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Old 09-12-2006, 12:39 PM   #1
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hukf HB User
Low desire for sex-caused from self image?

I have been married almost 1 year now, my husband and I did not have intercourse before we were married so this is all new to us.
I have a hard time wanting to or showing that I want to have sex. I blame it on the fact that I am fairly shy about my body and don't have the best self esteem about the way I look. When I comes down to it I know nothing is really wrong with the way I look, I have a poor self image for some reason. I think that reason could be because I conracted HPV from a previous relationship (without having sex-just body to body contact) I do not have or show any symptoms of this virus any longer but I believe it really beat down on my self esteem.
This is causing a really big problem in my marriage-it's something we have been fighting about for a long time. And it seems to just get worse. I don't know what to do to make it better, any suggestions.
I also have a question because when we do have sex (about once a week-which is not enough according to my husband) it burns inside afterwards? What would cause this?
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 
Old 09-12-2006, 05:42 PM   #2
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thegardener HB User
Re: Low desire for sex-caused from self image?

Well a burning feeling isn't making sex very enjoyable. You could have an infection like vaginosis, which is inflammation because the normal flora isn't in balance. Maybe go see a gynecologist and try eating yogurt? Also, maybe you are having feelings that you are dirty because of the HPV? Maybe forgive yourself for having it????

 
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Old 09-12-2006, 05:42 PM   #3
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thegardener HB User
Re: Low desire for sex-caused from self image?

Well a burning feeling isn't making sex very enjoyable. You could have an infection like vaginosis, which is inflammation because the normal flora isn't in balance. Maybe go see a gynecologist and try eating yogurt? Also, maybe you are having feelings that you are dirty because of the HPV? Maybe forgive yourself for having it????

 
Old 09-12-2006, 06:21 PM   #4
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angeleyes0906 HB User
Re: Low desire for sex-caused from self image?

Just a couple of thoughts here,

First, The burning could be from friction, if you are apprehensive and lose interest even for a couple seconds the vagina can dry out, try using a lubricant and see if it continues. The others can be right as well if you have an infection it can cause irritation as well, but you would show signs of infection either by discharge, or oder, especially worse after intercourse.

Im going to make a huge assumtion here, your husband is aware of the HPV and is okay with the history, and you are still concerned with it or passing it on, then discuss using a condom, unless you are concidering pregnancy. It may help you relax more if that issue is addressed.

On the lighter side, most newly wed males don't think once a week is enough, I have been married 6 years and trust me, my husband still swears hes the most deprived man on earth, trust me hes far from it......lol

Have just a couple of questions though, are you comfortable with your sex life and basically happy with your "knowledge" and performance? Do you feel that there is something missing on either side, you may need to speak to your husband or someone else you can trust to become more comfortable if you aren't now.

 
Old 09-13-2006, 10:36 AM   #5
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dewdrop333 HB User
Re: Low desire for sex-caused from self image?

Your low drive can be from body image issues, sure ... it can also be performance anxiety .. even the burning (as another poster said) can because of your anxiety level ...

Try being more in controle .. set your mood ... set it the way YOU find romantic .. and realize that sex is a beautiful thing .. that can bring you and your husband closer together ...

This is the man that you will grow old with ... he loves you ... he wants to express that love .. but only YOU can decide that this is something you want too.

I say arranging for it to be more of what you picture in your mind will help loads! Candles, the right music .. an outfit you feel good about yourself in ... taking your time ... getting relaxed .. a massage from your husband .. give him one too ... do what FEELS right ... and yes, get a lubricant .. and maybe a glass of wine.
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Last edited by dewdrop333; 09-13-2006 at 10:38 AM.

 
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