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Old 09-15-2006, 05:52 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 581
Baby_hands HB User
Wow..so much on my mind

I really need some enlightenment on my current situation..

Okay, some of you may remember previous posts of me expressing an interest in a guy from church. I was trying to figure out whether he was interested in me or not, and I am pretty sure he is...(maybe not?). I cant be certain anyway. You can never be certain until someone says it plainly to you. With our beliefs, we both had stated that the man should intiate, so that is why I had not shared my feelings with him if you are wondering.

So anyway..

There is another guy in the church who I have known just as long. Though when I met him I shortly found out that he may be going back to Africa soon. I was attracted to him..but..I didnt give it a second thought because he was leaving.

Anyway, a few weeks ago he confessed he had feelings for me. At first he said he understood that nothing could happen because he is going back home, but he said he just couldnt hold it in any longer and that he wanted a chance to get to know me better before he left.

That seemed okay with me. So since then we had been hanging out more and then about a week ago, when I was giving him a lift home..he kissed me. I was so shocked and caught off guard I didnt know how to react. But then when I got out of the car to say goodbye, he did it again. This time, I kissed back. A long story short, we kissed for 5 hours. The chemistry and electricity was astonishing. I had never felt this way before. You know that feeling where...you can be standing next to someone and just feel chemistry between the two of you? It is like that.

We have had a few incidents since then of the same nature. Though we would talk alot as well..have good deep conversations and really open upto one another on many things. It was..something I have never experienced before. All the previous guys I have been with have never been this way with me. He is so loving and endearing with me...he makes me feel like a woman. Yes, like that "Natural Woman" song.

Well....I just got back from spending the night in my car with him (no we didnt have sex, we dont believe in sex before marriage) but we just kissed...talked..and then fell asleep in the car and woke up together.

So, he has known me for a couple of months now and he says he is in love with me and he has told some of his close friends that he is. He says he wants to wait until he can come back..and then be with me. With things like that..I dont hold onto those kind of promises. Nothing is guranteed, that I know.

So, whats the problem?

If after this guy has gone..and its been years...and things fizzle that way...and I am left with still a "shimmer" of possibility with the first guy I was interested in. Do you think this has ruined my chances? Both the guys being in the same church. If he found out what has happened...would it be ruined?

The thing is...he hasnt confessed his feelings for me and neither have I. As fas as I am concerned we are only friends, so it wasnt as if this all happened with me knowing full well he feels something for me.

The guy who kissed me knows I was "impressed" by this other guy. So it wasnt kept a secret from him either.

My fear is...it'll be known throughout the church..and ..well...this is getting long, but you see where I am heading.

Please...help me...
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Old 09-15-2006, 06:03 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 581
Baby_hands HB User
Wow..so much on my mind

I really need some enlightenment on my current situation..

Okay, some of you may remember previous posts of me expressing an interest in a guy from church. I was trying to figure out whether he was interested in me or not, and I am pretty sure he is...(maybe not?). I cant be certain anyway. You can never be certain until someone says it plainly to you. With our beliefs, we both had stated that the man should intiate, so that is why I had not shared my feelings with him if you are wondering.

So anyway..

There is another guy in the church who I have known just as long. Though when I met him I shortly found out that he may be going back to Africa soon. I was attracted to him..but..I didnt give it a second thought because he was leaving.

Anyway, a few weeks ago he confessed he had feelings for me. At first he said he understood that nothing could happen because he is going back home, but he said he just couldnt hold it in any longer and that he wanted a chance to get to know me better before he left.

That seemed okay with me. So since then we had been hanging out more and then about a week ago, when I was giving him a lift home..he kissed me. I was so shocked and caught off guard I didnt know how to react. But then when I got out of the car to say goodbye, he did it again. This time, I kissed back. A long story short, we kissed for 5 hours. The chemistry and electricity was astonishing. I had never felt this way before. You know that feeling where...you can be standing next to someone and just feel chemistry between the two of you? It is like that.

We have had a few incidents since then of the same nature. Though we would talk alot as well..have good deep conversations and really open upto one another on many things. It was..something I have never experienced before. All the previous guys I have been with have never been this way with me. He is so loving and endearing with me...he makes me feel like a woman. Yes, like that "Natural Woman" song.

Well....I just got back from spending the night in my car with him (no we didnt have sex, we dont believe in sex before marriage) but we just kissed...talked..and then fell asleep in the car and woke up together.

So, he has known me for a couple of months now and he says he is in love with me and he has told some of his close friends that he is. He says he wants to wait until he can come back..and then be with me. With things like that..I dont hold onto those kind of promises. Nothing is guranteed, that I know.

So, whats the problem?

If after this guy has gone..and its been years...and things fizzle that way...and I am left with still a "shimmer" of possibility with the first guy I was interested in. Do you think this has ruined my chances? Both the guys being in the same church. If he found out what has happened...would it be ruined?

The thing is...he hasnt confessed his feelings for me and neither have I. As fas as I am concerned we are only friends, so it wasnt as if this all happened with me knowing full well he feels something for me.

The guy who kissed me knows I was "impressed" by this other guy. So it wasnt kept a secret from him either.

My fear is...it'll be known throughout the church..and ..well...this is getting long, but you see where I am heading.

Please...help me...
__________________
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

 
Old 09-15-2006, 07:14 PM   #3
Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 182
Shorty39 HB User
Re: Wow..so much on my mind

Welcome to the board. You should get many replies here. We care alot about each other and will offer our advice. But understand we might not always say what you want to hear. But we're gonna be honest with you. We are just opinions.

First......How old are you?
How old are the two young men?
I understand one will be going back to Africa and what about the other?

Maybe after learning alittle more I might be able to offer some advice.

Be good to yourself
Patti

 
Old 09-15-2006, 09:04 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 581
Baby_hands HB User
Re: Wow..so much on my mind

Thanks Patti.

I am 19yrs old. The guy going back to Africa (the one who kissed me) is 19yrs old..though he will be turning 20 very soon. I turn 20 in december.

The other guy (the one staying here) is 20yrs old. He will be staying here in the country. I dont think he's going back to Africa either.
__________________
Great beauty and virtue rarely dwell together.

 
Old 09-16-2006, 05:18 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Posts: 176
minijumbofly HB User
Re: Wow..so much on my mind

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_hands
....A long story short, we kissed for 5 hours....
LOL. O...K... this is turning into some drama material for the soaps. Again, for the sake of identification, let's just name the original guy Adam and the 5 hour kisser Peter. So here is my 2 bits.

Tell Peter that you treasure his feelings but just stop at that as his return is an uncertainty. There is not enough anything here to justify the "wait" and watch the world goes past you. i.e. DON'T commit to nor wait for him.

As for Adam, just do what you normally do around him and let things develop naturally. It might or might not go beyond friendship so don't get your hopes up too much as well. i.e. DON'T expect love from him, at least, not the lovers type kinda love.

It really doesn't matter if Adam and Peter knows each other or how one would feel if the other finds out etc etc... Frankly, I think you're way ahead of yourself with either guy in the current situations.

You are at the stage where curiosity meets freedom of choice. It's like walking past the front gate at Disney World,
soooo many choices and soooo much to explore. So don't get bogged down by one attraction, check them all before you decide which one to go back to spend more time and effort on !!

Life is like a day at the amusement park, so.... enjoy the rides.

 
Old 09-16-2006, 01:22 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,420
GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Wow..so much on my mind

This is what happens when people don't communicate, and instead things just hang around in the air. It sounds like despite the fun you had with guy #2, you still have your heart set on guy #1.

But since you prefer to be totally submissive, that puts you in a pretty crappy spot, where all you can do is just hang around and hope that some fine day guy #1 comes up to you and expresses his love for you. How long are you going to wait for that? Indefinetly?

I don't see how anyone could blame you for getting to know guy #2 better. He actually expressed interest in you and got the ball rolling. I'm glad you had a good time together, but I hope he doesn't really expect you to wait years for him to get back. Hopefully you let him know how you feel about that.

If guy #1 were to find out about guy #2 and actually be upset about it, well that falls under the catagory of Too Darn Bad. You're young, life is short, and you can't dump all of your eggs in one basket.

I don't really know what to tell you though, because you don't want to take any action. You won't tell guy #1 how you feel, so that just leaves you in a position where all you can do is sit around and wait for things to come to you, instead of doing anything about it. Which leaves you at the total mercy of others, not a fun way to live.
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Old 09-16-2006, 05:15 PM   #7
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(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,503
KeltoKel HB User
Re: Wow..so much on my mind

Nicely said Gypsey. One thing I want to add for Baby - why are you stopping at these two guys? Let me tell you dear, you probably haven't even met your soul mate yet. Move on and date as much as you can. Guy #1 may never ask you out and that is his loss. Guy #2 may or may not come back into your life one day. There will be guy #3, #4, and #5 in the future. You may not find "the one" until you find guy #12 for all you know!

My advice - there are more than these two guys out there. Who cares what others think - you aren't dating anyone particular right now and are not tied to anyone.

 
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