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Old 09-14-2006, 02:35 AM   #1
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Red face Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

Well, this year has been a long 1.
Me (23) and my man (20) worked together for about a year, we both were in serious reasonships...so we never got together, but we flirted and there was definite chemistry. Evenually we seperated from our partners and started dating back in may 05. Everything was going great! we were great friends, great lovers..what more could you ask for?
3 Weeks into dating...bam! I'm pregnant!
It was really hard for me to tell him because i was afriad he would tell me to "get rid of it", and that would haven't broken my heart. This guy means more to me thn anyone...and i really wanted to share this beautiful child with him. He was 19 at the time....just out of highschool, still living with his parents...no bills, no responsibilities. See i have been on my own for a few years, and am a responsible adult. I should've been more smart, but my heart took over my body at this point. After a couple weeks things between us started to get very odd, less and less he would call, say i love you, ask me how i was feeling, wanting to spend time together...for the longest time i coudn't figure it out, and became very bitter and sad and angry. We broke in sept. last year, because i had finially had enough...he wasn't saving for our baby, he would ignore me if he saw me in public....I don't know..I admit there were times i was an irrashional b****. But, my hormornes were skyrocketed and all i needed was his arms around me, telling me everything would be ok, and we'd be together. We had been seperated for awhile, weeks would go by and no word. Not even i would call him, i just figured it was over. He'd call, want to "work things out"...we'd hang out, have sex....argue. Then weeks would go by again...same thing over and over for my whole entire pregnancy. I know what your thinking. "Why did you keep going back to him"...well, i loved him that much i guess, that i would put myself through all that pain and torture week after week, just to have him close to me for a short time.
He would bring things up like "lets move in together"...and then take it back a week later, saying i have been too rude to him, he can't stand it!.
When i was giving birth to my baby in march I let him know i was there and that i was in labor.....he didn't come....he said he was waiting for me to "tell" him to get there. Finially after my son was born he came, he sat there with our newborn wrapped in his arms for 5 or 6 hours, never said a word or talked to me or my family. It was the hardest time in my life....Watching the man i love hold the child we created together and say nothing to me.
After i came home from the hospital, things seemed differnt, he was more warm and wanted to talk about things, at this point i had given up all hope and refused him. He told me something that really bothered me. A week after we found out we were having a baby my bestfriend (at the time), told him that i had cheated on him and that the baby maynot/most likely isn't his. He kept this from me for 9 months...Could that explain his actions and why he was soo cold and distant, thinking that this baby wasn't his? We have since moved intogether and are doing really well, but i still wonder why all the drama. Why didn't he just tell me what he had heard, obviously it wasn't true. I know he is a very quiet person and that scares me that he could keep something that huge from me. I love him so much and want nothing more than to be his forever, be a family. But we still have our days where hes worried i am off with someoneelse. Then i find texts and calls form girls.. and i get upset and he leaves...could he be worried about me, because he has a guilty conscience? Please help me understand the male brain, it is so utterly confusing.

 
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Old 09-14-2006, 04:06 AM   #2
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Re: Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rysmamma
.....Could that explain his actions and why he was soo cold and distant, thinking that this baby wasn't his?....could he be worried about me, because he has a guilty conscience? ....
OMG ! Do whatever it takes to prove to him that this is his baby. While that baby is yours for sure, to him it's either of his own blood OR that of a competitors. And boy O boy, is it ever repulsive for guys to just think of their lover being with another man, let alone carrying someone else's baby.

...Sigh...at 20 and with his background, I don't think he has any idea what he's up against. I think he's feeling more confused than any other thing right now, so don't expect much in the way of love and affection. I hope you'll be able to convince him that the child is his for sure. The only chance you have would be for his father instinct to kick in. Otherwise.......very sorry.....

Good Luck

 
Old 09-14-2006, 05:56 AM   #3
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Re: Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

why would your best friend tell him you cheated? what did she have to gain by saying that? This sounds like a maury povich show
in fact, call maury, go on the show and prove to him that he's the father, then jump up and down and point in his face and scream "I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU" (can you tell I watch too much Maury?)

 
Old 09-14-2006, 02:48 PM   #4
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Re: Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

Oh my god, I love Maury too, I even saw him film the show in person once and it was absolutely priceless. Well anyway, about your situation...are you sure that your friend actually said that you were cheating, or are you just taking his word for it? Because it sounds suspicious to me, and his wondering if you cheated is certainly no excuse for being distant and flaky for months and months. He could have simply asked you about it if he was so worried that it was affecting his behavior toward you. I personally think you might be absolutely right about his guilty conscience causing him to accuse you of cheating and doubt your fidelity. While not everyone who suspects their partner of cheating is in fact cheating themselves, he has no real reason to think you are unfaithful. In those kinds of cases, it's quite common for one person to suspect and accuse the other of cheating because they are cheating themselves and thus hyperalert and vigilant against the same thing in others. I suspect this is also caused by guilt and maybe a subconscious desire to end the relationship...in any event, I think you should be concerned. What kind of messages do you find from other women? It also worries me that he gets mad and storms out when you find these messages, because if he had nothing to hide, he would probably talk calmly with you about them and reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.

 
Old 09-14-2006, 05:00 PM   #5
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Re: Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

I know that all this is just very dramatic for you and I can see your point on several issues. It does stand to reason that when you find messages from other women that you get upset somewhat. But I'd find out if he has nothing to hide and isn't doing anything he shouldn't be doing then why the HECK is he so defensive about your questioning him. Usually if someone is guilty they become defensive when caught up with. Why in the heck is he even getting calls or messages when other women if you and him are together???? Noone should even be calling either of you guys; unless its a group of your mutual friends and then you still have to keep a safe distance. When we spend time with the opposite sex and become close enough our minds tend to wonder and it can cause problems for us. He also should have had enough confidence in yours and his relationship that a confrontation would have been NO BIG DEAL about asking what your best friend told him about him not being the babies daddy. Do you know his blood type? Compare it to the babies and that could be a starting point. Might not have the same match but that doesn't excuse him from being the daddy. Get a paternity if it would make him feel better. Although, if you've never done anything to make him doubt it I hardly think it would even matter and probably wouldn't go the extra mile to prove the identity of the baby. You know my friend and he should just believe you. Get some baby pictures of both of you out and compare. We know in our hearts when bonding takes place whether they are our children or not. Even men know this. I'd just be so ashamed of myself for questioning this if I were him. But also it takes a very small person to go tell him something that stupid and he's small for doubting if ya'll have had the close relationship that you claim. But to keep peace; just ask him what he thinks he'd like for ya'll to do to prove this best friend was lying. Best Wishes and be good to yourselves and may God bless you and your family always.

 
Old 09-15-2006, 12:52 AM   #6
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Anonmust HB User
Re: Men please Read! Boyfriend/new father ?????

Listen, I've read your story and from a guy's point of view this is something that's... well it's a nightmare come true. Especially so young. Personally I would have no idea what my reaction would be if I got anyone pregnant.

I understand that this is much the same for some women. When you're that young you have an endless hallway of open doors. Being pregnant or fathering a child unfortunately closes many of them and brings a staggering amount of responsibility. To me there could be nothing more serious.

The situation with your friend is quite confusing, is she trying to break your relationship for some reason?


Regards,



Anonomust

 
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