I dunno where to start..i did not even know this board was on here...could have recieved alot of advice way earlier..k guys this is gonna be very very very long..hope u got ur coFFee..tea..cigarette..wutever lol...K..im a 28 womanand my bf is 27.. my bf and I met in June 2002...i got preggers in July 2002.and at 7 months he got himself locked up for stealing a car..he reciebed a year cause he was in jail b4 and he was on probation<..never learned that he was till we were into a couple of months of our relationship and iwas preggers and i fell for him .we had a little girl..we were practically fine b4 the baby..but once the baby showed up he got really jealous...he used to say i spent too much time with her..i breast fed her and i had no babysitter..so wut else could i have done but be a good mom...there was endless arguments..he got into drugs when she was about 1 1/2..freaked out one night and i broke up with him..went back home with my parents..he used to phone and ask for me to come back and that he was on his way to changing and that stuff..well a couple months later i did finally fly back..we started to work things out again..it went well for awhile he got a job..said he quit drugs...and that good stuff..but low and behold he did it again..started arguing again..blaming our daughter for "Ruining" our lives..stuff like that..and he started to get physical..which was a big no no for me...shoved me and our daughter down onto the floor..so i told him to fly to #$&%..this was in oct 2004..found out i was preggers on Nov 12...i was devastated..not bcause of the baby but how his father was..but he never relented..he was phoning wanting to come home and i was thinking it did not take 24 hours to change...so i told him no..so when i was around 7months we got back together..i really thought he wanted to make a true go at it...so around 7 1/2 months he said he was going out for a bit and will be back shortly..he never returned...i could not get a hold of him anywhere...so 10 DAYS LATER i got a call...he was like"How r u doin?"..I was like "HOW AM I DOIN!!?? "Where were u2 for 10 dayz?"..he was like plain and bluntly said " I met a girl"..."ANd i think i loves her".."In ten dayz?"..i said to him.."I said u have the ordasity to phone here saying ur in love with this woman while im here taking care of ur daughter and pregnant with ur son?"..his reply " #$@% You!!" and hung up.....i was speechless..seriously flabergasted...so that was that..i was very upset as one would be..and anywayz about 2 weeks later he showed up at the door and wanted to see our daughter..i was very upset..but let him in..he did not seem very happy..went in the room and layed on the bed..i went in and asked "Thought you wanted to see her?"..she is in the living room not in the bedroom"..so anywayz i closed the door..and went to lie down cause i was very tired that day..and my daughter came in and went to sleep with me..when i woke up my phone rang here was this woman on the other end asking for him..so i got him and i knew who it was...but i did not care...but anywayz they had an argument ..to make a long story short..this went on for an hour...call..he;d answer..call again..he'd answer..so i was rotted cause i was not feeling well that day..so i answered the phone and it was her again..asking for him again..i said to her that this has to stop..and she was cursing saying everything..im gonna kill u all this nice stuff..so i just hung up...he left after that..i was like thank god..but the calls did not stop..she was phoning me saying to watch my back or i'll be dead.she said that him wants me and our daughter dead and i was scared cause here i am preggers and with our daughter..i brought it up to him and he did nothing..he said he told her to stop..but its hard to believe sometimes...this wnet on up unitl i was 8 months preggers..i had enough and called the cops...but they asked her about it oo..and she said i was "Harrassing" her..so they said i could not do anythign cause its my word against hers...so anyway with him not in the picture and a 1 1/2 year old to take care of and i had major morning sickness..i decided to yet again go live with my parents..i had my lil man on july15th 2005..he was the sweetest thing!..Still is!!...i sent his family pictures..not thier problem he was being a jerk..but then thats when he started phoning saying he wanted me back..and i was like "Sure your still with her"..."But im not happy"..he said..but i got a new house and moved back...but i was still in the process of moving things from my apt to the house..in the meantime i would go over to his parents house and bring the baby over..he would come over and see him...and his daughter..more the baby tho..which mad me mad...and go again..in the meantime i would see him go for walks with her daughter and drive her around..sure one day i passed him on the road he was walking with her daughter..and i passed him..i asked him if he was gonna say hello to his daughter..cause i was walking up the road with her...he said he had no time because something happened and he had to get back to her place..that made me almost cry..im thinking..how could he?so one day he came down to my apt with ehr daughter..and of course our daughter got so excited she kept saying..daddy..me goin...it was heartbreaking...i asked him..can u just take her and her daughter and take them for a ride..cause she would love that..he said he ciould not he was busy..he seems to be always busy..so i shrugged him off...he left of course..left me with her crying.."daddy..no go..daddy!!...she could not talk very well...her birthday came up and i asked him if he would show up..he was like of course.u knows i will...so i told her..daddy is coming to see u on ur big day..she was so happy..she never frowned once all day..everyone showed up..we played games and such..andi told everyone..i think her father is running late...so i phoned and his gf hung up on me..and i phoned back...and i asked do u know if he is coming to her party?...she was like.."He dont consider her
Last edited by DazedandConfused; 09-27-2006 at 06:59 PM.
his daughter..my daughter is more of a daughter than yours!"...i cried and cried and cried..can u imagine telling a lil girl her dad would not be here for her b-day when just not too long ago i told her he was..she screeched and screeched...it was a bad day for me and her..like can u put away our diff..for the sake of our daughter?..i guess not...never had a present from him or nuthin...so anyway..i finallygot moved in..it was getting better..more room..lil bit less stress..then he started phoning yet again..saying he wanted to see the kids..i was like..u wants to see the kids now?...so tell me wuts so convieniant for u and see if i can pencil it into my intinerary<--i can be sarcastic when im mad ..but anyways..he showed up..never left..started staying here..so i was really confused..but then calls starting showing up again..here he was phoning her when i went to bed..im like how did she get my #?..because all of the times i had trouble with her..here it was ..i thinks he likes it myself..the drama...he knew i had to change my # for this purpose..the calls never stopped..all day..all night..so i had to chuck out another $50 to change my # again..believe it or not i had to do this 3 more times!!he knew to block my #..but decided not to..why?,,,makes no sense...k this story is getting too long now..to make things easier..he was back and forth between me and her..and everytime he was with me she would say she was preggers and when he would go back..she would say she miscarried..this happened 5 Times!!!..So today is SEpt 27th..she says she is preggers..go figure..she came up to me one day rubbing her belly saying she is pregnant..and that he was at her ultrasound..but his father says diff..he says he was with him all that day when she supposedly went to her ultrasound..so i dunno wut to think..and here is the update..he is back using drugs..never comes home..he used to use my car..but i put an end to that cause he would leave one day and not come back till 24 hours later..making up these stories..oh i forgot to mention..he is a pathological liar..he makes up lil lies..i mean frivilous things..just to talk..i believe..its an everyday thing i puts in the back of my mind..i think he is bi-polar..one minute he is on top of the world..next he is down to the dumps..next he is angry..its hard living with someone like that and to describe it..is hard to do..its strange..his mother is in denial, she thinks he dont do no wrong..he is an angel..but u can look at him and know if its gonna be a good day or bad day..like he is 2 or 3 diff.ppl...and when he is in a specific mood.he can get violent..hauled off and punched me in the face 2 months ago..still saying the kids ruined his life..and he wish he never had them..like thats how much he appreciates them..so now he dont have no car...no cell..no money because they are all my things and he is even more mad..i knows he is using me..so he is getting a taste of his own medicine..it sickens me how a human being can treat sumone who never did nuthing to him this way..and this is coming from my side..i knows you cant hear his side..but i swear this is all true..i cant see how i can do anything or be any more for him..he is never happy..he thinks im rich and my familyis rich..and he always holds that against me..which we r not..just an average middle class family..and he always says im a goody two shoes who never egst into trouble..like kill me if i dont wanna break the law or do drugs..like that makes me a bad person..he is mad at the world..and the ppl who "cared" about him..and the funniest thing is ..is that the ppl who do him wrong he praises..will do anything for them..which is so weird..really weird..like he has to impress them...like i said he really needs help in the baddest way possible..there is sumthing wrong..not just cause he is being a jerk..but there is sumthin there that is not right upstairs..he had psychiatrist appts..he never kept..like he dont want help..soi cant help him help himself if he dont want it..his sister says to me stay away from him..he dont deserve you..his gf already slashed his father's tires on his car...called thepolice saying they were harrassing her..same as she did me..mygod..i could go on and on and on..but i will use p all this forum..my point i am getting at is this..how can i move on when he keeps asking to see thekids and he keeps trying to control me in a way he wants to know who i am with and where i was to..even when we were broke up...?...ANd i have this thing about me that says i cant give up on him...not to have him as a bf..but as a friend..like he used to never be like this...he had a side to him that was sweet caring..affectionate..brought me flowers..stuff like that..but when our daughter came he went downhill...fast..i dont know wut went on...i dont wanna be with him anymore..no more of this anymore...but i dont wanna see him hurt or get into trouble either...god how can i be like this even after all i went through..and this is not everything..just way way too much info..but can anybody explain why i am like this?..why in my head i knows i deserve better..but that side of me wants to help?....im so fooled up its unreal..im depressed..very.and its making my everyday life unbearable..i have been raped at 15..been physically abused in my last relationship of 6 years and now this...why?..why?..why?..am i like this? ..k thats it..my rant is over..thanx for the ear..and if u have any suggestion can u leave them for me..i really need some advise badly..please try not to be critical of my stupidity of always taking him back...i just have a thing about me to be nice..i dont know...help
Last edited by DazedandConfused; 09-27-2006 at 06:51 PM.
Wow you have dealt with way too much drama! I hope you will stop letting this guy back into your life.I mean he will always be in and out prob cause you have children together but you should set boundaries here.Honestly as long as he was using drugs and with a girl that threatens your childs life and talks about the children the way he does I would not allow him to see the children until he got himself some SERIOUS help.This is just ugh so so unhealthy for you and the kids.You should make some major changes very soon for the best of your children and yourself I am afraid if you do not your kids may have problems later in their lives because of all this drama.Remember children listen and watch everything going on around them taking it all in.Sounds like you have supportive parents lean on them but please stand your ground with this guy if he ever threatens harm to you or the children get a restraining order.I wished you'd of called the cops back when he hit you.Also, as far as why you keep allowing him back well maybe you think you could'nt get another guy a good guy? I don't really know but maybe you should seek some counseling for yourself might even be a good idea to get counseling for your children too.
Girl get a backbone and stand up to this SOB and get him out of your life and your kids life once and for all! If he wants to see those kids tell him to go thru the courts and get visitation and pay child support! Then stick to your guns and find yourself a decent man who will look and treat those babies as his own! Move back home and stay there until you can get on your own feet and take care of yourself and those babes. do you want your kids to end up in a relationship like your having? because they learn from mommy and daddy Do you want to see your daughter treated the way your being treated? Kick him to the curb!
Yes i am about to see a counselor soon...im at the point where i am that tired pysically and mentally that i feel 82 not 28...and i knows wut this can do to the kids...i dont want that for them..not one bit..just so wore out...drained..and drained from writing my post from b4..
You are an adult and a mother of two kids now. Time to grow up and to be a responsible parent. That means, keeping the bum out of your life. And by the way - take him to court for child support. Yeah, he may not have a job, but he needs to get his butt out there to support his kids. This idiot keeps having kids and takes no responsibility for them - why? Because the "girls" he is knocking up lets him get away with it.
You need to think of your kids FIRST. Take him to court and get child support. If he doesn't pay up, let him go to jail. It seems that is where he belongs right now anyway.
This is all in your hands. If you keep playing games with him and acting irresponsibly, then he is going to do the same and will never learn.
I'm sorry for the advice I'm going to give you, but I'm probably old enough to be your GrandmaBetsy!!
First of all, if you are not on birth control yet, please get on it pronto!!!
Second of all, your life is more than just about this man. Almost everything you said was him, him & you, him.
Guess what! You are a whole and total person WITHOUT him. And if you haven't discovered that yet then you have no idea just how very strong you are.
For whatever reason you have decided that you are not worth being treated nicely. That's why you are drawn to men that abuse you (rape is NOT a choice) or treat you like this current guy. But deep down you KNOW you are better than this.
It really comes down to a choice that YOU make.
Spend some time (a year maybe) without a man in your life being the best Mom you can be, the best YOU you can be
Keep doing what you're doing, and getting more of what you're getting...
I would get rid of this miserable useless scum ONCE AND FOR ALL, if not for you sweetheart, for YOUR children. Oh, and did you say he hit you and your daughter (or pushed you or whatever)? hmmmm. You also need to report incidents like that to the cops and let him rot in jail. Why do you want YOUR daughter to see him anyway? To get sick of adults in her life?
Get yourself a life. The worst of men will be way better than him.