I've posted on here about a guy I've been talking to for a little over a month. He and I live about an hour away... Anyway, he initiated contact with me, and we had our first "date" about three weeks into talking. He came to where I lived, we had dinner, went to a movie, had a nice goodnight kiss...He told me to call him when I wanted to go out again, and we've been talking on average about 2-3 times/week. I went to see him about three weeks ago where he lives, and we went to dinner (I paid, but only to be courteous, then asked him if he was okay with that...) then we came back to his place and watched a movie. He wasn't feeling very well he said, and I could tell (won't get into the details)
He called me the next day to thank me for coming to see him, apologizing and saying "Thanks for coming over even though it wasn't for very long" and said he hoped to talk to me soon. Anyway, we've still been talking. Okay, here comes me being confused (and guys in particular, maybe you can help me decode male behavior...He knows I am busy (with school and work) so my schedule/free time does fluctuate. I told him I was free one week and asked if he wanted to hang out; he said he'd call me back a couple days later and let me know (which he did) and he said he wasn't trying to "put it off" but he had lots of bills due and asked if we could maybe hang out the following week. I told him that was okay, and I've talked to him a couple times since. I very casually asked him if he might still want to do something (tonight we talked) this coming week on my day off, and he gave me the same answer..."Let me double-check. I don't see it being a problem right now, but I said that last time, huh?" (then he chuckled). Then he asked if I work this Saturday and said he would be in my city, and I told him I did have to work. When I went back and asked if he was seeing if I was off to meet or something he sort of seemed like that's what he meant. Then, I told him I could drive there if he wanted (next week) and he said "Or, we can meet somewhere or something, half-way or something..." Then I texted him a while later (may have been a mistake) and discretely asked if he was still interested in talking and he said "Yes, lol..." I joked through it and told him goodbye.
Onto my question....what's up with him? Not wanting me to drive there to see him (to his place), or maybe he felt weirded out I offered? Does he sound interested? He seems warm/cold...Advice from the males would be appreciated
Last edited by CUCrusaders24; 09-13-2006 at 07:18 PM.
Is it possible that he could be married and doesn't want you coming to his city very often? I think it strange too. I don't really know what to say except that you might have to descretly dig down a little deeper. Let us know how everything goes.
I had a guy like this in my life for a very brief time. I was very confused as you were. Basically, he did what yours does: pursued me hard-core for about a week, initiated plans and I actually really liked the little I knew of him so I was excited, and then he canceled, sighting something like bills, as your guy did. I was a little annoyed considering it was supposed to be our first real 'day-date'. Anyway I joked through it too, and we talked and met up later, and for a few more weeks we talked, but I would always be doing the initiating. It seemed as though he was just going along with it. Anyway, finally he met me for dinner, and then I offered to pay and he said yes. The whole entire time he seemed interested, but not...if that makes sense. We had a great conversation, no lulls or awkwardness, but he just didnt seem to really give a sh**. He even said he canceled our day-date b/c he "wasn't in the mood". ?!!
We even kissed at my door as he walked me to my apt. I never figured it out, but I never called him after that dinner, and he never called me. I just chalked it up to indifference/apathy on his part, but who knows. One of my friends said that it was the fact that I never slept with him and thats all he wanted. That was pretty appalling but I wouldnt put it past him either.
Is it possible that both of you are trying to play it cool and he cant read you either, so he doesnt want to look too eager? I dont know, Im kind of leaning toward the conclusion that I made about my past guy- maybe he just doesnt have a clue or he's lazy? Or maybe its true that hes married or has a gf, but I don't know, weren't you at his place already?
Id say he's either apathetic, already involved with someone/trying to remain single in hopes to play the field and doesn't want to try too hard, or just clueless. But yeah, these situations are confusing arent they! Honestly if you never figure it out, just let it go, its probably not worth the analysis, as I found out. If a guy is right for you, I believe that you would never have to wonder if he's into you...
Hmnn...people in general can be hard to decipher sometimes. I guess my advice would be to wait it out a bit longer, to give him the benefit of a doubt. I would play it cool, but make sure to watch for any major red flags that would say that he is married or has a live-in girlfriend, like the other poster suggested. I think giving this guy a reasonable time limit would be best, because it would be a waste of your time to keep listening to excuses this guy may make. I would be confused by his behavior as well, and I personally would want to date a man who actively pursued and seemed genuinely interested in dating me/seeing me again instead of this wishy-washy guy if I was single. Since he did actually say that "yes" he is still interested, I'd give it a bit more time. Good luck, I hope everything goes well.
The truth about time is that if someone is interested they make time. Regarding a few exceptions, if his vocation is in something wherein he needs to be on call for long periods of time, his story is sounding fishy. Unfortunately not all of us men think alike, and certain things can be hard to decode from written text. But from what you have said, a girlfriend or wife is not too hard to imagine.
Here's a tip: check his "my space" (It won't let me write it together, but I assume you know what I mean). Look him up. Usually these days everyone has one and you should be able to gather more than you think from his contacts, comments, and "status" from the page. That's a way to be sure, but my instincts point to fishy if he has started to hide things from you
Courtship is kinda like playing elimination rounds in a competition and I'll say he has just been eliminated.
There are too many probabilities in your post. He could be married, engaged, attached etc etc. Or he can be moody, lazy, inconsiderate, or just playing hard to get. But it doesn't really matter cause the fact here is....you are not on his hotlist. He won't turn you down outright cause everybody likes to have as many options or backups as possible.
Unless you see some other qualities in him to make it worth your while, just call in another candidict....NEXT please...!
The last time I talked to him, I politely asked if he was even interested in still talking and he said "Yes." I left him a message last night (Sun.) and asked him to give me a call if he could get together Mon. night, or even if he couldn't, just to let me know (I ended up putting off plans with someone else, and I feel stupid for keeping my evening open IN CASE he called, which he didn't).
Now I'm really confused; he said yes he did want to still talk, yet I'm back at square one, not knowing if he doesn't have the guts to flat out tell me if he's not interested, or if there's something else to it...could he have been scared off by me asking if he was still interested this early on? I'm a little annoyed, but in a weird way hope he's okay, and now I'm left wondering again...
I know how confused you are feeling! I have a guy that keeps popping in and out of my life. Makes plans with me but then either cancels or simply stands me up - never calls when he says he will - never returns phone calls. This last time, we had plans for Thursday night. He was supposed to come over to my house for dinner. I cooked and had everything ready but he didn't show. I got a call about 7:00 saying he had a "blow out" and would call me later. Never got a call. Never got an email. Since then, I've called him twice to see if he was ok but of course, haven't heard from him. I've gone through this cycle with him about 4 times and the past and basically told him to get lost. He leaves me alone for a while but then a month or two later I'll get a call from him like nothing has happened. This last time is it for me though. I haven't heard from him since Thursday night when he stood me up. The mixed signals are what drive me crazy though and I guess are what suck me in time and time again. This past month he asked me to move to a new city with him and he was talking about children and having a home BUT then he pulls crap like this. His behavior is unacceptable and not how a man treats a woman when he wants to be with her. I know what I have to do but I've been "seeing" him for about 8 months and gave him ample opportunity to prove himself. Go with your gut. Deep down you know the answer here.
I know. I have a gut feeling that he's just not calling. I was talking to a friend about it and she asked "Well, has he always called when he said he would?" and 90% of the time, yes, he did. I'm not obsessing about it, and I'm otherwise occupied (with normal life duties/activities and day to day things) but its when I have a few minutes that I'm not busy, it pops in my head. How do I get closure, when I've been talking to someone who seemed to be (at least) semi-interested and it just stops cold turkey? How do I keep myself from thinking its something I did or said, or stay optimistic when I feel like I keep running into brick walls with men and dating?
Honestly, I don't know how you get closure. I don't expect it and you probably shouldn't either. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. In my case, I've been hoping my guy would finally call so I could tell him what I think of his behavior but honestly, it's not my job to lecture this guy and tell him what is and isn't acceptable behavior for a guy who wants have a relationship with a girl. If he doesn't get it at age 35, too bad for him. My gut tells me there is way more to this story than he is telling me and I don't need the drama and constant stress in my life. It's like a million others have said around here; if you are questioning it, it's probably not right (or something like that). There's nothing wrong with giving him some time and telling him how you really feel though. That's totally your decision.
He did get in touch with me, and said "I'm really sorry" and proceeded to tell me he left his phone at a friend's who lived a long ways away, and that the friend just brought him the phone, but that he would have called me that night (the night I asked him to call me back either way, if he could get together or not). This was yesterday that he got a hold of me (sent a text) and I responded today and said "Okay, Its fine." Havent heard anything again from him...now what?
When the right guy comes along you will know it by the fact of how much the two of you want to be together and make time for each other. If you are not getting what you want from a rel'ship then my advice is to move on, as there are plenty of other fish in the sea!