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Old 09-12-2006, 12:57 PM   #1
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Shorty39 HB User
My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

My husband and I have this other couple that goes to church with us as our best friends. The male is still basically the same towards my husband and I. BUT the female is NOT at all really. The male and I use to IM alot at night. My husband doesn't even touch the computer but he would sit here with me at night and read all the IM's that the other couple and I would write. If my husband wanted to say something he'd just tell me and I'd write it. We all had lots of fun IM'ing. BUT something has changed. The man doesn't really get on the IM anymore and because of that we hardly ever meet at the computer anymore. The wife just started acting strange one day and it's been almost a year now. She doesn't call me or talk very much at church anymore either. If I called her she'd make some excuse and tell me she'd call me back and she NEVER does EVER. So I just would send her an IM and tell her I missed talking to her or I've even sent her flowers before and told her I missed her. We use to go to gospel concerts together and out to eat. But it's been atleast a year or longer since that happend. Not real sure what to do. Whats ya'll opinions? Do I continue reaching out to her. He sits behind me in the choir beside my husband and he's always cracking some jokes or trying to pull my chair out from under me and my husband just laughs at him and they are always thinking of pranks to pull on me. Just being bid kids kinda. She doesn't even sit by me at choir anymore either. I'm kinda getting tired of her just brushing me off as if I'm not important to her anymore. But I can't make her be my friend either. Her husband and me and my husband are still ok. But I sense sometimes the man not joking too much with me when she's around. What's with that........But if she's not around he's just like he always was. And don't get me wrong he still talks to me when shes there but not to the extent it was before. Him and I always just laughed at everything and she's more laid back I guess. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with joking and just being friends and stuff at the appropriate times; of course, not when preaching is going on. Anyway, my husband and I have talked and he said he'd ask the man it something was wrong with his wife and if we'd hurt her feelings or something. But the man always says "Not that I know of" don't worry about it. My question is "Do I just walk away and forget that she was my friend and accept the fact that she doesn't want to be our best friends?" Please advice me and any questions I'll try and answer to the best of my ability. Thanks in advance

 
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Old 09-12-2006, 01:24 PM   #2
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SophiaM HB User
Re: My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty39
The male and I use to IM alot at night.
Well, there goes your answer. Your friend's wife got jealous and insecure because she probably thinks her husband has a crush on you. She saw you and him IM-ing for a long time on the computer at night, having a blast, and she got jealous. She wanted to distance herself and her husband from you. Maybe he made some complimentary remarks to her about your personality or appearance--you never know. And it's possible that he does, in fact, have a crush on you. All these jokes and pranks--they could be innocent but then again, they might not. Does he joke like that and pulls cute, funny pranks on his own wife? Doesn't sound like it. You were getting the attention of both your husband and that guy, while she wasn't getting any male attention, not even her own husband's. That's where the problem lies, I think. Not sure what you can do about it, though. It seems that you tried to reassure her you want to be HER friend as well as her husband's, but I think she doesn't trust you, or perhaps she doesn't trust her husband and prefers to keep a distance. If that's the case, you have no choice but to accept her wishes and perhaps find other friends in the church.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 01:44 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

I'd say she sounds jealous that you were getting the attention of both her husband and yours and she probably felt left out. I get the feeling her personality isn't as outgoing or spontaneous as yours, or both husband's. She's not the type to pull pranks and goof around, right? Maybe she's just more quiet and got jealous/annoyed because she doesn't really fit in.

It sounds like you tried to reassure her that you want to be her friend, too. Did you direct the flowers to her name? Did you send the IM to her (or to her husband)? If you sent the flowers and IM directly to her, it is obvious she doesn't want to reconcile anything with you. You tried your best. If you sent them to both (or just him), it could be that she say this as an attempt to exclude her.

Anyway, it sounds like she wants to be sour grapes about it all. I think she feels excluded, but that's her own fault. Now she will be even more excluded. She may feel offended by something you did, but I'm sure you didn't do anything intentional and you tried to find out what was wrong.

Her husband's not going to tell you anything as I'm sure she told him not to and he doesn't want any problems with her.

So I guess at this point, try not to worry about it. You may want to occasionally see if she wants to talk or go to coffee or dinner or whatever it is you guys used to do -- maybe she'll come around one day, but don't count on it.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 01:52 PM   #4
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Destea HB User
Re: My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

I could be way off base here, but my initial thoughts regarding your post leads me to believe she may not be happy about your close friendship with her husband. Perhaps she's even threatened by it? If he doesn't joke as much with her around, I would assume she's raised this concern with him, and he knows not to be as "outgoing" with you when she is present.

Again, I could be wrong but this is my gut reaction. I'd suggest telling her there's something you'd really like to discuss with her, then if at all possible, go somewhere for lunch or coffee and just spell it out for her. You cherished her friendship, you want to know honestly what's wrong, and you can't do anything until she's open with you.

 
Old 09-12-2006, 05:49 PM   #5
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Location: florida
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angeleyes0906 HB User
Re: My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

I have to agree with the others, my first instinct reading your post is that at some point she became jealous. She may have been fine with it in the beginning but if he seemed to become "addicted" to the IMing and seeing you guys in church, she may be trying to put distance between all of you, which would explain the change of behavior when shes around and when shes not. There is no way to know what changed her attitude unless shes willing to discuss it, and it doesn't sound likely. If you get the opportunity to find out then I would, otherwise move on and don't let it get to you. You shouldn't have to stop having fun and being friends if the rest of you are comfortable with the situation.

Best wishes
angeleyes

 
Old 09-12-2006, 07:09 PM   #6
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Shorty39 HB User
Re: My Husband and My Best Friends!!!HELP!!!

Thats what my husband and I thought at first was that she was probably just jealous of her husband talking w/me. But when we IM she's sitting at her computer and her husband is at his and me and my husband are at ours. They would both be IM'ing my computer from both of theres. So its not like anybody was secretive in saying anything. Both of there computers are in the same room at their house. And like I said my husband doesn't do computers but he'd sit here with me while we all talked and laughed. I saw her tonight and she hardly said anything again, but she did talk a little bit. I don't wanna lose her friendship but I don't want her husband to be making her feel uncomfortable either by talking or joking w/me. Yes my personality is much more outgoing than hers I guess. But she use to laugh along with us all but maybe not start the laugh. I feel really bad and would never want her to think that I had a crush on her husband. Thats why I hardly ever talk to him on IM unless at least one of the other spouse is present. Sometimes I can just be online and he'll IM through yahoo because he saw me online. Any other ideas on this topic would be appreciated.

 
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