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Old 09-27-2006, 06:08 AM   #1
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Advise PLEASE!!!

Can anyone help me understand what happened and what is going through he's head!! Was seeing a lovely guy for a few months got on great met few times a week and talked nearly every day, even got introduced to familly & friends!! One evening it came to the crunch and I asked what was going on with "Us", he has broken up from a 3 year relantionship 8 months ago, he says he wants to still meet me but doesnt want anything serious which I can understand as neither do I since I broke up with a guy 5 mths ago, however I wouldnt feel comfortable with him seeing me and possible kissing another girl also. I really like this guy, he's a total gent as I've has few bad Relationship in the past.

Can anyone help or give advise, it would be much appriciated as I have spoken to noone about it!

 
Old 09-27-2006, 06:36 AM   #2
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Hi Did he say he doesn't want anything serious, or doesn't want anything serious right at this moment?

I am inclined to think that he doesn't want to have anything serious with you just yet, due to coming out of a lng term relationship.

Maybe he was hurt from his past relationship, and needs to build up his confidence again in regards to the opposite sex.

You say that he is a gent - wow that is rare, and I would suggest you hang in there, give it time, be patient, and work at his pace.

The fact you say that he is a gent, and hasn't come onto you (I am assuming here) would say to me the likelyhood of him kissing others is probably unlikely.

Don't rush him, remember the best relationships, are the ones who build the foundations first.

Good luck

 
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Old 09-27-2006, 06:59 AM   #3
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Thank you for your advise. He said he doesnt want anything serious, and that he does still want to meet me. I know he had a hard few years with the previous gf. He said if I ever wanted to go for a drink to give him a shout and that we would still stay in contact as we get on very well. He also said that if we wer out in the same pub he wouldnt be to impressed if I was kissing another guy.

It seems strange coz for the first couple of months he was talking about the future ie Christmas etc, maby he just go scared??

Hopefully this might fill you in more!

 
Old 09-27-2006, 07:15 AM   #4
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Well that is interesting - I certainly wouldn't give up on him.

Him saying that he doesn't want anything serious, well reading in between the lines, maybe he doesn't want to give you any false hope, let you down etc. He is still new to being single, and probably doesn't want to rush into anything too soon, maybe he wants to spend some good amount of time with you first, and to see if anything develops between you both naturally, without the committment of saying, 'yes I want to be serious'. He may also be worried if he were to say 'yes I want to be serious with you' incase he changed his mind, or felt it was to soon!

But - the interesting thing here is him saying that he wouldn't be to impressed if he saw you kissing someone elses. Well that says a lot, he is basically hinting that he does see you as a potential girlfreind, and in a roundabout way saying he likes you, and not to spoil things.

He sounds like a really decent guy, my partner of 6 years was similar to him. He used to come round for coffee and watch videos for ages, before he plucked up the courage to ask me out! he was shy, like myself, and I was always looking for hints or signs on to how he felt about me. When he did eventaully ask me ask, I asked him why he had taken so long. He said it was because he wanted to make sure we got on well enough etc, he took asking people out, as serious. Some guys are still like this - hence you saying he is a gent.

By the way, take up his offer of the drink.

Let me know how it goes, and remember the best relationships are the ones which aren't rushed, and the foundations of friendship are built first.

Last edited by brook65; 09-27-2006 at 07:18 AM.

 
Old 09-29-2006, 01:49 AM   #5
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Thanks Brook,

Dont know if its a good or a bad sign that I havent heard fom him in 5 days. Its his birthday in a few wks and was thinking this would be an ideal time to get that drink in, however if I dont hear from him I dont this this will be on the cards

 
Old 09-29-2006, 02:48 AM   #6
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

i hear ya with your comment about not being comfortable with him kissing other girls, even though you two are not dating/serious. kinda similiar to my situation (post title: hanging out vs dating). i sorta feel like my guy is trying to get to know me too, wanna make sure i am gf potential. he's told me time after time that i am different from most girls, in a good way. also says he likes spending time with me and he initiates a lot of the outtings. also told me he's had dreams of a future with me. but like you, i keep thinking ok, if you like me, then why the heck aren't we officially dating? i am not one to do the casual dating thing. we agreed initially that we were gonna be friends and see where things go, but right now i am dying inside just waiting, and waiting. but i guess we just sit tight and remain patient. question for you.... have you guys kissed, held hands or anything??

 
Old 09-29-2006, 03:51 AM   #7
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Angelica, thanks for reading post! At least your guy has spoken to you about the future and has said he's has dreams about future (very good sign)!! I havent heard from him in 5 days not a word. Yes we have kissed, held hands and I've even stayed in his house.......

 
Old 09-29-2006, 04:41 AM   #8
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brook65 HB User
Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Hi again,

Well don't be disheartened by not hearing from him for five days. Who contacted who last? maybe he is waiting to see if you will contact him.

Afterall, he has basically said he wants nothing serious for the moment at least.

He said to ring him if you fancied a drink, well maybe he has left that to you, to make the next move.

If his birthday is coming up, then you have a fantastic opportunity to ask him or surprise him. Or if he has made other arrangments and asked you to come to, that is good to.

Good luck

 
Old 10-01-2006, 06:29 AM   #9
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

TKD1, have you heard from him? what's the status on your situation? Mine is going no where.

 
Old 10-02-2006, 11:27 AM   #10
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Hi........not a word from him at all, dont know what to think, why say he wants to stay in contact if he doesnt even contact, I know I havnt contacted him either but I just dont want to seem like I'm doin all the running! What do you think of it all? Any update with you??

 
Old 10-04-2006, 06:39 AM   #11
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rasaht HB User
Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Contact him. Maybe he is waiting for you. Assuming it's still go, ask yourself if you're happy with it being what it is. If so, then don't worry about where it might or might not go. Although, if you can't shake such a worry, then an uncommitted/non-serious relationship is not for you. If you can be patient and just enjoy spending time together, perhaps try and set some limits -- like telling him you are happy with what you are doing, like with it not being committed per se, but that you would like it to be exclusive... etc. Sometimes what starts out as casual transforms in time into something more meaningful. Sometimes not, but at least you've had a fun ride

 
Old 10-04-2006, 02:39 PM   #12
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Thank you for taking the time to read Dilemma. I hear what your saying its just I dont want to seem like an eager beaver!! Maby he's thinking the same why hasnt she contacted???? I do like him a lot, but as I'm not going to get full commitment into a relationship I will just be friends with him and maby things might progress from there.......

 
Old 10-04-2006, 04:56 PM   #13
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Who was the one who contacted who last??

If it was him, then maybe he is worried about also coming across as an eager beaver!

Remember it should be equal both directions, and like you said he is a gent, who is not naturally pushey.

But having said that, if it were you that contacted him last, then basically let him contact you next.

 
Old 10-05-2006, 03:29 AM   #14
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Very true, he was the one who contacted me last. I think I'll bite the bullet and contact him!! Its great to get views and advise from people who are not in the situation and see things from the outside.

 
Old 10-05-2006, 06:48 PM   #15
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Re: Advise PLEASE!!!

Hi, just to give ye an update, have been crazy busy and didnt get a chance to contact him, I was out for a few drinks with a couple of friends, I saw some of his friends in the same pub then a friend of mine said he was also there, I had to go out of pub to go to the bank and enroute back in I stopped and had a chat with him, we wer chatting away for a while chattin about work, whats been going on etc and I headed back to my friends after. After a while he was heading away and he came over and said bye and I got a kiss on each cheek, dont know what to make of it all. I know that I like him a lot. Ahhhh..........

 
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