how do you decipher between being just "friends" and "dating." what's the difference between the two because nowadays people generally say let's go hang out. how do you know if you're just hanging out or really on a date? and when do you start expecting the guy to say, "ok, we are dating now and this is exclusive, meaning i'm dating you and only you."
Last edited by Angelica_01; 09-28-2006 at 08:48 PM.
Good freaking question. That's why I HATE dating or "hanging out" for that matter! lol. What the heck does the latter mean anyway? I think it's better to be somewhat cautious and keep it on a friendly level for a while, until you're at least somewhat certain that the particular guy really cares for you and is eager to date just you.
well he is a friend. we've gone out like 5/6 times, kissed the 3rd/4th time we "hung out." then moved onto making out, but yet we still are not a couple, whats up with that??? i don't mean to be pushy but i kinda wanna know where this is going. if he won't move this forward beyond the friendship level, would you say he's still playing the field?
If I went out on five or six dates with someone and had been intimate with them, then I would certainly consider us to be a couple. Did this guy actually say that he did not want to be your boyfriend? Or is that just the vibe you get? Why not ask him straight out, "Okay, are we an exclusive couple or not? Because this hottie asked me out for Saturday night, and I wasn't sure what to tell him. Just wanted to know where we stand!"
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
well you see, we never referred to us hanging out as "dates" it was always hanging out, or meet up with me at the bar or whatever. so in that respect, I'm confused with where we stand.
i HAVE asked flat out "where is this going, i need to know." i can't remember his exact reply, but he never said he didn't want to be my bf. you see we have not seen each other in 5 yrs or so and we initially met through friends. ocassionally we ran into each other and one day he initiated contact with me and our friendship went off from there. so, we didn't know each other well but now through hanging out, we're learning more about one another.
i hate to think he's still playing the field because he really isn't like that at all. he has said that there is no one else right now. part of me just thinks he wants to take it slow. although, we have done some heavy duty making out (again NO sex).
maybe i'm just stupid but men are hard to figure out sometimes!! and yes i know, women can be too...
So you asked him directly "where is this going?", yet you don't remember his reply? It seems like that's a question you would remember the answer to... unless he avoided it alltogether.
From a guy's perspective, even if I went out with you fifty times I would somehow let you know if I was into you as more than just a casual hookup/makeout buddy. Most men aren't that moronic; when they find something they really like they'll make sure that it's not going to get away from them and that the woman feels the same. If you guys have gone out 5+ times and he still hasn't mentioned wanting to make things exclusive at all, then I'd guess he isn't really looking for anything serious with you. "Heavy duty" making out might be pretty intense and/or meaningful in your book, but to him it might just be getting some mild action.
I know you think he "isn't like that" or that he tells you he isn't dating other people, but do you don't really know him well enough yet to make any definitive judgements about his character or lifestyle? Just tell him flat out that you're looking for something more than just a casual relationship between you two, and if he's not then you're gonna have to split. It's really that simple.
i think somehow he dodged that question. i think i know him well enough to understand his character. when i first started hanging out with him e told me he was taking it easy for a little in terms of relationships. but lately with us there is such chemistry and the attraction is definitely there. he has told me he's attracted to me and i have told him the same. we are different in a lot of ways but opposites attract, right? what we have is good (even minus the make out sessions) and i've said to him that i don't want things to always be physical. the truth is, if he only wants a friendship type relationship then i don't think i can be friends with him at all. it's cruel but the truth. there is also a possibility that he'll have to move out of state for a year or two for a new position (promotion) so i'm not sure if that is hindering his decision on where we are going with our relationship.
any other thoughts out there regarding my situation?
Hi I just would like to tell you - I have been with my boyfriend for over six years. We met through friends, and we became good friends, we got on really well, enjoyed each others company, had loads in common etc etc.
He used to find excuses to ring me up, or funny silly excuses to come around my house, I would ask him in for cofffee, and he would stay for hours. I also wanted things to go further, so used to tell him that when he was next passing he could pop in for coffee (didn't then need an excuse to come round). After saying that, he was round the next day. This went on for about three months, I was questioning friends that we mutually knew, asking peoples opinions constantely, but I couldn't approach him about it!
A few months down the line, I was starting to give up, then one day he suggested going out for a drink - wow it took all my energy not to show that I was estactic! but after the drink, I was still non the wiser. Then he asked me out for a meal, was that a date? I still didn't know.
Anyhow to cut a long storey short, when we finally did get together I asked him why he took it so long, He basically is a very shy guy, whos ex girlfriends were the ones who did the asking out etc, where I am old fashioned and also shy myself. So this made it difficult for both of us, also he was scared that I would reject him, and then that would spoil the friendship. Another thing he said was, he didn't take dating lightely, and wanted to make sure it would work between us.
Anyhow, as I have said before, build the foundations of friendship first, it can last longer than relationships built from lust.
So maybe this guy is like my partner, unusual I know, and confusing I can remember, but there are some decent shy guys left.
I was thinking the same thing as rosequartz. I think if this guy really wanted you to be his girlfriend, then he would most certainly make that fact known. But it seems like he wants to keep it casual instead, more along the line of friends-with-benefits. Just having fun. But if you want it to be something much more serious, then you need to be sure you talk to him again and make sure you're both on the same page.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
i'm been giving my whole situation a lot of thought. i've taken into consideration all the comments/advice/suggestions given by everyone here (THANK YOU) and it just seems like i'm leaning towards giving up on this him. only thing that bums me out is the time i've wasted thinking about him and the situation. i have not talked to him in a a few days, nor have i called, emailed or sent him texts. its been hard, but i've fought the urge.
from the beginning, we've talked about how much better relationships are, if and when you start of as friends. i believe that and still do, but after sharing the moments we've shared over the past few week, and then still having nothing, but a friendship, well that really gets to me. especially when he's told me hey i've dreamt of marry you and us being happy. i don't want to stick in his mind as a good friend, who hooks up with him for some casual making out and hand holding when he feels like it.
ii'm gonna try to keep my distance from him, focus on me, and having my fun without him.. who knows, if he really is into me as more than friends, then maybe the distance, or lack of seeing me will help push him to make the decision of where we stand. i hope i'm doing the right thing here.
I think you are doing the right thing. You seem like a really smart and rational woman and should trust your instincts. It's important not to settle for less than what you want, and I agree that it sounds a bit unlikely that this guy is interested in having the sort of relationship you want. And it's always good advice to focus on yourself and having fun on your own--it will make you happy and also more desirable to guys. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it or tell him that you're not interested anymore, because he might still come around, but it's smart to be prepared in case he doesn't. Every guy is different, but yours sounds a bit like a guy I was seeing earlier this year--things were really casual between us and he never mentioned anything about us dating or being exclusive. Whereas my boyfriend now started talking about wanting to be exclusive and how much he wanted a relationship with me pretty early on, like Nick said. I think most guys will clue a girl in relatively soon after they start seeing her if they see her as a potentially serious girlfriend, but then again, some guys are shyer, like to take things slow, and/or might be worried about scaring you off by coming on too strong too soon. The best thing for you to do is wait and see, but make sure not to get too invested in him in case things don't develop the way you'd like. Good luck!
I'm sort of in the same situation as you. I've been seeing/ hanging out with this one guy and I am confused as well. I ended up crashing at his place one night because I was falling asleep and he didn't want me driving home (45mins) when I was that tired. Nothing happened, just cuddling and him rubbing my back, etc. But there definitely was a closeness and kept sensing he wanted to kiss me, but didn't. I mean his face was pressed to mine...that type of thing. So, I don't know if he is scared, I definitely sense he is shy though. I mean we hung out afterwards and still talk, but things definitely simmered since then. I just think he is shy, but I have decided to just back off a bit and see what happens. I mean I like the guy and I can tell he likes me, but I think he is just shy/scared. Anyways, I think you are right to just back off for a bit and let things happen on there own. Like you said maybe you not being so available will make him come around. It is true when they say guys like the chase. Just hang in there and know you aren't the only one going through this.
Perhaps he is not sure just yet what he wants... as one poster pointed out, some people like to make sure it is going to work out first... although this doesn't mean they won't get physical in the meantime! I don't think you should give up, nor do I think you should suggest being exclusive, but just ask him how he is feeling, or where he thinks he would like things to end up. If he says he is interested but not sure, be patient. If you can't be patient, then call it quits. But at least you'll know.