My boyfriend of 18 months who I am very in love with, told me last night that he's tired of my sometimes uptight ways and misses the person he knew when we were first dating. Our situation is so complicated... but basically he has some habits that i've tried to get him to tone down in the time we spend together because they are making the time we're together stressful. So of course when he doesn't do these things like he's agreed to in the past... (Such as, he lives in a family of 7 and doens't have his own toothbrush........) I find myself always getting annoyed. And my annoyance in turn makes him extremely frustrated and angry at me.
We're very different people in some ways... i'm generally a more stressed and organised personality and he's very laid back. We know we can't change each other because that's not right.. (and probably impossible). But... how can two people so different ever function side by side without being at each others throats all the time?? I desparately need some advice on how to relax and let little, unnecessary, day to day things go so that i'm not getting annoyed with him all the time. We've tried quick fixes before, (usually following intense arguments) but I need more than that this time because i'm afriad he'll leave me.
Oh, and it appears our expectations of each other are quite different. What I expect of him is apparently very contrasting of what he expects if me. Isn't this one thing that we definitely need to see eye-to-eye on? I'd be very devastated if this ended now because we've started to build a life together even though we've only been together a year+. Please any advice would greatly help.
You're right that you can't change someone. All you can do is either accept it and be quiet, or else move on.
I'm kind of confused about the toothbrush thing. He doesn't own a toothbrush? Is he THAT poor? Where I'm at, you can buy one for two dollars. But then, how does that really affect you? (Unless his dental hygeine is hideous).
But if you're feeling constantly annoyed with him, then maybe it is a sign that the two of you just really aren't going to make it as a couple? If he is doing things that don't sit right with you and make your life stressful, then why do you feel like you should have to put up with it? You don't. This is one of those things where you have to weigh the pros and cons. No relationship is going to be perfect, but there should be a general harmony, methinks. If you are arguing more often than you are getting along...well, that might tell you something.
If together you make the effort to work things out, then perhaps you can. But don't put up with all this stress just to hang on to a relationship.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
His family has many toothbrushes. Except none of them seem to belong to anyone in particular. I'm no germ freak... but i'd rather he wasn't using the same brush that his 4 younger brothers use. Ergh. He agrees with me, buys one and uses it for a few weeks before he gets lazy and can't be bothered anymore. So i'll say, is it that hard... and he'll say... is it that big a deal. Seems to be how we go about most things.
Unless you're married to this man, there's really no reason for you to stay, is there?
From all the things I've gone through life, one of the things I almost always do is I don't stay no longer than a whip of wind in a place where I'm unwanted, especially in a relationship. Hon, if he doesn't appreciate the wonderful person that you are, then walk out and walk away. Life is too short to be in a situation like yours.
We are all different (thanks heavens, otherwise, this would be one boring world). Let him find someone as wonderful as you and just to be fair, go find someone who would appreciate your organized personality. I'm organize, I drive my husband crazy sometimes, but you know what, he discovered that he can find things where they belong. Like pots and pans in the kitchen cabinets or his socks in his dresser. And then he throws me that big, warm smile and I know he just loves that quirky part of me.
he asked you not to be so uptight ... so what the hell is the problem STOP BEING SO UPTIGHT ... you create problems in your relationship by being uptight and then want to know why you have drama ... he said you are uptight ... if you can't loosen up then its your fault ... move on ...