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Old 09-25-2006, 09:09 PM   #1
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ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

This is immature, I know, but just curious on some feedback. During one of our "breaks," my bf hooked up with a girl. Okay, I got that. I can get over that. But what I am struggling with is just how UGLY she is! I know that sounds horrible, and what I mean isn't that she is UGLY all together, just that she epitomizes what *I* happen to find unattractive. I am sure her personality was all chip and giggles, but dang, she looks so different from me.

The problem is that it causes me to wonder, "wow, how ugly am I?" and doubt my self. Yet, it also makes me think that maybe he is desperate, has low self esteem, and likes me because he thinks he can't get any better. It also makes me think he isn't good enough for me. "If he'd tap that, OMG, he is definitely not good enough for me."

Is this odd? It really makes me want to turn my back and run. It hurts that he was with someone else of course, but that is normal. And i got over it. But that he was with someone I find so incredibly unattractive is freaking me out. I mean, if she was a knock-out, I could understand. He told me that he found her attractive, which i know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but her and i look soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo completely opposite I wonder how can he possibly also find me to be oh so beautiful? It makes me think he is too lame to appreciate my beauty.

What do you think? Please don't chastize me but rather help get over this!

 
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Old 09-26-2006, 05:18 AM   #2
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

I have heard the statement " Its not what the woman looks like, its the way she makes him feel." Your standards of beauty are different. Don't doubt your looks because of this. The other girl was just something different.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 07:34 AM   #3
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Quote:
Originally Posted by stalkerswife717
I have heard the statement " Its not what the woman looks like, its the way she makes him feel." Your standards of beauty are different. Don't doubt your looks because of this. The other girl was just something different.

Beautifully put. Sometimes it has nothing to do with looks - Just that it was different. Besides, people's views of what is attractive varies so much. A male friend of mine thinks Lindsay Lohan is absoultely gorgeous and she personally makes me gag. And I am sure that someone I think is attractive someone else would not.
Before I was married I dated a guy for a long time and we split for a few months. He did the same thing your guy did - went out with someone else and she looked NOTHING even close to what I look like. But it wasn't about the looks - It was about different, something new etc.
Don't spend alot of time on this - it will drive you crazy. Just call it even and move on.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 11:06 AM   #4
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Personally, I think it's a better problem to have your bf sleep with someone you consider ugly while broken up as opposed to someone you feel inferior too lol.

Think about it, if he HAD gone out and slept with a woman way up on the attractive scale, wouldn't you feel even more insecure about this whole thing?

It was a rebound, obvoiusly he was desperate to just feel 'better', regardless of how that happened!

 
Old 09-26-2006, 12:39 PM   #5
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

LOL! I had a very similar experience with my ex! We were always breaking up and getting back together, and at one point he got back with his ex-girlfriend for awhile. Of course that made me want to gag. Then I met her one afternoon...and was dumbstruck. I had the same feelings you did...what? how? huh? She had the body of a ten year old boy, really she couldn't have been more than sixty-five pounds. I thought I was on candid camera. Of course, after getting to know my ex better I realized why they were a good match for each other. Not going to say anything rude, but yeah. It all becomes clear in the end.

You admitted she was what YOU find unattractive - but everyone has a different idea of what attractive is. Here is a general rule about guys - if it's female and flashing a bit of skin, they'll be attracted. And sometimes you can find yourself clicking with people you never expected. Plus, variety is a good thing. And maybe since you were on a break, he felt a little hostile toward you and didn't want to be with a girl who would remind him of you in any way??

I know when the first boyfriend I had that I liked broke up with me, I rebounded in less time than it takes to blink. My MO was that the first guy who showed the smallest bit of interest, I would hook up with, and I did. Ah, to be nineteen again.
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:17 PM   #6
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Quote:
Originally Posted by HelpHelpHelp
What do you think? Please don't chastize me but rather help get over this!
I think the fact that you're dwelling on this other woman's looks is a sign that you're not entirely over the fact that your boyfriend was with someone else. I think you have lost some respect for your boyfriend, and not because of his choice necessarily -- as I think any girl he would have chosen you'd find fault with -- but with his actions. And the fact is, sounds like you lost respect for him and that is even causing you to doubt yourself and your own respect for yourself and your own attractiveness. Not good. Are you sure you can move beyond what he did? It may just take time to get over it.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 01:21 PM   #7
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Oops -- repeat post.

Last edited by minnesotagirl; 09-26-2006 at 01:22 PM.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 08:03 PM   #8
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

who are we to judge who's beautiful to someone else?

 
Old 09-26-2006, 08:57 PM   #9
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
I think the fact that you're dwelling on this other woman's looks is a sign that you're not entirely over the fact that your boyfriend was with someone else. I think you have lost some respect for your boyfriend, and not because of his choice necessarily -- as I think any girl he would have chosen you'd find fault with -- but with his actions. And the fact is, sounds like you lost respect for him and that is even causing you to doubt yourself and your own respect for yourself and your own attractiveness. Not good. Are you sure you can move beyond what he did? It may just take time to get over it.
That is exactly what I was going to say, too! I think it wouldn't have mattered less if the girl he "hooked up" with during the break was a B movie star. You are resentful that he did it, and I can't blame you for it. As soon as you two break up he runs to do someone else (was that the case?). If so, I can't really blame you for losing respect for the dude. I think that's the REAL issue here. Why would he even tell you about it is beyond me. I mean, what good can come of that, except you having disgusting images in your mind now? Maybe he felt guilty or just wanted to show you how desireable he is, which would be even more lame. You have to look inside yourself and figure out if you can even stomach the idea of dating this guy any longer. And be honest with yourself.

 
Old 09-26-2006, 10:05 PM   #10
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

well i did the same thing, but not because I found the guy to be attractive. I had low self esteem and this dude blinded me with flattery. I thought he was funny and he made me feel good about myself at a time when i was drowning in sorrow and misery and loss...I wasn't legitamately attracted to him. I also felt bad for him (i know, this is horrible, i have issues) because he was really lonely. Actually, when my "mistake" and I started getting more towards sexual, I couldn't stomach how turned off I was by him!!! I wanted to go running back to my real man, but by then, I'd really screwed things up!

Last edited by HelpHelpHelp; 09-26-2006 at 10:07 PM.

 
Old 09-27-2006, 08:19 AM   #11
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

If you were broken up at the time then he really didn't have to share anything about her with you. And who he finds attractive is his business. I am sure you aren't every guy's taste either. Nobody is or can be right for everyone.

It bothers me when people judge other's self worth by what they look like. Each person brings their own unique set of attributes to the table, looks, personality, intelligence, etc. Maybe she had something he was looking for. And I believe another poster when they said it is not how a person looks but how they make you feel. You could have the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world but who is an *** and treats you like dirt or you could have an average looking man who is a good provider, great boyfriend and great personality - who would you want to be with?

Another interesting thing is I once watched 20/20 or Dateline - something like that and they showed men a bunch of women and asked them to rate them from 1-10 - the ones that got the highest marks were those with the nicest bodies - regardless of their faces. Some of the most beautiful faces didn't rate as high as the ones with the best bodies. The men said it wasn't just a face or body but the way it all came together. Something to think about. What we women consider attractive isn't always the same as what men think. I personally don't think Brittany Spears is attractive but men drool over her. To each his own I say.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. If it wasn't there would be a lot of single people out there. Just look at all those men in hollywood who are considered unattractive - Donald Trump, Mick Jagger, etc. - they seem to find themselves more attractive women to go out with and I don't think that they are worried that these women are settling for them.

 
Old 09-27-2006, 10:28 AM   #12
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Thumbs up Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

DITTO browneyed-babe!! I couldn't have said it better

 
Old 09-27-2006, 11:52 AM   #13
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

I can totally understand this bothering you...I found out that a woman that my BF had once told me was just a friend of his and that he didn't have anything serious with that he was actually very serious about her and was going to move to another state to live with this woman...I'd say that's pretty serious....OK so here's my point...this woman was so ugly I can't even tell you how hideous she was. Beyond hideous...like a witch almost...hahaha!!! But let me tell you that it bothers the fool out of me. Here's the silly thing is that if there's someone on TV that's ugly he'll make a big deal out of them being ugly...finally one day I just flat out told him "well she's not any uglier than that woman you were so in love with!" I know...MY BAD!!!!!! OH and BTW..to make me even worse is that this happened way before I even met him...HEEHEE!!!!!
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Old 09-27-2006, 12:15 PM   #14
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

There are many more attractive things about a person than just their physical looks. For instance, NOT being shallow...............

 
Old 09-27-2006, 01:20 PM   #15
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Re: ugly, wait no! OOGLEY!

Right I did'nt get with my husband for his looks I actualy did'nt find him good looking at all lol but once I got to know him better I did find him attractive.Helphelp that could be how it went with your ex and this new woman maybe he felt at first she was'nt attractive either but her personality and things drew his attraction for her.I would'nt take it personally it has nothing to do with you im sure.

 
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