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Old 09-11-2006, 10:37 PM   #1
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in limbo over cheating

Me and my twenty two year old boyfriend have been dating since I was sixteen. We were together exclusively and everything was going well and after four years and seven months together- I threw it all away when I cheated on him with a guy I only knew for one day. How could I of let this happen, and what should I do if I have feelings for this new guy? We have been very intamite a few times (and not that this is justifyable towards my actions, but I cheated on my boyfriend by kissing and oral sex- not all the way). I feel like I am hurting everyone in this bad situation even though they know of eachother. I am very torn between the two and need help on the final decision. I already hurt my ex, and what if I hurt him again. He says he stills loves me. I dont want to hurt either of them anymore.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:44 AM   #2
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Re: in limbo over cheating

It's obvious your boyfriend really cares about you, if he's willing to let that big of a breach of trust go, especially if he's saying he still loves you. I think you should stick with your boyfriend, especially after that much time, you know that he cares about you deeply so why throw it away over someone you just met.

 
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Old 09-12-2006, 05:44 AM   #3
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by brwneyedgirl020
I threw it all away when I cheated on him with a guy I only knew for one day. How could I of let this happen, and what should I do if I have feelings for this new guy? We have been very intamite a few times (and not that this is justifyable towards my actions, but I cheated on my boyfriend by kissing and oral sex- not all the way). I feel like I am hurting everyone in this bad situation even though they know of eachother. I am very torn between the two and need help on the final decision. I already hurt my ex, and what if I hurt him again. He says he stills loves me. I dont want to hurt either of them anymore.
you're asking us? I'm wondering too....how could you let that happen?
with a guy you only knew a day, but your BF knows.....so they were friends? family? acquaintances? How did this situation come about? You need to ask yourself how/why it happenned......what's missing in your relationship?

 
Old 09-12-2006, 08:12 AM   #4
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Stick with your boyfriend. Period. If he'll still have you and trust you that is. If you don't trust yourself, then yes you probably will eventually cheat again.

Good luck...

 
Old 09-12-2006, 09:05 AM   #5
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Re: in limbo over cheating

If you think you'll cheat again, get some therapy or some time of help, cheating doesn't help anything at all, and it seems to me like your still talking to both of them, if you really cared about your boyfriend why would you do that to him? You should try to make things right with the person who has been with you for a long time and is still standing by your side even though you cheated on him.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:43 PM   #6
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Re: in limbo over cheating

I'm probably alone here, but I'd give up both of them.
You're not ready for the relationship you already have, and starting a new one while you're in a relationship doesn't sound good either.

Take a break.
Be yourself, with yourself, concentrate on growing as a person instead of as part of a couple.
There are no guarantees that you won't end up alone when you are older - now is the time to practice the independence that all women should know they are capable of.

Prove to yourself that you can be a person all on your own. 16 is pretty young to have been so tied down. It used to be that engagement/marriage was the commitment. Now, you have to sleep with someone, and then be faithful to them before you ever have a chance to just date them.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 12:49 PM   #7
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Tell your bf and let him decide.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 01:18 PM   #8
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by brwneyedgirl020
Me and my twenty two year old boyfriend have been dating since I was sixteen. We were together exclusively and everything was going well and after four years and seven months together- I threw it all away when I cheated on him with a guy I only knew for one day. How could I of let this happen, and what should I do if I have feelings for this new guy? We have been very intamite a few times (and not that this is justifyable towards my actions, but I cheated on my boyfriend by kissing and oral sex- not all the way). I feel like I am hurting everyone in this bad situation even though they know of eachother. I am very torn between the two and need help on the final decision. I already hurt my ex, and what if I hurt him again. He says he stills loves me. I dont want to hurt either of them anymore.
If you love your boyfriend,why cheat???

 
Old 09-12-2006, 03:21 PM   #9
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Re: in limbo over cheating

My boyfriend knows everything that has happened. We broke up a few days the day from when it happened. We still want to be friends, but he says I have to stop talking to the other guy, I don't think I want to date the other guy. My ex boyfriend is giving me till thursday night to decide, he says he can't deal with the stress of me talking to him and being all nice and still talking to the other guy, he's had to go on antidepressants because of this whole situation to.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 09:52 AM   #10
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Re: in limbo over cheating

I went through the same situation with one of my boyfriends a while back. We were dating for about 3 years, I ended up cheating on him and we tried to be friends, but I kept talking to the guy I cheated with, it upset him and we wern't able to be friends. About 3 weeks later I started dating the new guy and 2 weeks after that he cheated on me with my friend. I regret losing the special bond I had with my ex and I tried to call him up, he said because I didn't choose him he couldn't be my friend. DON'T DO IT. Stick with the person who was with you and obviously still cares about you if he's willing to forgive you for cheating on him and still be your friend.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 10:07 AM   #11
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelygirl2233
About 3 weeks later I started dating the new guy and 2 weeks after that he cheated on me with my friend.

ain't Karma a ******?

 
Old 09-13-2006, 10:16 AM   #12
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Re: in limbo over cheating

Regardless of what you decide, you owe it to yourself to identify why you cheated on your BF in the first place. Was it because you feel somewhat restricted by the relationship, that this "other guy" made you feel some connection you couldn't resist, was it pure sexual curosity, or whatever else? Until you understand that, what's the point of considering the continuation of that relationship with your ex, as you are liable to cheat again.

Your ex must care for you a lot. You have to consider, though, how your cheating might change the dynamics of the relationship. You have to look at things from his perspective as well. If you stay with him, you have to cut all ties to this other guy 100%, so keep that in mind.

Someone suggested you not stay with either person--that might be a good choice.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 08:02 PM   #13
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Re: in limbo over cheating

I am leaning towards staying in touch with my ex boyfriend as just his friend, but I know I am going to resent the fact that I am not even going to be given the chance to give the other guy a chance. My ex is giving me till tomorrow to make this decision. My ex says he will never be my friend again if I do not pick him and I dont know if I should beleive him or not. I feel like going to a deserted island just to get away and disappear for a few days.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 08:46 PM   #14
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Re: in limbo over cheating

From what I have learned in life so far, a guy who "messes around with you" before truly getting to know you usually isn't the kind of guy who wants a real, healthy relationship. Now, this may not be true in all cases, but I think it is in the majority. Does this "other guy" say that he wants a relationship with you? How do you know he won't just ditch you after he gets some more booty from you, and then you'll be stuck with no one? Being stuck with nobody isn't all that bad at all, but if you are looking for a relationship, it seems like staying with your boyfriend should be the way to go. He is willing to forgive you and stay with you after you cheated on him, while I don't see any guarantees with this other guy. Also, did the other guy know you had a boyfriend when you messed around with him? If so, it is disrespectful on his part, too, because if he really cared about you, he should've said, "No, this isn't right. You have a boyfriend. When you guys break up, give me a call." Honestly, I have been in a similar situation and it truly is very stressful and can be heartwrenching, but I think you should sit down and really think about what it is that you are looking for. You should decide if you truly want a relationship, and what it is that you are looking to get out of that relationship. Then, I think you should look at each guy seperately and evaluate their character. You may come to the conclusion that neither is right at this point in time, and that is okay, too. Take care,
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Old 09-14-2006, 02:09 AM   #15
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Re: in limbo over cheating

You feel like you're going to resent your ex for not letting you give the other guy a chance.
If you feel there may be something with the new guy, then don't let your guilt over what you did control the rest of your life. Even if things don't work out with him, then at least you'll know. And don't let your ex use that guilt to control you either.
I don't condone cheating. I was cheated on by my ex-husband, so I've been on the recieving end of this situation. But the way I look at situations like this is, there was something wrong in the relationship for the cheating to have taken place. So, that relationship has issues already. Why live your life by someone else's rules? No friend has any right to tell you who you can talk to and friends do not give ultimatums, no matter what your history is. Either your ex wants what's best for you and is your friend no matter what, or he lets go and lets you live your life.
If you were still involved with your ex romantically and he asked you not to talk to this other guy, then I'd agree with him. But if from this point on he is your friend, then he can't ask things like this of you.
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