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Old 09-17-2006, 07:17 AM   #1
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shorti HB User
Unhappy In need of some advice

Hey everyone,
I just need some quick advice. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now but have been friends with him for about a year before we started dating. Anyway last Friday, I went to meet him at his work and then we were to head off to the movies. Anyway, he had a bite to eat at his work for dinner and I was chatting to one of his work mates as he was eating. Then all of a sudden he goes, can u please take my plate to the kitchen. I said in a minute as I'm in the middle of a conversation. He then said I was lazy and that I should offer to take his plate out and do nice things for him. He then went on to say, after all I heated you up some soup for you. I think him insulting me at his work in front of people I dont really know is pretty low. After all, I'm not in an enviroment I'm comfortable with if you know what I mean. I was in the middle of a conversation and I'm not thinking about people's plates. Of course I got upset by his accusations and it ruined our night. A week and a bit has gone by and I haven't heard from him. I messaged him Tuesday and I haven't gotten a reply. Does anyone think I should call him. I think writing an email is a cowards way of trying to communicate in these situations. All relationships as well as friendships have their dissagreements and I think it's healthy but I don't think ignoring people is the way to go. Am I over reacting? Some guys have told me that men get big egos when women try to contact them but get frustrated when they don't. I really don't want to play games. I'm just trying to figure out an adult way of sorting this out. I just got upset because he said I'm lazy when I'm not. I've done heaps of nice things for him as he has also done for me. You don't do things for people because you have to but because you care for them and I just think some guys tend to think women are their maids. He's 27 and still lives at home and has all his washing and meals done for him, so he probably expects me to do the same. Plus I don't like blackmail, like what he said I heated up soup for you so you should take my plate out. Anway, I have gone on for too long. Just let me know if you think I should call him, or email him or wait for him to contact me. Thanks guys! xx

 
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Old 09-17-2006, 12:10 PM   #2
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always down HB User
Re: In need of some advice

why did he want you to take his plate to the kitchen if you were eating at his workplace? If I were you I would tell him how badly you are hurting and how you need to know where the releationship is going.

 
Old 09-17-2006, 02:04 PM   #3
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adriennerose HB User
Re: In need of some advice

i'd tell him where to stick his plate and move on...

 
Old 09-17-2006, 02:26 PM   #4
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passingmeby HB User
Re: In need of some advice

Don't call him, I know this won't be easy but wait for him to call you by doing this you let him know with action that you did not appreciate the way he treated you in front of his co-worker/friend. If weeks pass by and he doesn't call you, don't call him, just move on.

Take care

 
Old 09-17-2006, 08:41 PM   #5
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Musical_Muse HB User
Re: In need of some advice

Hi, Shorti.

If it had been me, I probably would have said "Can't you see that I'm talking with someone right now? I think you're capable of taking your own plate to the kitchen, anyway." But that's just me...

I have a couple of questions: How did you act the rest of the evening?
Were you talking with another guy or a woman? In the male world, this can make a difference, as I have noticed. As someone else suggested, perhaps he was trying to assert his dominance over you, if you were indeed talking with another man, so he tried to get you to do his bidding for him, so to speak.

~Colleen
__________________
"The only emotions that are deadly are the ones that are unexpressed."--Iyanla Vanzant

Last edited by Musical_Muse; 09-17-2006 at 08:46 PM.

 
Old 09-17-2006, 09:16 PM   #6
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Re: In need of some advice

Hi Shorti,

Coming from a married woman who's been married to my wonderful husband for over 10 years, I would have to say you should have just walked away. You shouldn't even dignify this man with a phone call or your presence.

My husband came from a well-to-do family who had three housekeepers, a driver and other domestic help. He tried that on me once and I left him. I didn't care. I refuse to allow him to make me seem or feel inferior. You have been offended by this man and why should you be the one to apologize? When I left my then boyfriend, he was shocked because no other girls at that time has ever done that to him. They either broke down and did what he'd demanded them to do, or cried. I did neither. I think women should start standing up for themselves and have a little self-respect. A friend of mine taught me that. That boyfriend (now my husband) still respects me immensely and instead of demanding something from me, he asks.

That's my experience. I hope I have helped.
Good luck.

Last edited by Isadoreme; 09-17-2006 at 09:17 PM.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 02:22 AM   #7
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shorti HB User
Re: In need of some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Musical_Muse
Hi, Shorti.

If it had been me, I probably would have said "Can't you see that I'm talking with someone right now? I think you're capable of taking your own plate to the kitchen, anyway." But that's just me...

I have a couple of questions: How did you act the rest of the evening?
Were you talking with another guy or a woman? In the male world, this can make a difference, as I have noticed. As someone else suggested, perhaps he was trying to assert his dominance over you, if you were indeed talking with another man, so he tried to get you to do his bidding for him, so to speak.

~Colleen
For the rest of the evening we barely spoke. I didn't initiate much conversation and didn't make much eye contact but when I did look at him he didn't have a happy face. We went to the movies like planned and I didn't lean towards him like I usually do and he asked me why I was being distant and that I'm never distant towards him. Then he said in a frustrated tone that he wont take me out anymore. I'm not sure if he was being serious when he said that or because he was upset that we had a disagreement.
The other person I was talking to was a female.

Anyway, thanks so much for your advice everyone. I really appreciate it. My best friend reckons I should call him because friends should be able to talk and if he chooses not to speak to me, then to leave it. I don't think I'll call him at all. I play indoor soccer once a week and one of his good friends is a referee there so I'll see how he reacts towards me.
Once again, thanks guys

 
Old 09-25-2006, 04:07 AM   #8
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shorti HB User
Re: In need of some advice

Well anyway, I ended up calling him last night. Not sure if it was a good idea or not, but we didn't even talk about the plate incident. We spoke for 10 minutes and just talked about how we were and what we have been up to recently. He then said that we should catch up sometime soon. The reason why I called was because I read in a magazine that dissagreements rarely end a relationship but silence can. Anyway, I'm probably weak. I guess him suggesting to catch up soon is a good sign in a way, but I'll let him make the next phone call.

 
Old 09-25-2006, 07:42 PM   #9
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beaka_sue HB User
Re: In need of some advice

DONT CALL HIM

If he cares about you at all he will call you. If and when he does you need to set him down and explain why you are upset and tell him that you dont like being treated that way and that he needs to work on it. If he doesn't then get RID of him!!!

 
Old 09-26-2006, 03:41 AM   #10
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shorti HB User
Re: In need of some advice

But how long does it usually take for a guy to call you after an argument. I've known the guy for a year and a half and he even invited me along to a holiday interstate last easter. I just don't understand if he never calls back. I was interested in another guy a year ago before I officially started dating this one and he even cried saying he cared and why I wouldn't call him back then. I honestly don't understand guys lol.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 05:34 PM   #11
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brook65 HB User
Re: In need of some advice

Shorti

Why on earth do you care, whether he has called or not?

When he ordered you to take his plate, you should of made your excuses and left him, with his plate there and then, and humiliated him!

He is obviously a spolit mummys boy, why do you think he still lives at home at 27? He has no respect for women, and that is how he would always treat you, that is all he knows.

I would say, run a mile.

 
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