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Old 09-10-2006, 03:32 PM   #1
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HarajukuGurl2005 HB User
Should sex wait?

I broke up with my bf about a week ago after 4 yrs. b/c i want a man in my life; he was very immature and needed to grow up.

I've been friends with this other guy for about 4 yrs and we are very attracted to one another. He's in real estate and is helping my family and i look for new homes and relocate from maryland to orlando in about six months.

I'm going down to visit him with my 'rents in a few weeks. The problem is I am really attracted to this guy and his personality, and he is also but i dont want to blow it.

I mean, if we end up moving to orlando, i'd like to start dating him. But while I am down there just visiting, I wouldnt want to do anything with him that would jeopardize our potential courtship.

I'm 23, and I've only slept with my ex b/c i dont believe in casual sex w/ random guys or one night stands. So if he and I get some down time together alone at his place, I am wondering how I should approach the situation if it arises.

Kissing and making out is fine with me but do u think he would lose respect for me if we went further?

If I really like the guy should i wait until we are able to start dating and are committed before we have sex/oral even though we are good friends?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 07:14 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Should sex wait?

I think that since you just got out of a 4 year long relationship only one week ago, you should wait to have sex. I do think that meaningful relationships are most likely to occur when you wait to have sex. You say you've been good friends with him for 4 years, but since you also say that he is in Orlanda and you live in Maryland, I'm wondering -- was that a long distance 4 years? So how close are you if it was long distance friendship for 4 years and you were involved with someone else for that whole 4 years? Plus, lots of times, you have sex with a guy and he can lose interest afterwards because he's already had you. Wait until you move down to Florida and then start a relationship with him before you progress physically.

 
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Old 09-11-2006, 08:50 AM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2005
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Veronica_Mars HB User
Re: Should sex wait?

I tend to agree that you should wait until you move down there and feel totally sure that you want to sleep with him. It sounds like that's what you feel comfortable with for now, and it's totally fine to take things slowly. If he really likes you, he will like you in the future whether or not you sleep with him right away. It's a big myth, in my experience, that a man who is truly into you will lose interest if things get physical too quickly, but it is also false that a man who cares about you will leave if you don't have sex immediately. I've had sex right away with all my serious boyfriends and not one of them has ever dumped me or lost interest in being with me...I just don't buy it at all that a guy worth being with would have such insecurities or double standards about sex that he'd lose interest in a woman after sleeping with her. And if he did, he clearly isn't worth wasting any more time on anyway. It's really all about what you feel comfortable with, and if he is worthy of you, he will respect whatever timetable seems right to you. So if you want to get physical, I don't see why you shouldn't, but definitely don't do it until you feel convinced that it is what you want at that particular time. Anyway, good luck--I tend to think the best relationships come out of longtime friendships, and it sounds like you two have good potential. Hopefully you'll let us know how it turns out...

 
Old 09-13-2006, 03:31 PM   #4
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BetsyJean HB User
Re: Should sex wait?

Just a bit of practical advice:
If you don't want the kissing to lead to sex make sure your dates don't end at his place.

 
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