Hereís my situation, Iíll try to keep it short. I recently got in contact with someone I met briefly in college. We were more like class-mates back then, knew each other existed, usual friendly hello, etc. Iím now 25, Mike is 27, we had no contact for over 5 yrs. He got my email from a friend over a month ago. He initiated the first contact via email and weíve hung out quite a few times the past month. He usually initiates the meetings. When we first hung out, we would just talk about our lives the past few years, catch up, that sort of thing. Just trying to catch up as long lost friends or something. Those talks later transpired into conversations at a more personal/deeper level. I started thinking, ďwhere is this all going?Ē My other friends were saying that I seemed to be spending a lot of time with him. The deeper conversations involved where do we see ourselves in a few years, our goals, our ideal future wife/husband, family life, etc. I asked him what is intention was with where our ďhanging outĒ was heading. I felt like we both needed to know so we are both on the same page. Turns out we both agreed that at this point weíre still getting to know one another, after all weíve both transcended from college students to mature adults and we are different people now. We both had no intention to expect something out of the friendship and agreed letís just see what happens. We also agreed that the best relationships come from friendships and by starting as just friends, thereís no pressure. Overall the evening was great, we had a great time.
One weekend, he called me and we talked for almost 2 hours straight! He said he liked spending time with me and wants to hang out more to get to know me better. Later that week he emailed and said hey letís go do something. I was away on business so he actually drove an hour to meet with me. That evening, we talked more. Not sure how we got on this subject but pretty much we discussed how I didnít believe in pre-marital sex and how strongly I felt with that subject. He said he didnít really agree with that, but that he did respect me for that. He believes sex is an important part of a relationship even before marriage. He said he didnít have to have it, but it was important. It was actually a really nice, serious conversation where we opened up to each other. We ended up hugging and cuddled a bit. He gave me a few sweet, soft kisses when we parted ways. On our drive home he called and we talked a bit. Heís a thinker so heís telling me that if something ever becomes of our relationship, the one thing I need to consider is if I will be ready for the possible frustrations that we will both deal with in regards to sex. He said there will be a time where heíll be frustrated with me and I may be frustrated with myself because of wanting to be faithful to my belief, and at the same time, face the conflict of wanting to do what makes him happy. Letís all admit here that in relationships, we all strive to do things that make our significant other happy. And at times do have to compromise a little. A very good point this was.
This past week, we hung out again of course we discuss serious things. He told me he was attracted to me, really enjoy our time together, etc. I told him I know we are friends now, but I had to ask if he was seeing anyone right now and that if he was, I want nothing to do with it as I donít want to get involved with anyone whoís playing the field. He said heís not dating anyone. The thing is, I believe him when he tells me this, I REALLY do. The evening ended with us kinda makin out, lol! We didnít go all the way and when I didnít want to go any further, I would ask him to stop and he did. If his hands went where I didnít want them to go, Iíd motion for him to stop and he would. He took my lead the whole night and was not throwing himself on me at all. I asked him if the relationship progresses further, would he be patient with me in regards to sex, as in wait till Iím ready. He said yes he would, that it is not his nature to force someone to do something they donít want to do. I know what you guys are thinkingÖ. ďif he likes/loves you that much, he would be 100% ok with waiting till marriage with you .Ē Truthfully, we all know that even if he waits, no doubt he will get frustrated at one point in time, he is a guy afterall. Iím always very careful with relationships that I get into and if I felt in any way that he was using me to try to get what he wants, I would know it and I would drop him so fast, I donít tolerate guys like that. With Mike, I donít feel this at all. He helps me think about the situation at another level and kinda brings light to some things I have not really considered, not because Iím stupid, but because I am/was so stuck with my beliefs. He has his reasons and like me, heís allowed to have his beliefs. So I will respect that.
The thing is that I donít normally act this way with a guy when I donít know where the relationship is heading. After our make-out session the other night, Iíve told him that I donít want things between us to be physical all the time, that spending time with him talking is fine, heís ok with that and understands. No doubt in my mind though that it will get physical again because we ARE attracted to each other. Whatís most important to me is that we have great chemistry, so I donít want you guys to think its all about looks. Mike and I are not like that at all. In fact I donít think Iím attractive so sometimes I wonder what he sees in me, but I think my low self-esteem might be a contributing factor to that belief, lol. I also feel very safe with him. We are still at the ďfriendsĒ stage and not sure where things are heading. Iíve decided that rather than push him into saying ďhey we are officially dating and you are it, thereís no one else,Ē Iím just gonna go with whatís happening. Iíve dated but never in a really serious relationship before. I donít know if Iíll really end up holding onto my beliefs until marriage, but one thing I can say for sure is that I donít believe in casual sex/one night stands so that I would NEVER do. Also, if this thing with Mike progresses, and I do decide to give up my virginity before marriage, he and I would definitely have to be in an exclusive, committed relationship and it would be months before we move to that level.
Sorry so long, but I felt if I left out certain details, it would be difficult to judge his character. So, I just wanted to get everyoneís feel for my situationÖ. Should I continue to go with the flow? Does he seem like a decent guy to you, or is there something I'm missing about him? Am I doing the right thing, or moving too fast, etc? I really hope someone will take the time to help me out here. Any advice would be appreciated.