Before I explain my situation, let me fill everyone in on some background information. This whole thread may take time to read, but please give it thought. I know I have.
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost one and a half years. And when I mean long distance I mean that I live in San Diego and she lives in Philadelphia.
I don't know how I would need to present this information so that it reads the way it feels inside my head.... but here's a shot.
Ok so this is what's keeping me from sleeping:
So the girl i'm dating is constantly busy. She's a Temple student working two jobs. In addition to never seeing her now I never get to talk to her. Niether of us have any money to visit each other and from the way things play out she can't move here until she graduates. (Another 2 years) I can't move over there because I have a special tuition waiver that works only here in the the State of California.
This is leading me to wonder whether or not this relationship is worth keeping, I can't say if I love her since it's been so long since I've even seen her that I have forgotten what it's even like to be with her. I know it would kill me if I hurt her, and I know that I would miss the five second call in the afternoon that tells me she's alive. But that doesn't mean that I'm happy.
Before I paint myself the vicitim let me let you in on a few dirty secrets of my own.
I have a friend. She was my only true friend while I have been here in San Diego. We stayed plutonic until she had to leave. Something changed between us and I broke a bond to my girlfriend.
Before her there were countless others. None having the meaning she did, and none after her that ever have.
At night I don't think of the girl I should be thinking of. And I'm fairly sure I'm not really thinking of my unplutonic friend. I think I'm thinking of the ideal. She's like my... she's like my Venus. She represents the life of love ,affection, and life experiances of my past and what might be of my future.
When I broke that bond that fateful night, I told myself a myriad of reasons why it happened. These weren't really to calm me down. Unfortunately there were manufactured for the emotional comfort of my brother who had caught me and my friend somewhat in the act, so to speak. (He is a very close friend of my long term relationship partner, their friendship stretches back past our introduction.)
..Apologies. I seem to have gone off on a tangent, although it is quite relevant.
In summerization, I believe why I cannot sleep anymore is because I am in longing. Do not recieve me poorly, if, and unfortunately in this case this is quite the "if", my partner lived close to me I could think of nothing more pleasent then spending the rest of the natural lifespan of the relationship. But she does not, and it seems that will not change for a long, long time.
The sad point in this is I still care for her, and hurting her is the last thing I could ever want. When is it alright for me to think of my happiness as a necissity? She has put up with my absence, just as much as I've put up with her's and it doesn't seem fair to abandon someone like that.
My friend's mother recently died of a horrid tumor in her lungs which caused an aneurism and left her braindead on a hospital table. Unfortunately this is almost how I view my relationship. My relationship does absolutely nothing but lay catatonic on that table. The only difference is that in one or two months it gets up for three days than lies down to begin it's cycle once more.
My friend's father pulled the plug on his lovely wife, whom we all loved dearly.
And now it's time for my decision.
I'm not asking any of you to give me a complete yes or no answer to whether the relationship is, in fact, worthwhile. I simply want more viewpoints on the subject. If there's absolutely anything you have read in this whole... 20 page manuscript please, by all means tell me.
well I wouldn't be in a long distance relationship with someone who lived one state away, much less someone who is on the opposite coast. I think you're putting your life on hold in the hopes of this relationship someday coming together and working out. I don't think you should put your life on hold. Your GF (if you can really call her that, since you haven't talked or seen each other in quite a while) is probably not putting her life on hold, not saying she's cheating on you, but what's the point of a relationship if you're not together? I think you should find someone closer to home, and stop worrying about the guilt......that's what's holding you back, right? the guilt?
Not to say that all long distance relationship fails but they are a lot of work for little in reward and carries a lot of uncertainties. I have only tried it once long ago and don't think I'll ever encourage others to do so.
As they say, "the heart is willing, but the flesh is weak". And when they say "to have and to hold", it's as much physical/sexual as emotional. The point about being partners, BF/GF, DH/DW etc, is that you are together. Not being able to see, touch and interact for such extended periods kinda nullifies the .
I don't know what are you really "hoping for" but I sensed that you already know what you want is NOT what you have now. And believe me, life will go on if you break it off with Philly girl. So may be you should start another thread for gentle ways to break it to her. Good Luck.
To answer your question - the right time to think of your happiness as an absolute necessity is ALWAYS! The one thing I have learned in life and that is that no one is going to make you happy, but yourself. I can understand not wanting to hurt someone, but do you sacrifice your own happiness because of that? Trust me, no woman wants a man to be with her because he thinks she is too fragile to handle it. I can not speak for your girlfriend, but I am sure she would rather you move on with your life then stay with her out of guilt - women have their pride too.
Listen, a relationship is not going to survive without human contact - it is just not possible nor is it very healthy. Being in love includes intimacy and that only goes so far on the telephone. Men are not the only ones that crave the physical closeness - of course women have a bit more willpower in that department, but we have our needs as well - have you ever stopped to think that maybe she feels the same way you do?