This past month, I had been working on a freelance project and met a guy on the job who peaked my interest. We seemed to hit it off alright, but I found myself acting aloof around him much of the time and I fear that I never really got the chance to find out if I had peaked his interest as well (the project is over now). It's this defense mechanism that I seem to have developed: one second I'd be quite friendly and chatty with him but later I'll convince myself he isn't interested and act cool and detached.
In retrospect, he showed signs of digging me, but I feel like I can't trust my intuition anymore; I had my heart CRUSHED a year ago by someone who very clearly seemed to like me, but ultimately, he just strung me along and blew me off (never got a reason why). Ever since then, I have felt pretty hopeless when it comes to love & dating. I am not ready to put myself in the position to be rejected and to be honest, haven't even really met anyone who I was interested in anyway (til now, that is).
I'm going to a party very soon and he'll be there, so it should be interesting to see what may happen outside of a working environment when we're all spruced up and looking fab (a short dress and hot boots are part of my plan ). But any advice on how to curb my tendency to act like I don't care would be very much appreciated, for this situation and ones I'll encounter in the future. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle against my dejected self-esteem and I'd like to feel like I may come out the winner for once
I've been where you have been, and believe me if you recieved some "signals" or thought you did, you most likely have. One of the more... unsatisfactory things with human nature is that if we truly have interest in another person we can never seem to catch a signal, while we can always catch the signals sent by the people we have absolutely no interest in.
You can use this to your advantage by giving him a solid blow of your eyes. Give him some full on eye contact with a little silence. It's my favorite flirt with women. Since he's interested, and believe me he probably is, you'll provide the same mystery and enticement his signals have provided. You'll be in his mind all day
..and one phrase of wisdom:
"You can't hit the ball if you're thinking of all the ways you can miss"
LOL. You make it sound like a battle of the wits. OK, so may be it is. But come on, so what that you had fallen off a horse, I always tell people to get right back on. Are you really gonna let the fear of rejection haunt you for the rest of you life?
Just take a good look in the mirror after you put on your war paint and battle gear....uh....I meant make-up and "short dress and hot boots". Repeat 3 times out loud : "I'm hot and I know it" Be sure to keep the faith through the party.
Now go knock him dead. There will be NO prisoners tonight ! Good Luck
I just laughed outloud. Battle gear... LOVE IT! Thanks!
Yeah, I know, you fall off the horse, you climb back on...yadda yadda. I understand all that. But I kind of feel like I've never really even been "on the horse", so to speak (um, no double entendre intended). I don't exactly date too often or have guys banging down my door (but do any of us have that here in New York, the City that Doesn't Date?). "Sex and the City", that's not my world.
But seriously, my main concern is that my intuition is unreliable. It bothers me A LOT. I used to think I was extremely sensitive to picking up signals and I'm pretty keen on body language, but now I'm not so sure (a little touch on the arm used to be a gesture of interest, but if every guy who did that to me actually asked me out, I'd be a very busy girl!). Oh well, I guess I'll learn soon enough. Hopefully, a couple of cocktails will help me out! Not to mention the (quite tasteful) mini dress and boots
...(a little touch on the arm used to be a gesture of interest, but if every guy who did that to me actually asked me out, I'd be a very busy girl!)...
Never been to the big apple so don't know how much "Sex in the City" is the norm there. But it's hardly the way to search for happiness, at least in the long term, that is.
May be I'm just too old and outdated but touches are always signals to me. And so what if you are really busy? It's the city that never sleeps after all, isn't it? Choices means options and the more the better.
Dating is more of a selection process in the beginning. As in like the best 1 out of 10. It's only towards engagement and marriage or equivalent that it's more like eliminations to the finals, like best of the best. The more experienced you get at dating, the sharper the instinct gets, thus the easier and faster selection etc etc.
Guys fear rejection too! So there are lots of guys who have been interested in a woman but not gotten up the nerve to ask her out.
Just try to have fun and take things slow. Don't focus on "could this become a LTR"? Focus on having fun and getting to know someone. Spend time together and see if you enjoy each others company. You don't have to jump in head first right off the bat. Enjoy the day and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.