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Old 10-01-2006, 05:06 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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Mattm4000 HB User
Need help with girls!!

I am in need of some advice. I am a 27(almost 28,my birthday is in a week) single male. Unfortunately, I have been single quite a long time now. I haven't had a girlfriend in about six and a half years. I feel very embarassed to even admit that but its true. Basically the story is that I was dating someone for about three years from the time I just turned 19 until I was almost 22 and me and her were in love and we planned on always being together and getting married and all the normal things that you wish for but instead things ended up falling apart between us which eventually led to us breaking up and then after we broke up she met somebody else and that just put an end to me and her ever getting back together.

The whole problem with me is that I have had a problem getting back on my feet ever since breaking up with her. Its not that I am still in love with her and its keeping me from moving on, although I do still care for her, its at a healthy level, and if I met the right girl I could definately begin a relationship with somebody else. But the problem is that I am not able to meet anyone else. I know I will sound like every other guy on these boards when I say that I am a nice, good looking, hard working, guy but its true, I am! lol.

Now its not that I have been totally not out with anyone over the years, because I have been out on dates and out for coffee with girls and things of that nature but none of them ever turned into relationships. I had one girl that I asked out, and this girl I was crazy about, she was like the girl of my dreams, I asked her out she said yes, we exchanged numbers and everything was seemingly going well and she kept talking about how she was busy and as soon as she got some free time we would go out and to make a long story short shes been telling me that almost two years now and its still yet to happen, so obviously I don't have alot of faith in that. Another girl I met last year from one of those online personals sites, we met for dinner one night, I thought she was great, very attractive, great personality, we went out on two nice dates and then she started acting all distant and cold towards me and when I asked her what was wrong all she said was that she didn't see herself staying with me in the long term and that she figured she would tell me now before things went any further. Yeah, it makes sense I know, but not exactly how I wanted things to go.

Another problem I have is that I am a quiet person. Not really shy so much, just quiet. I dont go out to bars or clubs. I dont drink at all so theres really nothing in it for me, besides I hear so much about how those are really the worst places to meet people anyway and I just dont have much exposure to single girls my age. I work full time in an office with about 15 other people 4 guys the rest are females but most of them are older and even the ones that are my age have boyfriends. Out of a group of 15 people I am the only one thats single. But I am outgoing and friendly and I personally think that I could be alot of fun once people get to know me but I just feel like after all these years of not having a girlfriend and having all this hard luck with girls that I have been out on dates with its like my self-esteem is pretty low, I feel confused about how to meet people and also embarassed to have to admit how long its been since I have been in a relationship. I feel like if a perspective girl finds out how long I have been single she might feel like theres something wrong with me that I have been without a girlfriend for so long. I also feel kinda nervous about meeting someone, even though I want to, its kinda like the fear of the unknown and not knowing what the girl is all about and I'm a bit uneasy about that.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

 
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Old 10-01-2006, 05:20 PM   #2
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JBravo223 HB User
Re: Need help with girls!!

hey... I read you post and can relate with you. I was in a very serious relationship that ended in Jan 2004... I went out with her for two years and we lived together... From 2004 to Feb 2006 I was pretty much single, I did hook up with a few girls, but I didn't really have a committed relationship, something that I like. Anyway in Feb 2006 I met a girl at work and we hit it off right away... if you have read any of my posts on this board you'll see that that recently went down the toilet... so what's my point? well I am not sure that I have one, I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I am the only single one out of all my friends so none of them go out anymore. I usually feel alone on the weekends and of course that sucks. When you do meet a girl don't tell her you have been single for six years. You have to open up a bit and try not to be so quiet if you think that is a problem... good luck dude

 
Old 10-01-2006, 07:45 PM   #3
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CyberNick HB User
Re: Need help with girls!!

You sound a lot like me, though I'm only 22. The one difference I notice in myself is that I do go to parties/bars and etc., and am perhaps a little more outgoing. I think this is the main difference you will find in meeting new people as well.

I know that a bar isn't usually the best place to meet someone, but it varies depending on where you go. Some bars are sleazy or weird, with an older usually 40+ crowd that is usually 95% male. Those are the ones that you'll want to avoid obviously. There are other bars where they have a younger and more upbeat crowd, with lots of opportunities to talk to and meet girls. I'm not the smoothest guy out there by any means, but after one or two drinks it kind of takes the edge off and helps me to relax a little bit and not overthink things so much. If you're not comfortable drinking alcohol then you don't necessarily have to implement that advice, but it's just a thought. It's usually a good icebreaker.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the more you go out, even if if you're not comfortable, the more you'll have chances to meet new girls. You don't have to drink to have a good time. I've met a lot of girls just going out, who will be friends of a sister's cousin or something even more remote, but that gives you even the smallest base to start a conversation off of. EVERYONE feels awkward dating and meeting new people, which is why it's so hard for a lot of people to just break through the initial meeting phase. Take a chance, put yourself out there. It's the only way to break out of your mold and meet new people.

 
Old 10-01-2006, 08:14 PM   #4
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mugwump HB Usermugwump HB Usermugwump HB Usermugwump HB Usermugwump HB Usermugwump HB Usermugwump HB User
Re: Need help with girls!!

I'm not really qualified to be giving advice because I didn't get around much myself--I'm quiet too, don't drink, and hate bars. But, I managed to find someone and get married anyway, although it happened later in life for me (I'm 36 and just got married). Sounds like you don't bounce back well after being rejected. I don't think you need to say how long you've been without someone, just call it a dry spell, if you have to. I say give the online dating thing a try again. What if you just admitted you're quiet in your profile or whatever you call it? Sure, it might drive off a lot of people, but it might attract others. And you may as well get rid of the ones who can't relate to that right off the bat. Maybe you need to just get a thicker skin by going out on random dates, even if they don't work out. At least that way it's not so in the forefront of your mind that you haven't had a relationship in a while, because you'd be getting current experience. I think online dating might be a good way to get a large assortment of people to choose from, if it's slim pickins at work. It's kind of like a resume. If you hadn't had a job in 6.5 years, the advice is always to volunteer, so why not volunteer to be dates for women and just use it as a learning experience, something to put on your dating resume so to speak, and that will give you confidence which will make you more appealing. Good luck.

Mugwump

 
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