeling I would pick up the phone, and soon as I hear his voice all that pent up bitterness I carry about things will come out.
I'd love to think he'd do like your ex Goody, but I don't have a guy like your wonderful husband around, so maybe I would still go vunerable to him.
Oh, why did he have to do this now, right after things ended with the other guy. Right after I became alone, again!

Last edited by LostMyHeart; 09-12-2006 at 09:34 PM.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 06:30 AM   #8
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BetsyJean HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

I'm a bit of a realist when it comes to men. If I offend any of the gentler male souls out there I apologize in advance.

My bet as to why he is calling you is that he is between girlfriends/relationships.
He is casting about for female companionship i.e. sex, and knows darned well how vulnerable you are.

Ignore the calls.
Keep walking forward in your life.
Don't look back....
Your future is ahead of you - not back in that mess...

Last edited by BetsyJean; 09-09-2006 at 06:30 AM.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 12:54 PM   #9
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Shorty39 HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Hello sweetie......On some level I agree w/BetsyJean that he may be between girlfriends/relationships. Is there any chance of you running into him on the street? Guys know somehow when we are vunerable it's like they have antennas or something.

Years ago due to circumstances unavoidable I left home after highschool and that meant leaving my boyfriend behind. I had to run away to another state because of things that were happening w/someone else not my boyfriend. I never got the chance to say goodbye to my friends or my boyfriend. After being married for several years and 3 kids down the road I kinda got depressed and my still now husband told me to load up and go back to that state and see the friends and that old boyfriend. So I did and got some closure to our relationship. Nothing happend that shouldn't have and I came back to my husband and kids 3 days later w/the realization that I was ok; but that was something that my husband knew I needed to do and he felt comfortable w/my doing so. I'm still married to the same man 21 years later. I feel much better and never wanted or wished I hadn't of ran away. It got me out of a very dangerous situtation and helped me find the soulmate God had for me. If I'd never left then I'd probably married that guy and might or might not of still been w/him. I hated leaving like I did but it was the very best for me at that time. It helped keep me saine. I did love the boyfriend but I love my husband much more and the children. Can't hurt to pick up the phone but don't give him the impression you've been waiting around for the last 2.5years for him to come around. Tell him you've been doing great and thats what you needed was to get on w/your life after ya'lls breakup. Tell him you just politely picked yourself up and dusted off and kept going.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 02:09 PM   #10
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SophiaM HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Oh, wow, Lisa, I can totally understand how frustrating and hard for you this must be! I've had ex-boyfriends calling many times, but not after 2 years. I can't blame you for being too scared to pick up the phone, but please realize that if it's something important he's calling about, he will DEFINITELY call again. I'm guessing he didn't leave a message and you just saw his number on the caller id, right? Just wait and see if he calls again and what he says. Most likely you will be able to tell from the tone of his voice and what he says what his intentions are. It's possible that he just thought of you and was wondering how you're doing so please try not to get any hopes up. Besides, if I remember everything correctly, this guy has hurt you more than once and was very confused, etc., so unless he says something dramatically different, I don't think it would be very good for you to get involved with him again because you will then have to start from point zero again.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 03:54 PM   #11
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Veronica_Mars HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Hey Lisa,

Wow, your ex really has some great timing. It is really uncanny how some people have a way of knowing just when to call...anyway I remember your ex and what a tough time you had getting over him and so for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing not picking up the phone. If there is something really urgent, he'll call back, but otherwise, talking to him would most likely just bring up old feelings and erode the progress you've made moving on. I doubt anything positive would come of it for you, though sometimes closure is helpful, but in this case, would it really even be closure, or just opening up old wounds? You've come a long way over the past few years, and I think you'd be best off if you keep moving forward and look for someone new who will make you forget all about your ex, rather than revisiting something that didn't work in the past. Anyway, I hope you're doing ok and that you let us know what happens...

 
Old 09-09-2006, 07:39 PM   #12
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Well, I picked up. But maybe shouldn't have.
He said he just wanted to talk to me. Like we're friends or something.
I really just froze up. Didn't know what to say - I wanted to say so much, but...

Last edited by LostMyHeart; 10-18-2006 at 07:01 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 04:58 PM   #13
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Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Sorry that you feel so awful, LMH!! Doesn't sound like he was interested in anything else but satisfying his own curiosity as bad as that sounds. I think that this is a good time to really set it in your mind that this is over....put those feelings of yours in a box and bury it....you need to realize that this is a part of your life that is dead and no longer viable. If you were to resurrect it you will only be hurt and be unable to move forward.

I know it hurts because you have wanted it to work out but it hasn't. It is toxic and depreciating and compromising your emotional welfare. It is time you come to the realization that this is all part of your past and so long as you remain in the mindset of seeing it as something that has viability you will no longer be able to live a happy and healthy life. Let go, Lisa and live again. And you deserve to live a life that is not in a dark pit.....reach up Lisa and be like a flower and look for the sun.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 09-11-2006 at 05:11 PM.

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:06 AM   #14
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

He's showed up at my door twice. What do I do? Someone please tell me.
I told him he can't be in my life anymore, no matter how much I still care.
Could there really be hope here? I thought things were damaged beyond repair. He insists otherwise. What to do?

 
Old 10-18-2006, 09:10 AM   #15
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Re: The moment I've been waiting for. Or is it?

Lisa ~ First, take a few deep breathes.....in and out, in and out, in and out. I want you to do this for the next five minutes. And as you do I want you to think of what lies deep inside of you.....that piece of you that is buried way deep that you have cushioned for so long that you haven't touched in a very long time and are so afraid to....the piece that use to be there before you knew him. Can you do that, Lisa???? Look for it, reach for it as difficult as you may find it to be. Trust me.....take those breathes and reach very deep into your inner core, the place that you found safe and secure, the place that holds all your strength and is still there. Do this and then come back and post. I will look for you but first try very, very hard to do as I asked.


(((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

 
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