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Old 09-11-2006, 10:34 PM   #1
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Problems Between Husband & Neice

I sometimes invite my neice and nephew to spend the night with me. My neice is a handful. She is nine, very loud, wild and sometimes disrespectful. My nephew is 15. I helped to raise him until he was around six, so I feel closer to him. We have fun when they come over, the only problem is my neice who just likes to jump around making a lot of noice around the house. I put up with this, because if I am going to have the nephew over, then I have to have her. Sometimes I tell her to cool it if she is being exceptionally loud. My husband can be very smarmy and he constantly makes sarcastic cracks to her. Most of the time the comments go over her head. I have asked him to stop with the sarcastic cracks, because as she gets older she will be able to see that he is being sarcastic with her and it will hurt her since she has a little crush on him. Luckily, she doesn't understand them now, but when she finally does understand it, she is going to be hurt by his sarcasm as I do believe she has a little crush on him. I feel the best thing is to keep those two apart by not inviting her over anymore. As much as I love having them here eventually he is going to get sarcastic it will come to a point where she won't want to come over anymore. That's what I'm trying to prevent. I know my husband should be allowed to discipline my neice when she is in our house, but him trying to teach her to do better is not going to work. We can't re-raise her. All I asked was for him to put up with it as everything she is doing is really age appropriate and he couldn't even do that. He won't be happy until all of my family members stop talking to me.

 
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Old 09-12-2006, 06:25 AM   #2
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyIsThisMyLife
My neice is a handful. She is nine, very loud, wild and sometimes disrespectful. We can't re-raise her. All I asked was for him to put up with it as everything she is doing is really age appropriate and he couldn't even do that.
being disrespectful is not age appropriate at any age.....why should he put up with it? No you can't re-raise her but you can lay down some rules about appropriate/acceptable behavior in YOUR house.
I wouldn't put up with it either........take a closer look at this situation.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 07:03 AM   #3
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

I wouldn't not get those kids if I were in your situation. I would lay down some ground rules that they HAVE to abide by. Period. As far as your husband, you should let him know how you feel about it also.

What you should probably think about is that those kids are apart of YOUR family and your husband needs to accept that if at all possible. Assuming that he has family that you talk to, I would expect the same courtesy. Sometimes you need to think they are kids. Point blank. Kids are a handful, lord knows mine are. But again, the ground rules you need to lay down, and if they don't follow, make the consequences, and don't go back on them. Even if it means you saying that they can't spend the night anymore unless they behave. At the same time don't let them feel like you or your husband are trying to take control of everything. Give them the ability to have choices.

Good luck

 
Old 09-12-2006, 10:54 AM   #4
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

As with any child, they need and want structure. With structure, comes discipline. It is up to you to enforce this in your house.

I think it is fine to have both your niece and nephew over, but remember the structure and discipline is in your hands. If you are finding it hard to control your neice, then you need to learn some discipline tricks. Use the 1-2-3 Magic rule (great book) or something else that you may know about.

Having a pleasant visit is not impossible. You are the adult and must lay down the law.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:31 PM   #5
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

I don't know.
It's HIS house, too. Maybe its time for a compromise - especially since they are getting older.
Maybe its time to cut back on the overnights and exchange them for some one on one time with each kid.
Take her by herself for a mega-shopping trip, have him over for movie night.
Each kid will feel special, and it leaves your home in the DMZ...

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:37 PM   #6
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

I'm just wondering and would like to ask you.........Why exactly is it that you seem to be worried about the little girls crush with your husband? May I ask how old you and him are?

I don't think that its uncommon for little girls to have crushes on older men in the family. But I think that at her age that is exactly what it is a CRUSH. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it, from your posts. Just maybe she gets on his nerves often. I understand TOTALLY why you feel that her feelings might get hurt if she grows older and thinks back to some of the ways your husband acted or commented to her. Children are very much intouch with those things and sooner than later also. I agree that there needs to be some ground rules laid for the children. But on the other hand, ya'll need to tell the children how very much they are loved during good times and during disciplinary times. Now neice, I really love you but......your gonna have to lower your voice because it gets very distracting and I do hear you without being loud. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Husband needs to stop acting so mature himself and put the little girls feeling upfront so as not to hurt them. For gracious sake, we don't want our children to always think we are critical or sarcastic towards them. Let her know just because there are things you don't agree with that she does; absolutely has NO bearings on how much YA'LL love her and brother. She sounds like she might just need some attention and children do that alot, in any way possible whether it be productive or not. They tend to be bad and good and will do which ever one gets your attention the most. Just gotta love her anyway. I really hope this helps somewhat and I didn't mean to sound so bad for the questions I asked at the beginning of this post. I was just curious. Have a blessed day, my friend.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 05:08 PM   #7
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Re: Problems Between Husband & Neice

Thanks, everyone who responded! I wrote about this last night and forgot and post again this morning. Shorty39. I'm not really worried about the crush. I had crushes on older men when I was her age and I know now that I was probably worrisome and annoying doing things to get the man's attention. That is what she is doing and I see it. I just don't want the crushing hearbreak when she finally gets all the sarcastic cracks. I don't want her not to want to come and visit me, because of him. I believe in discipline, but a lot of the times when he gets sarcastic it is because she asks a certain question or makes an observation (Neice: I see the game is still 16 and 16. Husband: We see you have good eyesight). It's uncalled for. Now when she is very noisy, I don't really have a problem with him asking her to keep it down. It's only when he snaps. Little girls feelings are easily hurt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty39
I'm just wondering and would like to ask you.........Why exactly is it that you seem to be worried about the little girls crush with your husband? May I ask how old you and him are?

I don't think that its uncommon for little girls to have crushes on older men in the family. But I think that at her age that is exactly what it is a CRUSH. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it, from your posts. Just maybe she gets on his nerves often. I understand TOTALLY why you feel that her feelings might get hurt if she grows older and thinks back to some of the ways your husband acted or commented to her. Children are very much intouch with those things and sooner than later also. I agree that there needs to be some ground rules laid for the children. But on the other hand, ya'll need to tell the children how very much they are loved during good times and during disciplinary times. Now neice, I really love you but......your gonna have to lower your voice because it gets very distracting and I do hear you without being loud. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Husband needs to stop acting so mature himself and put the little girls feeling upfront so as not to hurt them. For gracious sake, we don't want our children to always think we are critical or sarcastic towards them. Let her know just because there are things you don't agree with that she does; absolutely has NO bearings on how much YA'LL love her and brother. She sounds like she might just need some attention and children do that alot, in any way possible whether it be productive or not. They tend to be bad and good and will do which ever one gets your attention the most. Just gotta love her anyway. I really hope this helps somewhat and I didn't mean to sound so bad for the questions I asked at the beginning of this post. I was just curious. Have a blessed day, my friend.

 
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