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Old 09-30-2006, 10:02 AM   #1
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Why do good guys finish last?

I'm simply gonna post the age old question:

WHY DO GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST?

I'm 21 and I keep getting hurt by women who leave me or look right over me for someone who is a total jerk. I'm really getting tired of it. What attracts women to these guys? It always seems that I'm trying to treat someone like a queen and they leave me for someone who treats them like crap. Even more important, is this something that goes away with age? As women get older do they quit this? Just curious and oh-so-frustrated!!!

 
Old 09-30-2006, 10:15 AM   #2
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Re: Why do good guys finish last?

I find this to be an unfortunate phenomenon as well (Im a girl). However Ive been guilty of it. I think part, if not the majority, of why this happens is because people in general like a little bit of a chase. They like to feel like they are special because they were able to pin a guy down that was a little hard to get. I actually have this problem with guys because Im a really nice girl and I dont like playing games or acting like Im not interested in someone if I am. I treat guys really nicely. However, Ive noticed lately that with some, they lose interest because I guess I am not challenging enough at times.

I think that if guys are good guys, its not that women dont want them. I want a nice guy, definitely. But if a guy comes off treating you like a queen from the start, its a little less desirable to a lot of women b/c they dont feel special. It makes them feel like you treat everyone this way and, maybe even to some, it looks a little desperate sometimes if you're super nice and caring right off the bat. So I think thats why women go for guys that are *******s. Because initially, they want to be that 'special girl' that will be the one that will catch their eye. Its kind of an ego boost.

I guess the best combination would be to be a little aloof, hard to get at first (dont be an a-hole though, just have a little mystery to you)...and then if all goes well and she is worthy of your good-guy nature treat her like a queen. Girls would love that. I think that would be pretty ideal.
I do think it goes away with age as girls learn that these ******* guys may be desirable at first but arent good for them in the long-run. However, I do think that a lot of people, despite their age, like a little chase at the beginning.

Last edited by lady346; 09-30-2006 at 10:18 AM.

 
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Old 09-30-2006, 11:04 AM   #3
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Re: Why do good guys finish last?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bendb
I'm simply gonna post the age old question:

WHY DO GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST?

I'm 21 and I keep getting hurt by women who leave me or look right over me for someone who is a total jerk. I'm really getting tired of it. What attracts women to these guys? It always seems that I'm trying to treat someone like a queen and they leave me for someone who treats them like crap. Even more important, is this something that goes away with age? As women get older do they quit this? Just curious and oh-so-frustrated!!!
Im a lil bit older than you, not much, but I have been there and I have wondered the same things as you. It can be frustrating to think that women want things that arent good for them, (that is the basic premise underlying the attitude). It makes us wonder about women and their choices. If women are teaching men through their choices that they dont want them to be good or nice, perhaps men will turn nasty just to grab their attention? and can it ever be fruitful to make young men think they have to be a jerk to get women? Or perhaps men think that women want mean guys etc, when really they dont, they just want guys to offer them a bit of excitement, be a little spontaneous, and have a backbone, be opinionated etc. ( I think this is what most young women will say they want and not a jerk).

But lets just say for the sake of the argument that women do want jerks and
good guys will always finish last. I will say this. Its not so much about men and women, as it is about individuals and the different things they look for in mates. Forget what women want, or what you think they want. Look to your life and think about what it will mean for you to be comfortable with yourself.
If you value being a good man, and lets say you change into a jerk to get the woman, and you get her, then what? You think it will last if she truly wants a jerk and you were never 1 to begin with? Dont be so easily influenced and quick to let your own standards slip. So forget about the men and women for the moment, think about individuals, and the kind of individual youd like to be with. Thinking all women want jerks wont work out too well. You may end up acting like a jerk to get a woman only to find out she doesnt want you cus you're a jerk. lol. But yea, I've been there and instead of asking am I good enough for her? I now add my own questions into the mix. Is she caring, considerate, thoughtfull? unmaterialistic? Loving? trustworthy? nurturing? maternal? Would she make a good mother? Would my mother like her?

Besides, there are lots of grown women who would love a guy who will be there and treat em good, someone to offer them stability especially when building a house and happy home etc. Could a jerk ever build a great home and environment to bring up kids? hmm. I doubt it.

gl man, and just b yourself
and dont sacrafice it.
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That which does not kill me, can only make me stronger

 
Old 09-30-2006, 11:36 AM   #4
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Re: Why do good guys finish last?

Good Guys don't finish last.

And, if you have any doubts, just remember that YOU are not finished yet.
My husband was a "good guy", a "nice" guy, and he was still single at age 33.
I'm sure he wondered what you are wondering at age 21.

But, he's been MY "good guy" for going on 20 yrs now and I'm pretty darned sure that he hasn't finished last either!!!

 
Old 09-30-2006, 05:58 PM   #5
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Re: Why do good guys finish last?

Maybe some women pick jerks because they have low self esteem and like being treated badly. Or, maybe they appear to be jerks to you, but to the women they aren't jerks. Or, maybe you're nice, and that comes off as sickly sweet, or wussy, and it makes them feel weird to be put on a pedestal. Jerks might be more able to defend their turf (and protect their woman), and a nice guy could be unassertive and unable to make her feel as safe? It's more fun for a girl to think a guy doesn't like her, and chase after him, than to have a guy who will show up with roses and chocolates on a first date, because that could feel stalkerish and creepy. Or, maybe you're interested in the wrong women and you're overlooking the women who like nice guys. Just throwing possibilities out there. But why do men always say that women only like jerks? What behaviors have you seen in jerks that seems like the women are being treated badly? I think good guys might finish later, not last, which doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Mugwump

 
Old 09-30-2006, 07:15 PM   #6
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Stillsearching HB User
Re: Why do good guys finish last?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bendb
I'm simply gonna post the age old question:

WHY DO GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST?

I'm 21 and I keep getting hurt by women who leave me or look right over me for someone who is a total jerk. I'm really getting tired of it. What attracts women to these guys? It always seems that I'm trying to treat someone like a queen and they leave me for someone who treats them like crap. Even more important, is this something that goes away with age? As women get older do they quit this? Just curious and oh-so-frustrated!!!

It's not only men, good women sometimes finish last too.

I'm a nice, "good woman" and guys seem to look me over for some b*tch. I'm not bad looking (I've been told I look similar to Scarlett Johansen) and I have my life together, but men doesn't like "nice women". Most men seem to like women who are b*tches, ones who'd take their money and run, ones who'd cheat on them, drain their bank accounts, lies to them, sleeps with their best friend and then drop them like a hot potato.

Don't feel bad, women has similar problems too.

 
Old 09-30-2006, 07:34 PM   #7
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Lance0204 HB User
Re: Why do good guys finish last?

the only thing you're doing wrong is going after bad girls. i think girls are better than guys at finding their "likeness". if a girl you perceive to be "good" or "nice" is passing you up, she's probably doing you a favour. what you need to do is find the really good, down to earth girls, not just the "good looking" ones. the majority of those are just plain dangerous anyways, .

 
Old 09-30-2006, 11:48 PM   #8
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Re: Why do good guys finish last?

From my past relationships, I see it as what they're used to. I talk to my ex-girlfriends, and after a while I could personally talk to them about what happened in our relationship and how it could've been fixed/resolved or prevented so I learn for future references.

I find that most of the time, no one is really at fault (as lame as that sounds). But, a lot of girls nowadays are very used to the guy that will cheat on them, treat them like yesterday's paper, and never do a damn thing for them. Then, when they end up finding a 'nice guy', that looks forward to spending time with them, that likes to make them feel good, that goes out of their way to make her day wonderful, it's odd. It's weird to them, and it makes them feel awkward. It's no one's fault really, it's just different from their usual.

As said before, at the start, you have to give off that vibe. Show on the outside that hey, you're not head over heels about them (yet) and that you're still out doin your own thing as per usual. Then slowly work your way into her life more and more.

Best of luck.

 
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