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Old 09-08-2006, 09:29 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 17
Isadoreme HB User
Puzzled

Hello,

I'm mostly a lurker here. But I have something to bring to the board in hopes I can comprehend this mystery.

I am happily married to a loving husband. We'd been together for a very long time. We have three beautiful children and I have one of those ideal marriages that a lot of people dream of. I am very lucky and I thank God every day for a life that I am living. I want to get that out of the way and it's not really the topic of my post.

I have a friend who is beautiful, strong, independent, has a great job, great personality, she has her life together and she has a wonderful sense of humor. She's friendly, can be loud at times, but only when she's trying to be funny or when she's laughing out loud. She's in great shape, works out almost everyday, her whole being is just great. She doesn't any bad habits, she's very much educated, she came from a great family, she is into volleyball and baseball. She's in a women's soccer team so, I know she has something to talk about or in common with men. The beautiful house she bought 10 years ago is almost paid off and she has a lot of savings, she's not flamboyant or excessive in anyway, she's basically a perfect catch for any man out there. But here's where's why I am puzzled. Why wouldn't any man date her or get to know her? Are men just so afraid of women who has it together nowadays? Do men want a dysfunctional, fixer upper of a woman? My friend is longing to meet a half-way decent man who is not a drunk, employed, has some sense of hygiene like brushing his teeth and showering everyday, doesn't kill animals or beat people up, who's not after her money and who will be nice and faithful to her. My friend looks similar to an actress Scarlett Johhanson (sp?). But she's just confused on why half-way decent men are afraid of her.

I have an acquaintance of ours who is just the opposite of my friend above. This girl drinks from 10am, unemployed, leeches off of everybody who would sympathize with her, she doesn't have 2 dimes to rub, she is filthy, her apartment rivals our local dump, she is unkept, and really appalling. But men flock to her like flies on a fly strip! I don't understand! And she has them all taking numbers! And these are not your average men. One guy is a VP of a large company, he is handsome, educated and rich! He is so in love with her, it's sickening.

I don't understand, please explain all this to me. My husband said that most men today are afraid of women like my friend and they may get bored. Have men changed through the years? I've been married for a long time, but I know men are just not into fixing people like women are.

Thanks

Last edited by Isadoreme; 09-08-2006 at 09:47 PM.

 
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Old 09-09-2006, 05:23 AM   #2
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: Puzzled

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isadoreme
... Are men just so afraid of women who has it together nowadays? Do men want a dysfunctional, fixer upper of a woman?.......My husband said that most men today are afraid of women like my friend and they may get bored. Have men changed through the years?......
No...No...Yes...well just a little.

It all depends on which school of philosophy you belong to. There is much to be said in how women see woman and men see same woman and vice versa. (BTW, you should read all the inputs in the two recent threads "For men to read" and "Help" just for fun.)

For easy indentification purpose, let's call your gem of a friend "Cindy" and the acquaintance "Anna". Here are my 2 cents.

Most man will not approach Cindy cause she is what I labelled 'strong woman'. It takes a lot of qualifications to begin and a lot more pressure to maintain. Also, the society still mocks men in these relationships in general. It's a very delicate balance. Cindy must be very devoted and her partner must be extremely confident for the bond to hold.

On the other hand, "Anna" is the 'bad girl'. And boy O boy...are they ever A LOT of fun to be with. She provides pleeeasuuure, inflats the ego and it's kinda of like the trophy to have on the shelf.

It's all gets down to the old basic of WANTS vs NEEDS. Most mothers would teach their kids to find Cindy and stay the heck away from Anna. But in the real world, we all started as boyz and I tell you, boyz want Anna! Boyz see Cindy more as their mothers and it's really not that appealing.

Some would eventually mature and survive to become men and may or may not reluctantly come to terms with their soul. Some NEVER get past that regardless of physical age. Let's put it another way, Cindy is like a balanced diet and regular excercises; Anna is more like drugs and orgies. The fan club for Cindy will have more senior members than Anna and half of Cindy's fans will be secretly members of Anna's as well.

Normally, I don't post such long response but hey, what the heck, it's the weekend. Let's live a little, too. That's enough blaberring for now, I'm going to have a triple scoop hot fudge sundae while lying in my sofa and channel surf for hours on end.

Cheers to all. Have a good weekend.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 06:24 AM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 265
BetsyJean HB User
Re: Puzzled

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isadoreme
She's in great shape, works out almost everyday, her whole being is just great. She doesn't any bad habits, she is into volleyball and baseball. She's in a women's soccer team
Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
I'm going to have a triple scoop hot fudge sundae while lying in my sofa and channel surf for hours on end.
The point being that Cindy just isn't for the everyday kinda guy. I know that dear minijumbo was pulling our leg a bit for effect, but the truth is that most men I know aren't quite as "into" the active lifestyle.
There ARE men like that out there, but more like minijumbo & my dear husband who prefer relaxing and the tv. She seems a bit intimidating it is true.

If your friend HAS NOT had a significant date in recent memory, is it at all possible that SHE isn't interested as much in dating as you think she is?
My aunt never married, she was a professional in real estate, owned her own home, active in church & the community.
I think that beyond not having a real interest in men (or women) she had extremely high standards and never met anyone remotely close.

My last point is mention that she really needs to forget about a "relationship" and just find some guy friends to go to a movie with, dinner after work, no strings.
Guys actually have guy friends. The more people she meets without sizing them up (men do sense that) the better.

Ok, not the last point.
Get HER to come on here! That would be the most helpful to her if she really wants to talk see if there's something we can help her with.

 
Old 09-10-2006, 09:23 AM   #4
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 17
Isadoreme HB User
Re: Puzzled

Quote:
Originally Posted by minijumbofly
No...No...Yes...well just a little.

It all depends on which school of philosophy you belong to. There is much to be said in how women see woman and men see same woman and vice versa. (BTW, you should read all the inputs in the two recent threads "For men to read" and "Help" just for fun.)

For easy indentification purpose, let's call your gem of a friend "Cindy" and the acquaintance "Anna". Here are my 2 cents.

Most man will not approach Cindy cause she is what I labelled 'strong woman'. It takes a lot of qualifications to begin and a lot more pressure to maintain. Also, the society still mocks men in these relationships in general. It's a very delicate balance. Cindy must be very devoted and her partner must be extremely confident for the bond to hold.

On the other hand, "Anna" is the 'bad girl'. And boy O boy...are they ever A LOT of fun to be with. She provides pleeeasuuure, inflats the ego and it's kinda of like the trophy to have on the shelf.

It's all gets down to the old basic of WANTS vs NEEDS. Most mothers would teach their kids to find Cindy and stay the heck away from Anna. But in the real world, we all started as boyz and I tell you, boyz want Anna! Boyz see Cindy more as their mothers and it's really not that appealing.

Some would eventually mature and survive to become men and may or may not reluctantly come to terms with their soul. Some NEVER get past that regardless of physical age. Let's put it another way, Cindy is like a balanced diet and regular excercises; Anna is more like drugs and orgies. The fan club for Cindy will have more senior members than Anna and half of Cindy's fans will be secretly members of Anna's as well.

Normally, I don't post such long response but hey, what the heck, it's the weekend. Let's live a little, too. That's enough blaberring for now, I'm going to have a triple scoop hot fudge sundae while lying in my sofa and channel surf for hours on end.

Cheers to all. Have a good weekend.
Thanks for your response Minijumbofly. I like the names you'd named them. LOL You're right, to a man who doesn't know Cindy, she may be a high maintenance woman. But I see it differently and so does a lot of our male "married" friends including my husband who have taken the time to know her. Cindy knows a lot about sports and she's very much into soccer. That's something in common she has with a lot of men. She's likes channel surfing as much as the next person too.

I think today, most people makes judgement to people like Cindy as high maintenance rather than responsible. A lot of people doesn't take the time to get to know her. The last boyfriend she had tried to move in with her so she can fully support her! She'd had lowered her standards and this is what she got.

I think relationships and finding a good, potential partner has taken a backseat to sex.

I appreciate a man's point of view Minijumbofly. I hope your ice cream was great.

 
Old 09-10-2006, 09:24 AM   #5
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 17
Isadoreme HB User
Re: Puzzled

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetsyJean
The point being that Cindy just isn't for the everyday kinda guy. I know that dear minijumbo was pulling our leg a bit for effect, but the truth is that most men I know aren't quite as "into" the active lifestyle.
There ARE men like that out there, but more like minijumbo & my dear husband who prefer relaxing and the tv. She seems a bit intimidating it is true.

If your friend HAS NOT had a significant date in recent memory, is it at all possible that SHE isn't interested as much in dating as you think she is?
My aunt never married, she was a professional in real estate, owned her own home, active in church & the community.
I think that beyond not having a real interest in men (or women) she had extremely high standards and never met anyone remotely close.

My last point is mention that she really needs to forget about a "relationship" and just find some guy friends to go to a movie with, dinner after work, no strings.
Guys actually have guy friends. The more people she meets without sizing them up (men do sense that) the better.

Ok, not the last point.
Get HER to come on here! That would be the most helpful to her if she really wants to talk see if there's something we can help her with.
I agree with you BetseyJean. I am going to suggest to Cindy to come on here and ask the member's opinions. I think she would get a lot of different, great opinions.

Thanks.

 
Old 09-10-2006, 02:52 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: kent
Posts: 1,448
brook65 HB User
Re: Puzzled

I actually know someone very similar to your friend, almost to a tee. She is very wealthy, massive house, two very expensive cars, she owns her own agency, attractive, fit etc etc but she also can't meet a man.

Isn't this like the other situation, of how very attractive women find it harder to meet men, then the less attractive?

I personally think, that some men still like to be seen as the main bread winner, the most sucessful etc, so ofcourse some men may feel very inadaquet against her, and feel they could never live up to her expectations.

Or maybe they simply feel that she is way out of their league, and she wouldn't be interested.

Could she perhaps join a specialist dating agency for professional people, where the people on there, will not feel so out of her league or threatened?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:15 AM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: Puzzled

Oh...Forgot one little detail.

Cindy probably has more rigid schedules of activities and/or less "free" time where as Anna's life is built around oppuntunities.

I hope Cindy won't stoop to "settle" just for the sake of having anybody. But she might want to check and see how much time was she dedicating to her search for her frog prince. Let's face it, courtship is time consuming and it's not something that she can delegate like running a business.

Last, try the low profile approach. Don't let on with all the successful business, big house, cars, money in the bank ...etc etc. She'll just attract the wrong crowd. IF she is as you described, just her charm and looks ought to bring many guys to their knees. Then it's just a matter of sifting through them for the true gem.

So good sifting....

P.S. Ice cream is like Anna, although at my age, I really shouldn't be touching either.

 
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