Sounds stupid doesnt it? I have been with my girlfriend for two and half years and i have tried to break up with her a few times. I dont actaully say the words "i want to break up" and I dont follow through with what i was going to say! This is because im not 100% sure if i want to end it, and i know she really loves me. I think if i did it by phone rather than in person this may help? i hate the idea of that, but i dont want to see her upset.
There was a time where i did say i wanted to break up and that was the day i realised how much i ment to her.
Its not like we are fighting, i just want more from the relationship, i am 22, she is 20, but i feel the relationship is on her terms and its like we are 16. Im not getting the closeness i want, and i have worries about what my life would be like if i stayed with her.
I saw her yesterday, and i had a good time, but i still sit here unhappy when im not with her. I just dont know what to do. I think breaking up is the best thing for me, but its so hard to do! Advice or comments please!
You say that your unhappy when your not with her. Yet you know how much you mean to her.
What is it that you think you'll find somewhere else? SEX!! Well, if that's what your not getting from her; if thats the closeness that your not getting then don't you respect her for that??? Maybe she wants to wait til shes married instead of giving it up and the guy still feel like he's not getting enough closeness. I'm not trying to come down hard on you ; really I'm not. My tone is very gentle and I'm just probing to see if there are other issues that are underlying and need to come to the surface.
I think if you just don't want to be with her at all PERIOD then go ahead and carefully break it off and very gently. Don't take forever just do it and be compassionate when you do. She deserves to know whats on your mind.
If your not happy when your away from here while ya'll are dating then what makes you think you'll be happy when broken up?
Got anything else to add to the senerio? If so enlighten me a little more and maybe we can help you. Please be careful with your heart and hers. You both deserve to know where things stand. Take Care My Friend
Communication is the key here. You do care about her because you don't want to see her hurt and that's why you're having a hard time breaking it off. Do you love her? If you do, then talk to her, express how you are feeling about the relationship. Try to work it out and see if things change. If you don't love her, don't picture the rest of your life with her, wouldn't bother you if you saw her with another guy, then leave her and the sooner you do it the better it will be for her so she could move on and you too.
The reason i came to this board was to get an honest, unbiased oppinon from other people. So be harsh if thats what you need to be.
First let me start by saying that yes, sex is an issue, but that is not everything i mean when i say closeness. We are both still virgins, and for two and half years i have never pushed the issue of sex because i respect what she wants. The topic isnt even brought up coz she doesnt want it to be. My issue is that i am sexually frustrated, i get nothing at all, there is no intimacy. And im the one who shows 90% of the affection.
Something else i mean by lack of closeness is the time we spend together. I dont seem to want to be around me as much i do her. I want to spend all my time with her, but she wants to spend most her time with her family. She hardly comes around my place, and when we are at her place we spend the time with her parents. We only get alone time if her parents are busy, and she hasnt been invited to go out with them. She doesnt seem to want to be alone with me, because she never makes time to be alone with me. If she does its because i have asked.
I suggest going away for a bit, but no she wont do that. I do talk to her about how i feel, but it never changes! I dont feel like we are a couple. I will do anything with her, just so i can be with her. But she is not the same way with me. Thats hard.
As for why will i be happy when im broken up - are u suggusting that i stay with her because i cant be happy either way? I will be upset if i break up with her, but if i stay with her will it get better? maybe. But there is life after a relationship break up.
Anyway, there you go , a little bit more info, thanks for your comments!
Let me be blunt here so here are a few questions for you and could you tell us what you think, be honest.
1. Can you imagine yourself with her say 20 years down the line? If not then in my opinion, the relo doesn't have a future and there's no point continuing.
2. Why DO YOU want to break it off and does she know how you feel? If sex is the reason, and in many cases it is, then try to communicate with her and teach her. Show her forums and stuff to help with that area. If you both spoke about this before, and she is aware of it- then do you believe thing are going to improve?
3. Do you care about the sex and the time so much that you are willing to let this relo go?
In my opinion, and I think I am going through the same thing as you (2.5years relo, want to break it off- its not intimate enough and she doesn't seem to be interested in sex), is that if both of you are aware of the current situation and it really bothers you, then are you confident on whether things will improve or not? If you believe that she will change (not her personality or any major thing) then I personally think that you should hang on since not everyone is on the same level. Both parties need to try their best to be understanding and to make their partner happy. However, if you see no future prospect for improvement and you feel that the deserve better, then maybe try to move on.
I try to provide some constructive feedback and hope you don't mind my tone- just trying to help out here.
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Make ur tone how you need to!
1. I dont know if i can answer this question. Sometimes i can see myself with her in 20 years, but lately im struggling because i am worried about the time we spend together and the intimacy.
2. Sex isnt the only reason. The lack sexual activities makes it really frustrating. Her inability to talk about it makes it tough, she knows how i feel, but i dont know what she thinks. I know thats bad. I dont know if it will improve, part of me thinks her mum is the issue, in that she doesnt want to go against her mums wishes. They arnt religious in anyway. So i guess it could change, but i might be wrong, she just may not be into that sort of stuff - i dont know coz she wont talk. I think these are questions i am trying to answer honestly to myself.
3. Am i willing to let the relationship go because of the sex and time? Well to me the time is more important, and i think with the time, the sexual frustration would be cured (assuming she is into that stuff). I am willing to the relationship go if i dont get the time i want with her. Its important to be alone together.
My problem is now i have brought up the time issue with her (a couple of times now) i think that because she has been this way for so long, its what she wants, and she will go against what she wants to do so that im happy. She has told me this is an issue of mine, my negativity, but to me this is logic? She wants A, i want B. We are at A, if we go to B she will be unhappy.
I am so concerned about ending this realtionship. She is my first serious girlfriend, so i dont know whats out there. Will i find out that she was what i wanted? will i realise the positives far outweighted the negatives and i should have stayed with her? Maybe i will never be happy with what i have? Shes funny, gorgeous, caring and whats really important, i trust her so much. Should i just be happy with who she is and focus on the positives?
Sorry there is a bit of rambling going on in there. Just some of my thoughts. Maybe i think too much! Haha. Appreciate any further comments!