My neice has a crush on my husband. The funny thing is even though he says he loves her, I personally don't think he likes her much. She is nine and can be loud and boisterous. He makes a lot of smart comments to her. I asked him to stop, but he still does. One comment last night when she came up and remarked that the score on the game was still 16 to 16. He said well you got good eyesight. It's little things like that. They go over her head, but sooner or later she is going to start understanding and she will no longer want to come visit me, because he will be here. My sister does not come over either, because she does not like my husband. I love my neice, but she can be a handful. My husband and I are really very close to her brother. So, they have to both come. I'm thinking I should stop inviting them though. My husband can't stop with the smart remarks and I don't want her to get to the point where he will do something and she will get her feelings hurt and begin to hate him. He says I'm pointing her over him. Yes, she is loud and boisterous, but we cannot re-raise her. We can only put up with it to have her and her brother's company. Any advice?
I think you and your husband need to sit down and talk. She is your niece and you have a right to have her at your house. Set rules though. No you can't yell at her because she announced the score of the game,(yes maybe annoying to your husband but she is 9 and was probably just looking for his attention since you say she has a crush) however talk about what is expectable and what isn't. Maybe if they both know where the lines are, (your husband and your niece), things will be a little easier to handle.
For the neice:
Set specific rules that address a few of the behaviors you want her to control while she is in your house. Have a specific consequence for rules not being followed, which should include being taken directly home.
For the hubby:
Explain that you are trying new guidelines for the neice and that he needs to refrain from sarcasm with the girl or else stay away from her. (And she needs to leave him alone if told to do so.) She is old enough to reason and in no way should be an out-of-control kid unless allowed to do so.
I still don't understand why you entitled your thread "Niece has crush on husband"??? From your description, it sounds like it's more of a discipline issue more than anything else. It's just strange to read such a title--I was imagining some teenager trying to flirt with your husband in a provocative way. Meanwhile, it's a thread about a nine year old kid who's a little too loud and rambunctious, that's all. What's the big deal? I doubt she'll get scarred so severly from your husband's mildly sarcastic, and maybe even purely humorous, remarks. It's not like he's yelling at her, calling her an idiot, or completely ignoring her. It's totally normal. His remark, "well, you've got good eye sight" sounds actually funny, not mean, to me. What is the issue?? As someone who had been through abuse in childhood, I find this trivial and a non existant problem. Just tell her to behave herself and keep it down when she starts being too loud. Treat her like you would your own child. I honestly think you are blowing this out of proportion.
I agree with Sophia 100%. I also don't quite understand the relevance of your niece having a crush on your husband. Are you trying to say that since she has a crush, you are afraid that your husband's sarcasm is going to "hurt" her more? To me, it also doesn't really sound like a crush; children of that age often have a "favorite" family member that they enjoy interacting with. Although your niece may be "loud and rambunctious", I feel like it would hurt her more if you no longer allowed her at your house because she would not understand why, and personally, I don't either. Maybe I'm just not understanding the post.
What you have here is the classic example of a child. Children love attention.
Now for some odd reason female children like attention from male adults, particularly father figures. (Elektra complex for you psych buffs)
This is just a fact of life, I have to say that I cannot agree with it being "flirting". At this stage in life she's retracting from boys of her own age and should be starting to attach herself to her father, or since it seems in this case, uncle.
I'm sorry but I am unable to side with you on this issue