My bf and I have been on and off for about 2 yrs. This past January, I not only found out he was cheating, but actually caught him in bed with the girl...We broke up for 3 months, but me being the nice person I am, stayed in contact with him and helped him out through some throubles he was going through... We did end up trying again in April. Actually, I was the only one trying, cuz in May I found out he was cheating, yet again..Now this time, when we got back together in April, he had told me he wasnt ready for a relationship, and I did sort of forced him into it, giving him ultimatums...We broke up again for 3 months, but this time, I cut off ALL connection with him. Didnt talk to him AT ALL. So, in August he calls me, and asks to see me...When we see each other, he breaks down and says he doesn't want to be the way he was, that he sees how much I loved him and how bad he was treating me, that he doesn't want to be that way, basically...He told me he was willing to do ANYTHING to show me he was changed...I told him I needed time to think.. About a week later, we saw each other again and now we're back together. I actually had to move into his house b/c of break in's at my house ( I had to move out) and he instantly asked me to move with him..Everything is going great!! Honestly, I couldn't be happier...Now, the problem:
In January, after all that happened, I was sooo hurt by everything he'd done to me. I actually started talking to someone from his town..They know each other, but are definitely not friends. They'll say whats up to each other if they cross paths. Anyways, me and this guy got pretty close, and I ended up sleeping with him.... Now I feel horrible, b/c I feel as though Im obligated to tell him I slept with this guy. And he'll definitely leave me if he were to find out. He always told me that no matter what, to please not try and get with some one from his town, its a small town. Right now, we're doing sooo good. I DONT want to ruin it... And if ur thinking "I need to tell him b/c you never know if he had an STD"...I used protection, and I get checked alot (Im a lil anal with that and get checked a lil too much) I last got checked bout 3 weeks ago, and everythings good. I feel as though Im hiding some deep dark secret. I mean, we were broken up and everything, and he's been untruthful to me, but I dont want to do that to him. Should I tell him? He's going to flip out, I know it...What should I do??? Please HELP!!!!
Thnx so much for responding!!! I needed to hear that from someone, I really did...Im with him, b/c.... Like I said before, he had told me he wasn't ready for a relationship... I was foolish and gave him an ultimatum..I told him "if your not ready now, ur never gonna be ready for me...Your gonna lose me for sure if your not ready now"...That was a HUGE mistake I did. If a guy says he's not ready, HES NOT READY!!!! I learned the hard way.. He told me, that he didn't want to lose me, so he decided to say that, yea, he'd try things with me, but that deep down he honestly wasn't ready...This last time he came to me, HE told me that he wanted a relationship. He showed me this song called "steady as she goes" and pointed out the first few lines and said, thats how i feel ( the song basically talks about a guy who did his thing, but is ready to settle down with one girl, and that he's found her) Right now things are going good. Great,actually. And I honestly believe that people can change, and I honestly believe he has...Am I completely stupid??
I'd definitely agree, there's no reason that you are obligated to tell him anything. You were broken up due to HIS wrong-doing - you didn't do anything wrong! What you did while you were alone is really none of his business, anything he asked of YOU while you two were an item is null and void then a breakup happens - especially the way it happened.
If you're happy, and really feel you can forgive and forget his dishonest mistake, then good for you. Stupid? No way. More trusting than I'd ever be but that's not necessarily a bad thing, if you are genuinely satisfied and happy with how things are going.
If he finds out at some point, for any reason, don't feel the need to defend yourself, either. He has NO reason to be upset with you for doing your own thing after he messed up. *shrug*