I have been w my b/f for 3 years. He went to a party with a buddy out of town. There was drinking etc... I asked how the party was when he came back and maybe I am paranoid but asked if he did anything he should not have.. eg cheat. He said no.. never looked at me when he said it. So I looked at him in the eyes.. and said "What did you say" he smirked and said no. I said "reeeaaallly"? he said no... I said then why won't you look at me? And why are you smirking? He said cause you get idea's in your head and he thinks it is funny. I said well you know I cannot stand a liar..he got very defensive and said why do you do this!!! I said no.. I said ya but you smirked!!! He said cause you get all these senario's in your head!!! I said did your freind cheat? He said even if he did that is his buisness.. I said so he did? He said no.. but that is his buisness.. . I said did you both!!! He said no...there was no good looking girls there anyway.. and proceeded to tell me that I don't even know his friend so how would I know if he would cheat.. etc... seems fishy to me.. any comments ?
Has he given you reason in the past to not trust him?
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I don't think the question is, "Is he lying?", but, rather, what's wrong with you, him or the both of you (and your relationship) that causes you to give him the third degree when he returns from a party and question him like his mother. Has something happened in the past that would cause you to talk to him like this?
OK I'll be a little bit more sympathetic here, but let me tell you -- what the other posters are saying is right. If you question him like this over and over again, that will push him away.
I mean, how is he supposed to prove to you that nothing happened?
That being said, I have had the same issues with my boyfriend in the past. I've since learned to overcome my insecurities -- plus he hates it when I question him -- so I don't do it anymore. I figure if he did do something wrong, I'll find out about it eventually -- either through his friends, such as if they accidently mention something that I hear, or through my bf's actions.
You're going to end up losing if you keep it up each time he goes out to a party. People have their own lives and they should have their own lives. If you can't trust him, then you should move on.
Well he has not that I am aware of. Done anything to make me thing otherwise. And I don't think you are being harsh... I do appreciate your honesty.. and I know thought maybe I am being stupid, . paranoid and insecure... stupid of me.. I agree with you. Thanks
I am also a pretty insecure gf but im a lot better than I used to be cos my boyf told me sumthin which i think applies here...if he can go and get with another girl so easily then why wld he come home to a gf and put up with the questionning, he'd just leave. Instead he stays cos he loves you and doesn't want to go off with ne1 else.
I don't like the fact that when you asked "did you cheat?" he said "no.... there weren't any good looking girls there anyway..."
His response should have been "of course not, I Love You and don't want anyone else". I am reading between the lines and wondering if there were any girls there would he have cheated? I hope I am not making you feel bad but I tend to look at things from all angles and deeply analyze what people say.
My ex would say things like that and I would pick up on them. It really drove me crazy.
All I can say is that if my girlfriend asked me something like that and I didn't cheat I would let her know that I didn't cheat and the reason I wouldn't cheat. However, if you keep asking that question he will get annoyed and leave you. Besides, has anyone in the history of dating and love ever answered that question honestly... "Yes darling, of course I cheated."... it will never happen.
You'll never know for sure what he gets up to in your absence unless he tells you, and you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Even if he is guilty of something, a direct question like that before he is ready to tell you is likely to encourage him to lie, which of course makes it harder to confess later. Just give him the benefit of the doubt. That's trust for you, which is basically "innocent until proven guilty" -- and like I said, you'll never know if he's guilty unless he tells you that anyway. Don't make things up in your head to worry about. Take his word for things because that's all you have to go by.
I use to be insecure too and I am now getting married to my boyfriend in 10 days....1st I agree with the poster that said why would he keep coming home and being accused of it and stay he would just leave. My boyfriend was not only hurt but insulted by the fact that I would ask, he had never given me any reason not to trust him it was just my insecurities and I think you are the same. Imagine how you would feel if everytime you came home from somewhere he was like where were you, who were you with, did you cheat?
Also my boyfriend has a sense of humor and because of it he too would probably answer no there wern't any good looking girls there because he would think of it as a ridicoulous questions so you get a ridiculous answer. Hope this helps
From experinence, and yes I had to learn, you should beleive that he loves you and he is with you because he wants to be with YOU or else he would leave, he shouldn't have to constantly reassure you he's not cheating if he hasn't done anything to loose your trust. So no I don't think his answer should have been of course not I love you...if he hasn't done something to loose your trust I don't think you should have asked him in the first place
Last edited by finallyready; 10-04-2006 at 12:12 PM.