I'm a 40 yr. old woman, met this really sweet guy (41) this summer through our mutual softball leagues but didn't act on anything because I was supposed to move out of state. Recently, I made the decision to stay (nothing to do with him). When I told him this (only 2 weeks ago), he was very happy, hugged me and told me he was happy I was staying and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Previous to that, we had gone to a party of a mutual friend and it appeared there was a mutual attraction at that time.
The night that I told him I was staying, a few friends went to a bar and afterwards he walked me to my truck. Keep in mind he only had a few beers and I had had none. He kissed me and there was definitely some passion but that's all that happened. The next morning we met for breakfast before I went off to my softball tournament and it was really nice.
He came to watch my team play in some playoff games the following Monday night and then he called me on Thursday during lunch to find out if I was free on the weekend (this past weekend) and that maybe we could go out to dinner or some drinks. I told him jokingly that since I was supposed to be in another state at this time, that I was pretty much free and that I would really like to get together. So he said he'd have to check his work schedule (I know this for a fact - he works two jobs - which is impressive - and his second job causes him to work some nights including weekends).
From that I assumed he would call to let me know whether or not it was a go. It is now Tuesday and I have not heard anything. I even called him on Saturday and his brother-in-law said he was sleeping because he had worked all day.
Am I making more out of this than I should? He is known as the nicest, most kind-hearted man and funny, I'm thought of the same way so I thought it would be a great start. Now I just have a feeling something changed but we haven't had that much interraction to begin with so I'm left very very confused. Did he blow me off and if so, why?
One of my friends said maybe he got scared because things were going so well so quickly and that actually happened to me once before - that I'm so "nice" and the guy said our date was so perfect that he got scared off and didn't call me for over a year to apologize.
If that's it, is it worth being nice?? I'm so confused. I really like this man.
I honestly think you might be jumping the gun a bit. From what you've said, he seems to really be into you and has been very attentive so far. We are about the same age and I have to tell you, dating really confuses the hell out of me. If I were you, I would not be freaking out yet. He probably is tired and I really think you will get that call. Take a step back and give him a little time.
P.S. I'm not a guy but I thought I'd throw my two cents in anyway.
Last edited by reddoorblack; 09-19-2006 at 12:27 PM.
I agree with the other advice, just wait and see what happens. It sounds to me that he really does like you and the odds are good that this one time it just slipped his mind about calling you. There's no guarantee even that he knows you called earlier and talked to his brother, as people and especially male roommates can be flaky about passing along messages. So my advice is not to make a big deal of this, but I also wouldn't call again for awhile. If for some reason he is pulling back, the worst thing you can do is reveal insecurity by calling him repeatedly. If he likes you, you'll hear from him again soon enough, and remember not to place too much emphasis on any one thing he does. Early on in relationships it's easy to do this, but the way to tell how someone feels is to look at the pattern of their behavior and not worry too much about any individual action. And remember too that if it was a girlfriend and you weren't concerned with whether or not she was romantically interested, you probably wouldn't be worried about one instance of her being a bit flaky, so you shouldn't feel differently about a guy doing it. However, if he doesn't get back to his old habits of showing regular interest in you soon, then you will at least know that he's not worth your time early on. I hope it all works out well--please keep us posted and good luck.
Thank you all for taking the time to share your advice. It has made me feel better - and I guess I do tend to put much weight on one action whereas I should be looking at the big picture.
I am not blinded by my own interest in him - he really is one of those rare gems who is just an easy going, laid back kind of person and is ALWAYS smiling and laughing. I guess I noticed him alot more than I realized, even before I became interested.
I do feel bad for men in general. It has to be really confusing on their end trying to figure us out. It's certainly admirable if a guy wants to present his best self but at the same time there are women out there who don't want all the fluff and are just plain interested in the man himself. If that's the case with this guy, I hope he comes to realize that I'm just interested in him and the person that he's shown to be.
Thank you for your well wishes and I hope I have some good news to post soon!!