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Old 09-19-2006, 11:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Stillsearching HB User
Isadoreme's single friend

Hello,

My friend who comes in here as Isadoreme suggested that I come in here to get some people's advice and input about me and my relationships.

For starters, I'm a young 37 years old woman. I've been told that I'm pretty. Some have said that I resemble Scarlett Johanson, well, I don't see it in the mirror, but I do feel pretty most of the time.

I am educated with my own money, meaning I don't need a man in my life to help me financially. I have my own home and have a good position in a large corporation. I have most of my life together except for love.

I don't know if you would call it bad luck or just bad judgement, but I've been unlucky in love most of my adult life.

The first love of my life was in college. I thought he was in love with me until four years later, he'd cheated on me, which I have painfully ended.

Several years and several men later, I've dated all sorts of men from all walks of life. From a rich man to a man who wants to be supported. From a man who loves to drink to a man who loves Jesus. From a man who has a Phd to a man who can't even spell university. I've even dated a man who told me him and his wife were divorced which turned out to be a lie and when I have broken up with him, he ran after me and had left his family. As if that would make me want to go back to him.

All I want is a man who would accept me for who I am. A man who doesn't need me, but want me. A single man, preferrably w/o children, but if he has children, well, we'll cross that bridge together once I feel he'll be committed to me. I want a man who believes in the same God as I do, but not fanatic about it. I want a man who is employed, not necessarily make the same or more amount as I do. I want a man who is courteous, not just to me, but to everybody that he meets. A man who has his own opinion and not necessarily conform to mine and not afraid to voice it. A man who could stand up to me, but also compromising. A man who would still open my door and a man who is not afraid to show his affection to me. A man who will be loyal and faithful. A man who's unafraid to make a fool of himself as well as laugh at himself. Who's a family man and hygenic. One of my peet-peeves, cleanliness. A man who cares about himself meaning he takes care of himself physically. A man who is unafraid of intimacy, who makes me laugh and laughs with me. A man who shares similar goals and dreams and who won't give up on us. A man who would adore me as much as I adore him.

This is pretty much in a nutshell, being so late at night here.

Is this too much to ask from a man? Are my standards too high? I'm not asking for a George Clooney looking man to have Bill Gates's money. Has men evolve into a lazy, uneducated, untidy, uncaring, unkind, beer drinkin' and not counting the beer-gut, screaming at the tv type of people? It's slim pickin's out here and most men think that women like me should be happy that he's breathing and that he's showing interest in me. Wow! I guess some women may, but I do want a man who has some self-respect before I can respect him.

Your advices would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Last edited by Stillsearching; 09-19-2006 at 11:34 PM.

 
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Old 09-20-2006, 05:53 AM   #2
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whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

Good golly!! I'm the male version of you!!! No kidding. You have the right to have the standards you wish. Unfortunately, you won't find the right guy unless you move out of your standard daily pattern of life. I'm still working up to doing that since I'm due for one more back sugery.

Good luck to you.

wb

 
Old 09-20-2006, 02:40 PM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 265
BetsyJean HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

Being compatible is more about common values, morals, ethics, etc. rather than a laundry list that you check off and expect to have no lines left unchecked.

In real life people fall somewhere between your list of required attributes and the "beer swilling" fella you also describe...

I'm sure your standards are high, and I'm not suggesting you lower them or "settle"... just wanted to tell you that my aunt was a strong, financially independent person with extremely high standards, and she never did find anyone who could "measure up".

Make sure that you have personal interests that are yours and yours alone, friends, family - just in case.

 
Old 09-20-2006, 08:00 PM   #4
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Re: Isadoreme's single friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by whackedback
Good golly!! I'm the male version of you!!! No kidding. You have the right to have the standards you wish. Unfortunately, you won't find the right guy unless you move out of your standard daily pattern of life. I'm still working up to doing that since I'm due for one more back sugery.

Good luck to you.

wb
Same to you.

 
Old 09-20-2006, 08:08 PM   #5
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Posts: 61
Stillsearching HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetsyJean
Being compatible is more about common values, morals, ethics, etc. rather than a laundry list that you check off and expect to have no lines left unchecked.

In real life people fall somewhere between your list of required attributes and the "beer swilling" fella you also describe...

I'm sure your standards are high, and I'm not suggesting you lower them or "settle"... just wanted to tell you that my aunt was a strong, financially independent person with extremely high standards, and she never did find anyone who could "measure up".

Make sure that you have personal interests that are yours and yours alone, friends, family - just in case.
I agree w/ you Betsey Jean, but the items I'd listed above are just a few of the things I'm looking for.

I was compatible with this one guy. We got along great, I was attracted to him and him to me. But there was this one thing I just can't seem to let it go. As I got to know him, I discovered that he has a checkered past. He was in jail for 5 years. What he'd done was something I just couldn't ignore. So, how would one person ignore such a big thing? He'd told me he'd changed and as much as I want to believe that, some things were coming up in his personality that made me worry. So I broke it off.

Having this standard is an asset and liability. I have a friend who's been married for 15 years to the same man. They have 3 children and the two of them can't stand each other. My friend had mentioned several times that when their children are grown, she's going to divorce her husband. Another friend of mine just recently married husband # 3, and we're only in our mid-30s! Another friend of mine gets beaten by her husband at a weekly basis, she's so beaten down, she can't leave. A part of me wants a good relationship, but another part of me is deathly afraid of getting into something like marriage that'd be hard to get out of.

This is so scary and frustrating at the same time.

Thanks for your advice Betsey Jean.

 
Old 09-21-2006, 10:49 AM   #6
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

I was 35 when I walked down the aisle for the first time.

I'd like to say I had a "list", but I honestly didn't. I went by instinct and a trust that the fates would lead me in the right direction. I was engaged twice, in an abusive relationship once, watched my friends marry & divorce and marry again (& divorce again...)

Finally, when I'd found my last boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs playing around behind my back, well that was it.
I honestly gave up. Not in a sacrificing way. Very realistically actually.
I had a good job and could pay my bills, I had a great family and a several very special friends.

Six months later I figured it was time to get a cat so that I'd have a companion to talk to when I came home from work.

Two weeks after that I had plans with a girl from work. She backed out on me & there I was home on a Sunday to get a phone call from a guy friend I'd known for 5 yrs. He and a friend were coming my way to go to dinner and did I want to go.

I sat across from his friend and I tell you 'stillsearching' that I KNEW. It was like coming home after being away for years. It was feeling so simpatico that we were fast friends on our way to a relationship after an hour.
NOT fireworks to be honest. More of a quiet "knowing" that this was the Right Guy.

I'm giving you this whole story because I want you to understand that prior to sitting across from Mr. Ruth in that restaurant you could NEVER have told me that he was "out there"....

It doesn't matter that I worried and fretted about being the Only Single One for years. He was going to come along when the time was right.

(We were married after 10 months and have been married 17 yrs.)

It'll happen when it happens!
Honest!
Ruth

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 09-21-2006 at 10:51 AM.

 
Old 09-21-2006, 09:38 PM   #7
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Stillsearching HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

Oh Ruth, thank you for that wonderful story and giving this "ole gal" some hope.

I hear people tell me that they knew when they met each other and that I'd feel the same way. Right now,I'm at the point where, I'm tired of searching and looking and I've accepted my life the way it is and I'm actually starting to feel comfortable and happy with my life - meaning not having a man in it. I too have a kitty And she does keep me company and wakes me up at night sometimes. I'm not so concerned about "finding Mr. Right" unless my friends bring up the subject or my family. Or when someone tries to set me up with some nice guy they know. But what I find ironic is why do we have to find someone? Society has programmed up to find someone or we won't be happy. I think that's where some of my frustration comes from too.

But the way you met Mr. Ruth is great. Thank you for sharing it.

 
Old 09-22-2006, 06:55 AM   #8
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whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: Isadoreme's single friend

I've always heard that when you stop looking, that's when you find somebody.

wb

 
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