| | i really could use some advice on this
to get the whole story this is going to be a little long...
last xmas my friend mike brought over one of his best friends, we all hung out a few times, there wasnt really any feelings at first(also i had been dating someone else at the time). not until new years where he told me had feelings for me, it was very cute. you know how guys are bad at sharing their feelings? what he said and how he said was like wow. there could be something here(by this time me and the guy i was dating were pretty much over), the next day we texted back and forth, i called him and he and i and some of my other friends went to the mall (i found out like a month later that he didnt remember telling me his feelings that night, ob. he was drunk on new years) but pretty much after new years we hit it off really good.
and before i go any further i need to say..that he is a marine. and that he was on leave when he came back for xmas. we hung out for about half the time he was here.
but after he left we talked on the phone a couple times a week(this was still when he didnt know he told me) one night i had texted him mentioning it, he had know idea so we talked about it...bleh blah
from then on we talked everyday...so the more we talked to more we got to know each other..then it was getting to where we were on the phone for hours a day, since we couldnt see each other we had to fill in that gap. it was april we still werent dating, but we did have strong feelings about each other. he told me that he didnt believe in love, he didnt know what it ment. (we had long con. about that..lol) but he had never been in a real relationship before, im not to sure why. but i guess there is nothing wrong with that. he had seen other people on the past but nothing real.but though i guess the point of that was i started to fall in love with him, but i was to scared cause of that fact that he didnt believe in it... about a week before he came back home(in april) he told me he loved me[..we were on the phone, apparently he said when i was talking to my dad and didnt hear him..i got off the phone with him like a min later. then i get a call from my friend that they were iming each other and he was telling her that he wanted to tell me, but he was really nervous(she didnt actually say to her that he loved me but i got the hint), and she told that he did say it when i was talking to my dad...he ended up calling me when i was on the phone with her and she told me to take it...(i think she told him to call back?) i could tell how nervous he was, i could hear is breathing...like you know when you are nervous and how you breath..lol i cant describe it, but i could tell, it took him awhile but he finally got it out, i felt the same way, but for some reason it wasnt coming out of my mouth...i did end up telling him though
when he came down a few days later for the weekend we spent the whole time together, i even met his whole family all at once. he even told his mom that things were serious between us.
the next time i got to see him i flew down to where he is at, after i would leave he would be going to do field training for a month, he paid for my ticket, and everything, my step mom gave me some spending money to buy a few things. i wanted to get some gifts and he even wouldnt let do that he had to spoil the crap out of me. on of the hardest things for him was not to be able to take care of me
he told me when i came back home..that seeing me leave and get on that plane was the hardest thing for him to do.
i cared so much for him
i wanted to take care of him as much as he wanted that for me.
when he left, i got a call right after i got off work from him
telling me that he had decided that it should end between us, (this was in june)(i went and saw him late may) because that soon he would be leaving for deployment, headed to iraq. he didnt want to me worry about him and for him to worry about me, and getting a "dear jonny" letter(which would never happen), and that i need to forget about hime. it didnt end there...that call was just when he left..i had to wait to talk to him a month later, when i talked to him the day that he came back, things between us ended. the main reason for it all, was because that instead of him being gone 7 months it jumped to 14 months.
ever since that phone call a lot of things have happend that i regret, there were a lot of hurtful things said between us. things i regret saying. i have told him sorry for what i have said. i wish that i would take it all away. there are some things that he has done..that hurt me so much. but i just want things to be better. its really hitting me hard knowing he is going to iraq, and if something happens to him, with things left the way they are, i couldnt live with myself. im scared to death. for him.
i dont know what to do. i dont want to make things worse then they allready are, but i need to do something.
can anybody help me?
i need to make the right decision