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Old 09-14-2006, 07:57 PM   #1
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Eric_Cartman HB User
Exclamation Can't Shanke These Trust Issues

First off, lett me tell you that I have had a rough childhood, since pre-school till grade 8, where my so-called friends always made fun of me and used me. Today, I am with my gf of 4 months(shes my first, relationship and sexually) I we are madly in love with each other. My problem is that I am afriad that she will eithere leave me or cheat on me because I feel I am not up to her standard. I told her this, and she always reassures me shes loyal. I know she is becasue she has had someone cheat on her once, and she knows how it feels. I have been getting really good at contrlling this compared to the start, but I still have moments. I am just coming to terms that she will never cheat on me or leave me, but I still worry. I dont want to risk losing her. Whenever I get like this, I feel like i can't offer her what she wants, and that she will take off on my becasue of this. I know it isnt true, but still. Could this be becasue of my past history with other people? Is there any tips out there on what to do? Any help will be gratfully appriciated.


Cartman

 
Old 09-15-2006, 05:08 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: "central", KY, USA
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thegardener HB User
Re: Can't Shanke These Trust Issues

You sound insecure, maybe this is what the bullys picked up on. Any clues as to why you would feel insecure? I'm sure it is parent based. Children learn to feel secure through the relationship with their parents.

 
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Old 09-15-2006, 09:42 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Can't Shanke These Trust Issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_Cartman
Could this be becasue of my past history with other people? Is there any tips out there on what to do? Any help will be gratfully appriciated.
Here's the best tip on what you should do: I'm sure you've heard the phrase "you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else." Well, that is VERY VERY TRUE. So, what you must learn to do is love yourself, accept who you are, have an inner respect and self-worth. Know that you are worthy of being loved and respected.

However, I think you're young, right? So, it is common when you're young to not yet have the realization of self love. You kind of have to discover "who you are" as a person. But, that's hard to explain. I think it just comes with time. What you can do is take steps to improve how you think about yourself. List all of your good qualities and all that you have to offer your girlfriend. Compliment other people, and you'll probably receive some in return.

I don't think your lack of self confidence and insecurities has to necessarily do with your parents. I believe my parents raised me very well, but they could not be there at school every day when I got picked on (which was a lot). My parents always felt bad about it when I came home from school crying and they'd try to comfort me, tell me the other kids were just jealous, things like that. But of course I still felt pain inside. Hey -- everyone is teased as a kid. Unfortunately, some more than others, but the teasing had nothing to do with you as a person. You need to try to move beyond that. Focus on your strengths. Work to improve your faults, but understand that no one is perfect.

You've now found someone who cares about you and who loves and respects you. Obviously there's a reason for that, so you must have a lot of good things to offer.

Also know that you might not alway be with your girlfriend. You're young so the chances of being together forever, statistically, just aren't that realistic. Enjoy and treasure the time you have together and the young love you have now. But, don't make it your life. You need to learn to find satisfaction in life beyond what you find in your relationship.

So, just know that your worrying about her cheating is something that is inside of you -- it has nothing to do with her. So don't accuse her of anything or act controlling, that could push her away. Accept that what happens will happen. Accept yourself and who you are. Know that you have a lot of good things to offer your girlfriend and also the next girl who comes along.

I hope that helps!

 
Old 09-15-2006, 09:47 AM   #4
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Can't Shanke These Trust Issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric_Cartman
Could this be becasue of my past history with other people? Is there any tips out there on what to do? Any help will be gratfully appriciated.
Here's the best tip on what you should do: I'm sure you've heard the phrase "you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else." Well, that is VERY VERY TRUE. So, what you must learn to do is love yourself, accept who you are, have an inner respect and self-worth. Know that you are worthy of being loved and respected.

However, I think you're young, right? So, it is common when you're young to not yet have the realization of self love. You kind of have to discover "who you are" as a person. But, that's hard to explain. I think it just comes with time. What you can do is take steps to improve how you think about yourself. List all of your good qualities and all that you have to offer your girlfriend. Compliment other people, and you'll probably receive some in return.

I don't think your lack of self confidence and insecurities has to necessarily do with your parents. I believe my parents raised me very well, but they could not be there at school every day when I got picked on (which was a lot). My parents always felt bad about it when I came home from school crying and they'd try to comfort me, tell me the other kids were just jealous, things like that. But of course I still felt pain inside. Hey -- everyone is teased as a kid. Unfortunately, some more than others, but the teasing had nothing to do with you as a person. You need to try to move beyond that. Focus on your strengths. Work to improve your faults, but understand that no one is perfect.

You've now found someone who cares about you and who loves and respects you. Obviously there's a reason for that, so you must have a lot of good things to offer.

Also know that you might not alway be with your girlfriend. You're young so the chances of being together forever, statistically, just aren't that realistic. Enjoy and treasure the time you have together and the young love you have now. But, don't make it your life. You need to learn to find satisfaction in life beyond what you find in your relationship.

So, just know that your worrying about her cheating is something that is inside of you -- it has nothing to do with her. So don't accuse her of anything or act controlling, that could push her away. Accept that what happens will happen. Accept yourself and who you are. Know that you have a lot of good things to offer your girlfriend and also the next girl who comes along.

I hope that helps!

 
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