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Old 09-08-2006, 10:52 PM   #1
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mother problems....

Most of you have probably read my previous posts, where my mother owed me alot of money, and I withdrew it out of a joint account, and not even all of it, just something I told her we would settle on. Well everyone has seen the emails she sent to me before....

This is what I received after my mother tried emailing me crap again. She now is convinced that my father is mentally abusing her, which I know for a fact that it is the other way around. My father is not that type of person. My mother beats his manhood down everyday, soon there will be nothing left.

Oh she also demanded the money back too and said she is telling them that MY FIANCE took the money too, so they will come after his assets.. CAN you believe this? The more and more I think about everything that has been done the more I want to just put her a** in a hospital or jail.. MAN , look at me all angry tonight.... AHHH.. what do I do!!!!

~~~~~
What have you done to your mother? Why did you fwd my information, which was sent ONLY to you, on to my brother? I wrote you a long letter yesterday, like I have done several times now, only to delete it and not send it to you. I am SO glad now that I have NOT put my deepest feelings or concerns into your untrustworthy hands.

...(bunch of unneeded words)

I will never again make the mistake of EVER trying to communicate with you. It is obvious that you do not miss my friendship, do not miss anything to do with me and are in fact out to hurt and harm me with my sick and ill brother. I love you, always will -- too bad you don't love your own mother. Do you think it will hurt any less when I die because you have decided to turn off your feelings?

~~~

I think she has officially lost it. She went out in her pjs and sat in the middle of the driveway at my parents house. My father has called me extremely upset, because he no longer knows what to do. Again, she started emailing me again, nasty emails, my father put me on speaker phone so I could tell her to go get some help for whatever is wrong with her. Again she yelled and yelled, nasty words, telling me I am disowned... I told her I disowned her long before she disowned me. I told her my father loves her and wants to get help for her illness she has, and again we are abusing her, and we are conspiring against her, she just lost it. First we are all not crazy, then suddenly we are the crazy ones.

She is still threatening me to take the money back. I think this entire episode started because my father told her a few days ago that he wanted the ***** to end and he wanted me back in their lives. Suddenly now she is yelling at him and telling him he is cheating, or abusing her, or conspiring to do her harm.. Everything is about her.

Do we go to the court ? Do I just call the police and get it over with? Do we check her in to a mental institute? What do we do. I really do not care, because the damage she has done to me, is over with.

My father does not know. And plus I am going on vacation with my honey in the next few weeks and we will be near them. I told my father I wanted to see him, but now I do not see how, she finally snapped. Should I just ignore everything and hope my father takes care of everything?

Last edited by angel_light; 09-09-2006 at 09:39 AM.

 
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Old 09-09-2006, 11:53 AM   #2
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Re: mother problems....

Can anyone give me any advice? Now this morning she is threatening my father because he talked to me. She is telling him that I am messing up their marriage, because we are talking and I won't apologize.

I told her it is not my place and she has to make the initiative. She said h*ll no. Of course a typical response. She is telling him he is betraying her trust and ruining their relationship because he wants to have a relationship with his oldest daughter.

I really do not know what to do anymore.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 12:23 PM   #3
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Re: mother problems....

Sweetie.......how long has she been acting like this. Do you live in another state from your parents? What is your father's opinion of her acting like this? Does she always act like this on a day to day basis? Is she like this when she gets up in the morning or does it come on after she's been up for awhile? Sounds like maybe there might be some reactions to medicine possibly. Is she drinking? Or do you just think she's lost it and really needs some help. Depending on the answers to some of these questions will give you the best advice I can. Be Safe you and Your parents. Let us hear from you soon!!!

 
Old 09-09-2006, 12:34 PM   #4
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Re: mother problems....

My father and my uncle said she has always been like this, just never this bad. She is getting worse by the day and no one has ever tried to get her help. She went to counseling with my father once at their church, but she puts on a complete different face in front of church members, etc.

It is scary because she is not predictable, she blows up all the time. At any hour of any day. She loves starting fights before people are going to bed. We use to wake up hearing my parents fighting in the morning. It could be any time of the day. And then it would last anywhere from hours to days to weeks that she would be in this horrible mood.

She has multiple personalities or something.

I would say I did not notice how bad it was until I moved out of the situation. Once I moved 2000 miles away, and came back I noticed it more. My father is sick and tired of her outbursts, her mental abuse to people, everything. He wants her to quit acting like this. He wants her to get help, because he loves her so much he does not want to just walk away.

I did walk away. I pretty much was forced to. She was always yelling at me, telling me I am going to end up on the street homeless, or I am going to get pregnant by my bf, etc. None of that happened. Then when I told her good things, like graduating college, suddenly she wants to do better then me and go back to school. I told her we bought a house, now we do not deserve it because we are not old enough. (we are 24 and 26).

Everything, she does not stop. I was angry when I visited back in May, because the way she was with my father was more like a roommate than a wife and husband team. She acts like they are two, not one.

My fiance and I cannot understand why she is like this, and I feel bad for my fiance, because I know he does not deserve her treatment either. So many accusations, etc. It just hurts him as well. Then she hurts him to get to me.

I think she needs help. I think somewhere she mentally lost a battle, or maybe spiritually she is fighting, but it is hard to watch. I want her to get help more than anybody, but I do not want to be part of her life anymore.

Last edited by angel_light; 09-09-2006 at 12:37 PM.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 01:06 PM   #5
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Re: mother problems....

This on some level tells me she is fighting a battle within herself. We always hurt to very people that we feel the most secure with. This being her immediate family. Sounds like she is very depressive and yes there is a way to help her if she refuses to get help on her own. You can go before a judge and have her committed for a short length of time. They will help her work thru whatever it is thats bothering her. Sounds like she's a bit jealous of you also. Maybe because she sees you being young and confident and she misses that part of herself that somehow didn't go to her liking. Please be patient with her because she may be sicker than you think. Your father can have her put somewhere to get help or all of you can get in on it. This may be all that will save her if she's as bad as your saying. You will feel hard at ya'll for a time but after coming back to realization she'll still love ya'll and thank you for it; but that could take some time and working through. You still have to LOVE her. She might not can seriously help herself. I hope you don't think I'm siding w/her but I do see theres a problem and she needs help.

 
Old 09-09-2006, 03:52 PM   #6
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Re: mother problems....

You have no say in who your father talks to or when...that's up to and on him...therefore, she can not complain at you for the choices he is making. He is his own man. That means if he wants to talk to you he will, at the same time, if he wants to put up with her, that's on him again.

You made your choice to deal with her by moving away and it was the best thing you could do. You sound very strong...as hard as it may be, you don't owe ANY of them anything. I know you're worried about them but just as you chose to move on, they must make that decision on their own. They are responsible for letting her treat them that way.

I do think she needs an intervention and to be put away for the time being.

I also think you should just drop the issue with cops and lawyers, if she's going to come after you, just keep all the proof and let them see it for themselves. I doubt she'll go that far because she sounds smart enough to know she'll likely face some legal issues of her own for her dealings in the past.

She is not right in the head. I believe her to honestly be mentally ill and therefore not in full control of herself and her actions. To that end, it is up to her family (your dad and her family) to get her the help she so desperately needs. Period.

It is up to them to watch her spiral out of control or step up to the plate and do something...yes it will be unpleasant, but it must be done or they can continue on this way...again, it's there choice.

You can tell by her e-mails that she's unbalanced. And as far as never sharing such personal words with you again, so what....my mom used to always tell me if you don't want someone to know, don't do it...HAHAHA that one bit her on the butt more than one time!!!!!

You need to keep clear of her. I would suggest setting up a different e-mail for regular mail and keep this current one for family issues only...that way, you don't have to even check it or be upset by it, but if she causes problems, you will have all the proof you need at your finger tips.

I would suggest someone call a member of the mental health staff and ask about involuntary commitals and what is required. It's the best alternative.

With meds and therapy, this family stands some chance, w/o it, the .... will continue to hit the fan.

Good luck.
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Old 09-10-2006, 07:54 AM   #7
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Re: mother problems....

Angel light - hi, I am so sorry that you are still suffering like this, basically due to you kindley offering to lend your money to them to help them out.

The more I read about your mother, the more she sounds like someone with a personality disorder!

There is defenitely something going on with her, and I would say she is using you as a scapegoat, and taking her problems out on you, as maybe she sees you living the life that she subconsciously would like to live.

Has she ever been diagonosed with any form of mental illness? or maybe she hasn't ever told you, could you ask your dad?

Your dad is in a very difficult situation, he has obviously been controlled and manipulated by his wife for years, and now he is in a situation where he has to risk losing his daughter, all for a quite life.

He obvioulsy can't do that, as he knows you are his daughter, so probably for the first time, he is doing something that your mum sees as going against her wishes, which is inturn making her angry - hence blaming you for causing problems in their marraige.

Although I feel for you, I also feel really sorry for your dad, he must be going through hell, actually living with her.

Why has he stayed with her?

Regarding what to do about her, could you have a confidential appointment with her doctor? but maybe somehow check with your dad first.

Let us know how things go

Best of luck and keep strong

 
Old 09-11-2006, 05:04 AM   #8
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Re: mother problems....

Sorry to hear the latest development. As many other responses here had suggested, I also believe she is ill, probably both physically and mentally.

All this money, moral, control issues are more like triggers but not necessary the root of all the drama. So don't bother with the lawyers, court and lawsuits etc. Her behavior must have had deep roots that reached far into the past. The fact that everybody just kinda ignored it had allowed it to grow and worsen until the present day. Unfortunately, your father's tolerance in the past sows the seed of what he reaps now, an illness about to go nuclear.

He is the first in line standing on ground zero now and he is the one that needs to take a stance NOW. The rest of you are more like backup at best. If he does not realized the criticalness of the situtation, then the clock might run out before he knows it. Try all means to talk some sense into him, and be ready to support him when the battle begins.

This will not be pleasant but it must be done. Good luck and keep the faith.

 
Old 09-14-2006, 01:53 AM   #9
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Re: mother problems....

tell me if this sounds strange to you. My father and I tried an intervention with my mother. She yelled at me telling me that I am a horrible person and needs to beg her for forgiveness. She told my father that he could not speak to me, ever. He told her to quit with her crap and he would talk to me whenever he wished. Ok, now this is the strange part. I told my father we might be vacationing close to them. I said I wanted to see him. Now he told my mom. BAD IDEA, no. 1. But he must have let her have it, because she is like oh stop by.

HECK no, can you imagine? Just 2 days ago she was yelling profanity at me. I want to see my dad, but not her. But now she knows we will be near. SHould I just cut my losses with my father? Or attempt to see him only?

 
Old 09-14-2006, 01:57 AM   #10
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Re: mother problems....

I would wonder why if news about you upsets your mother so much, why your dad would tell her anything!
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Old 09-14-2006, 02:13 AM   #11
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Re: mother problems....

At this point, I believe there really is no need to be subtle about anything. Your Dad is holding on to some very explosive stuff and his judgement is probably not the best right now. Heck, if I were in his place, I'll probably be locked up in a padded cell by now.

Just tell your Dad outright that you only want to see him, not your Mom. Period. If he can't meet you by himself, then write off the visit and just enjoy your vacation. IMO, you have put in the effort, so don't get hung up by the same BS again.

Cheers.

 
Old 09-14-2006, 07:02 AM   #12
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Re: mother problems....

What type of intervention did you try exactly? It sounds like a confrontation vs. intervention.

As for your dad, he showed exceptional courage by standing up to her and it must have surprised her because she's on good behavior. Don't write him off, it sounds like he's drawing his strength from you and wants to continue being a father, not the caretaker and go between of a mad woman.

She is nuts. Plain and simple. And yes, the response you got from her, IMO is typical. I've recieved the same one on several occasions when a confrontation arises.

You all need to step up your effort to get this creature help. She needs it and on a weird level, deserves it, if you know what I mean. If she is truly crazy, then she isn't fully to blame for what's going on in her mind. If she's crazy, than it is the responsibility of her family to step in as she can't and won't. Some of this is definitely learned behavior...ya know, Dr. Phil says we treat people how to treat us and by tollerating her behavior for all these years, she's basically got the green light to stomp on everyone...which she has jumped on that oportunity with all she has.

Have you contacted an in-patient program yet to find out what to do about her? If not, that should be your next step....THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. Trust me, I know it's scary. My mom had everyone so terrified of what she'd do to us, we all ran for cover, the changing point being a suicide attempt. She was truly sick. She was sent to a treatment facility, via ambulance, from the ER after answering a bunch of questions....she was only in for 3 days, but then had follow up...I would suggest a longer commital for your mom, if possible.

But, they dx'd her as bipolar, addict, and a few other things. It made a difference when she started her lithium, but then she started drinking with it, which screwed it all up. I can also say, she wasn't a lot friendlier with me, she was just more level about it all. I also believe that I had some responsibility in that because with everything that she had done to me, I was very reactionary to her and that didn't help matters. It's hard not to be when so much has been hurled at you...but I hope, that unlike me, you can see this before it happens and stop it. It's not worth it.

Again, I believe I told you, my mom is now dead. She died just over a year ago...and the ripe old age of 46. I wish we had some of that time back, but as awful as it sounds to say this, my life has been much 'easier' since she passed away. No more drama, but there is a lot of saddness...more for what might have been, than what was. The problem is, what might have been, is more a creation in my mind, that of a healthy and stable mom and the truth of the matter is that was not the hand I was dealt.

I sincerely hope you guys can find a way to resolve this. It's truly in everyone's best interest.

Best of luck, Angel.
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