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Old 09-28-2006, 06:13 AM   #1
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Question So we talked last night...

For those that don't know my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago...

So last night we talked. I went to her house. After about 15 minutes of being there she asked me to buy her a flat iron for her hair. She asked if I had $160 on me and then added that she would pay me back. I told her that I only do that for my girlfriend and she responded by saying "well you never bought me anything while we were going out." I responded by saying "I always by you flowers and always pay for everything when we go out." Her response was "big deal".

We started talking over a couple of glasses of wine and vented our frustrations. She now blames me for killing her dog. I didn't actually kill her dog, he died of heat e xhaustion back in June. She says "by blowing up that balloon and playing with William", her nephew, "the dog got over excited and got fluid in his lungs". All this time she had blamed her mother for not keeping the AC running and her nephew for playing too much with him.

she said that she wanted to work things out, but:
1) I can't be so jealous - I can live with that
2) I can't sleep over every weekend - Her parents are old fashion and would let me sleep over in a separate room. This kind of sucks because I liked doing that.
3) I can't call or email her at work because she sits right next to her boss.
4) She wants to be able to go out with her friends also.

I can live with these things but I told her that I won't put up with her disappearing for a weekend and not calling me and that if she says she is going to call me back I expect her to call me back.

The thing that bothers me the most, and what bothered me before we broke up, was that I feel like she expects me to buy her things. Last night even while we spoke she would interrupt the conversation with "so what are you getting me for my birthday?". That kind of makes me feel like she just wants me to buy her gifts and if I don't she won't be happy. She wasn't like this when we first met and I don't understand why she is like this now. Is she a materialistic girl? Does she really think it is okay to ask me to buy her gifts when I am not getting all that I need? If I felt like she was blissfully in love with me then I would probably buy her gifts on my own.

With all of this why the hell do I still want to be with her? Maybe she isn't as bad as I make it seem? I don't know what to think!

-J

Last edited by JBravo223; 10-02-2006 at 08:29 AM.

 
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Old 09-28-2006, 06:48 AM   #2
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Re: So we talked last night...

She's using you JB
let her buy her own hair iron
she's letting you around if it's convenient for her.....in otherwords, if you follow all the rules.......don't you think you deserve better?

 
Old 09-28-2006, 07:07 AM   #3
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Re: So we talked last night...

I guess I you're right rose... this always happens to me though. I don't want to be with someone that is going to use me, I don't want to feel used, and I deserve to be loved. It's just that I have a real fear of being alone... like my dad, almost 60 and alone since my parent got divorced 22 years ago. I kind of feel like what I would imagine an abused woman would feel like... Not really trying to compare physical to emotinal abuse but I feel like I take the emotional abuse and come back for more... almost everyone of my relationships has been like this. I always put my all into it and in the end I don't get the same thing back. I tend to let women walk all over me. The funny thing is that I don't let any guy (meaning friends) walk all over me or take advantage of me.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 07:34 AM   #4
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Re: So we talked last night...

I used to be like that, afraid to be alone, put up with whatever they dished out, etc....
But it's funny, the older I get, the more I really enjoy being alone......it's comforting to know that your feelings aren't subjected to the whims of others.
when you're along you do things your way, you don't have to compromise. Being alone is much better than being in a bad relationship.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 10:10 AM   #5
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Re: So we talked last night...

I wonder if she will change her mind yet again?

 
Old 09-28-2006, 10:20 AM   #6
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Re: So we talked last night...

don't hold your breath
as long as she knows you're there just waiting to pounce on the bait, she has no reason/incentive to want to make things work between you.

put a little distance in between you two and see if that peaks her interest. I'm not suggesting playing games, I'm suggesting pulling back and doing something fun instead of sitting around wondering about her.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 10:29 AM   #7
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Re: So we talked last night...

Yeah sorry but I have to agree

She is using you, and acting like a spoilt little girl! Like buy me this and that, and then I might go back out with you.

She is only interested in what she can get from you Bravo, surely you can see that?

She comes across as having absolutely no respect for you, but maybe that is because she knows she can easily wrap you around her finger.

She says jump, and you say how high?

Be a man, stand you ground, and walk away from her.

Find someone who will love you for you

 
Old 09-28-2006, 11:22 AM   #8
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Re: So we talked last night...

well we both agreed to start with a clean slate... I hope that it works. I will not allow myself to be her puppy dog.

side note: I sent her a text message at 11am asking if she wanted to meet up for drinks and I still haven't heard back from her. I'm not going to call her cause she is at work but we'll see what happens.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 12:50 PM   #9
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Re: So we talked last night...

okay so she just called and during our convo she mentioned that she doesn't even want me to text message her during work hours. is that reasonable?

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:03 PM   #10
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Re: So we talked last night...

do you think it is?

you're still being her puppy dog......

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:18 PM   #11
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Re: So we talked last night...

no i think it sucks... If I follow these "rules" am I setting my self up to be walked all over?

Last edited by JBravo223; 10-02-2006 at 08:30 AM.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:23 PM   #12
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Re: So we talked last night...

Well I do not think that is reasonable Jbravo but what matters is what you think.I agree she is using you and wants everything on HER terms she wants total control of the relationship and of you or she does'nt want you at all.This reminds me years ago when I was like 17 yrs old I treated a b/f of mine very simular to how this g/f of your is treating you now and guess what ...I was using the poor guy and I knew I was it all ended with him comming by unannounced (as he had a right to do but of course I didnt think so) and finding out I had my ex b/f over.I think you should forget about this one maybe be on your own for a while get comfortable with being alone instead of feeling like you must have a girl at your side.Then later on you could find someone else who really does care about you.

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:25 PM   #13
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Re: So we talked last night...

this relationship is not "weighted" evenly.....you do see that, don't you?
She gets to call all the shots, and you can trot along at her side as long as you comply. Why is that good enough for you JB ? What's so darn special about this girl?

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:26 PM   #14
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Re: So we talked last night...

It was never like this betwwen us... she has only been like this for the two eeks before our breakup and since our break up. she never really showed me that she wanted the control so did I drive her to this and how? is this a temporary stage?

 
Old 09-28-2006, 01:29 PM   #15
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Re: So we talked last night...

no you did not drive her to this, stop trying to take the blame for her treating you bad!
temporary stage? I highly doubt it......why would anything change? As long as you're willing to put up with her "diva" routine, why would she ever do anything differently? If anything, it may change for the worse.....the more you do, the more she will expect. You deserve better, and as long as you settle for this treatment, you will never find better.

 
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