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Old 09-17-2006, 07:58 AM   #1
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~charlotte08~ HB User
Unhappy What have I done?

well, I have this amazing boyfriend that absolutely loves me with all his heart. He trusts me and does things for me that no guy has ever done. However, there are2 problems he doesn't know about. Well, the first problem is that he doesn't attract me sexually. I don't know why but when we are apart, I feel like I need him and love him and i feel like having sex with him but when we are alone, I don't want to do anything. I feel disgusted. I don't feel sexually atrracted to him AT ALL! The secong problem is because of this problem I cheated on him with a taken man and my ex. I feel horrible but I know that what's done is done and I can't reverse time. I made 2huge mistakes and I made those mistakes while I was tipsy. Temptation always seems to get the best of me. How do I tell him all of this? I know I should break up with him but I don't want to. What is wrong with me? Please try to understand me and don't judge me badly because it could happen to anybody.
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Old 09-17-2006, 05:05 PM   #2
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: What have I done?

well, I think "it could happen to anybody" is a stretch. I would argue that the majority of people wouldn't let temptation get the better of them and cheat on a significant other.

BUT, you did so what's done is done. Simple answer? Just break up with him. You don't want to be with him, just let go. Don't even waste your time or his feelings telling him that you cheated on him. Because, while honesty is the best policy in a relationship, you won't really be in a relationship anymore. To me, telling him that you cheated--multiple times--would do more harm than good. Just break up with him. Make sure you tell him it's completely over and there's no contact afterwards. Clean break. Done.

My other advice: don't get involved in another relationship until you can be more responsible about your drinking and your actions when you've been drinking. There are plenty of guys who will sleep with you when they're drunk and you're drunk. Stick to them for "temptation" purposes.

 
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Old 09-17-2006, 08:58 PM   #3
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Bracelet HB User
Re: What have I done?

Ditto to everything that Redsoxgirl said. All of it. Read it again, Charlotte, because regardless of any other advice you get on this post, she has hit the nail exactly on the head and that's all you need to know.

Now go do what you know needs to be done and stop drinking.

 
Old 09-17-2006, 10:08 PM   #4
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plasva HB User
Re: What have I done?

Before you break-up with him forever, I think you should ask him for a 2 week break (or however long you think you need)-- no communicating in any way. Think it all through away from him, including whether you love him, whether you want to try to save your relationship, what exactly you want DEEP DOWN, IN YOUR "HEART OF HEARTS?"
Figure that out, then commit yourself to whatever it is. No more lying. No more games. After this break, you will either break up (and if so, don't tell him you cheated, just that you are certain it's not the right relationship for either of you) or you will commit yourself completely to the relationship with him and will not put yourself in a situation where you could cheat again. Either way, you need to stop stringing him along.

By the way, were you EVER sexually attracted to him?

 
Old 09-17-2006, 11:58 PM   #5
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b-rad HB User
Re: What have I done?

Something that you'll want to remember in a relationship is that chemistry is -key- to a lasting relationship (or I think it is). If there's no chemistry there when you're together, it just won't last.

When you're away from him, you have this image in your mind about how perfect and great he is (which I'm sure he's a great guy from what you've said). But, there's obviously not that chemistry between the two of you when you're together, and that makes it a relationship that just isn't going to work out.

Sorry, and best of luck with your future endeavors.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 12:43 AM   #6
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user1020 HB User
Re: What have I done?

Do him a favor and break up with him, so he can start looking for a better match and someone that is attracted to him. Also if he doesnt know that you cheated on him, in my opinion I think its best to just not tell him.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 12:08 PM   #7
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thegardener HB User
Re: What have I done?

Have you ever heard of "fear of intimacy." You want to be in a relationship and you long for one but once one is staring you in the face you want to run. You run off to someone who is unavailable and ,therefore, no chance of being intimate.

 
Old 10-01-2006, 09:03 AM   #8
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rdh2006 HB User
Re: What have I done?

If you are not sexually attracted to him then break up with him. Dont fool yourself. Take it from me.It WONT change. No matter how nice he is to you.

 
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