It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-02-2006, 12:06 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: California, CA, USA
Posts: 1,117
Destea HB User
Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

Okay, I guess this isn't entirely relationship related - other than advice on how to be more patient with the fiance and his mother right now when I'm on my last nerve - 2 weeks away from the wedding.

Sometimes his suggestions throw me into a TAIL spin haha, I have a hard time appreciating that he's trying to throw input into the wedding - mostly only because HELLO - it's a little late?! Most of the stuff he suggests end up adding MORE things on to my list of todo's, he's willing to help with some things, but to honest I don't really trust him to tie 100 bows on favors or find 'nice' picture holders for the tables, you know what I mean? Love the boy, but some things are better left to the females involved.

This brings me to probably the typical "she's driving me nuts" discussion regarding the MIL. We've put our religious differences aside and that front has been respected and going well - no issues there which I am very grateful for. However, she said she'd take on the rehearsal dinner - but I ended having to do everything BUT send out the "evite", basically, which frustrated me - it was supposed to be the fiance and his mom dealing with the guest list and details and place and getting prices - but HE took so long to get her info that I just ultimately took over to get it done with! Now we're on to the "brunch" for out of town guests and family that she insisted on having since we didn't want like a 70 person rehearsal dinner (no thanks!) - she insisted, but I've had to find the information for her again since we're closer to the venue by a few hours (which .. okay, fine... but geez! I don't even want it and I'm doing all of the work!).

So, we are pretty much wrapped up, this is more just a vent session. But right now I keep getting all of these little emails about what to tweek and what they want to do and I'm ready to SCREAM if they somehow mess with my table assignments again, it took me HOURS to find a 'peaceful' way to sit everyone with all of their different views (we have several SUPER conservative christians mixing with a handful of lesbian family and friends on my side, plus the anti-christian out of town friends etc, it's going to be interesting to say the least :P).

Anyway, what I need today is advice on how to hold on to my frustration and suck it up for two more weeks. If she sends me one more email asking about some stupid detail that doesn't concern her I'm going to flip Bless her heart, I just can't deal with her concerns about the nephews SHOES for crying out loud

And if hubby to be adds in one more "neat idea that would be funny!" I'm going to smack him upside the head.

Spa day? Breathing excercises? PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS - just help me through this last week of uber-stress so I can just get to the day and enjoy it without glaring at the MIL and DH I'm half serious, I'm no perfectionest so whatever happens that day happens, but this nit picking is starting to bug, seriously!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-02-2006, 12:23 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

I've been married, I had the big wedding at the church, the limo ride after to the country club reception. I basically planned the whole thing myself while finishing college and starting a new job at the same time. There's no reason to be so stressed. When the day comes, everything will be fine. Just be glad you're getting married to the man you love. That is what the wedding is all about. As far as the guests not getting along -- DON'T WORRY! If someone is to the extreme right or the extreme left then they should be used to dealing with people who disagree with their views. Most often these people try to avoid talking about politics or religion in social settings. If they do and some sort of altercation happens, then it is not your fault! Besides, what do you think would really happen -- an all out brawl? I doubt that would happen and if it did, how selfish of those guests. It is really not something you should be worried about.

There will always be certain things out of your control in life.

As for the little details, if someone is approaching you over and over again about certain things, tell them that you have given them the authority to make the decision. Or, if it is an easy one to make yourself, just make it and email them back. That only takes a few minutes to do. Remember that it will all be over with in two weeks. And, you may never have this chance again! You may never be in such a position of power as when you are the bride! Everyone who is asking you about the details are trying to help you! Feel lucky that you have so much support.

AND, feel VERY lucky that you are able to afford what sounds like an elaborate wedding. Some brides don't have to stress about all these details because they can't afford to buy brunch for out of town guests or even have out of town guests. Some brides can't afford little pictures on the tables or even a reception nice enough to have table asssignments. Or even a reception at all! Some brides just have to stick with a bbq in the backyard and they are happy with that. When you start to feel stressed and start freaking out, think about how lucky you are.

As far as your soon to be husband, just tell him you don't have time to add anything to wedding. And then just ignore him. But if you've been complaining all along that he should provide more input, then you're only getting what you asked for. You don't want to start off a marriage with resentment.

 
Old 10-02-2006, 12:37 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,651
StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

Wow! Two weeks out

Spa days and breathing exercises didn't work for me two weeks out, lol. Lots of Mylanta during the day and several tequilla shots helped at night

Seriously, tho, you need to get your soon to be hubby on the same page with you. Just tell him you're uber stressed out right now, and ask him to please stop making "funny" suggestions so close to the wedding. Let him know you love his mind, but he needs to be really using it right now productively, not stressing you out even more with suggestions this late in the game. Have him help you out with tasks you know he can handle to lighten up your load (like the nephew's shoes email).

I don't know if you're a micromanager type or a delegator type, but now is the time to delegate! Remember all those friends and relatives who offered to help? Take an afternoon or a quiet evening, sit down with a notepad and your fiance and start writing everything else that needs to be done/dealt with/addressed. I'd have him deal with his mother for right now on some of these issues. You have your own relatives to deal with, right?

I think every woman who's been married knows just what you're going through right now, small wedding or large. Don't be afraid to let the ladies in your life know you're at the high stress level point and you'd appreciate their help. Just be specific with what exactly you need done.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding and an even better honeymoon!!!

 
Old 10-02-2006, 01:18 PM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wa, USA
Posts: 195
QweenyBluEyes HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

Sometimes his suggestions throw me into a TAIL spin haha, I have a hard time appreciating that he's trying to throw input into the wedding - mostly only because HELLO - it's a little late?! Most of the stuff he suggests end up adding MORE things on to my list of todo's, he's willing to help with some things, but to honest I don't really trust him to tie 100 bows on favors or find 'nice' picture holders for the tables, you know what I mean? Love the boy, but some things are better left to the females involved.
I just got married 2 months ago and I completely understand. Being under so much stress right now, he really wants to help to make sure you know that he cares. Trust me, he is not doing it to get on your nerves. Most guys stay out for the whole time simply for the fact that you have your way of doing things and if he does something he will feel like you are behind HIS back constantly. Therefore he can never do anything right. Same way with the rehearsal dinner, although my MIL did not do anything let alone send out invites. I ended up sending invites at the last minute because no one knew about it.

About the Brunch, is she paying for it? Otherwise if not, I think she was completely out of line to tell you to spend more money. Even if she is paying, make sure it fits into your hectic schedule. If it would be too much, tell her kindly that you are really busy and feel as though it would be too much for you.



So, we are pretty much wrapped up, this is more just a vent session. But right now I keep getting all of these little emails about what to tweek and what they want to do and I'm ready to SCREAM if they somehow mess with my table assignments again, it took me HOURS to find a 'peaceful' way to sit everyone with all of their different views (we have several SUPER conservative christians mixing with a handful of lesbian family and friends on my side, plus the anti-christian out of town friends etc, it's going to be interesting to say the least :P).
Wouldn't it be nice if it were so easy to tell them to just GO AWAY??

Anyway, what I need today is advice on how to hold on to my frustration and suck it up for two more weeks. If she sends me one more email asking about some stupid detail that doesn't concern her I'm going to flip Bless her heart, I just can't deal with her concerns about the nephews SHOES for crying out loud

Write back and tell her do what you think is best, because honestly, if you have a paticular kind of shoe already picked out, just let it go. The LAST thing you will be thinking about on the wedding day is your nephew's shoes. Who would want to take a picture of that anyways??

And if hubby to be adds in one more "neat idea that would be funny!" I'm going to smack him upside the head.

Spa day? Breathing excercises? PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS - just help me through this last week of uber-stress so I can just get to the day and enjoy it without glaring at the MIL and DH I'm half serious, I'm no perfectionest so whatever happens that day happens, but this nit picking is starting to bug, seriously!
If I were you, I'd try to keep myself busy just for the cure of keeping myself from going completely insane. The only thing you should be really concerned about is yourself AND your hubby-to-be and make sure you get plenty of rest (both of you!!) on the day before the wedding. Also, make sure your hair and make-up is JUST right on the day of. Otherwise, you might regret it. Then on your honeymoon, both of you spend a relaxing time at the spa and get a few massages. Hope this Helps! GOOD LUCK!
__________________
Quitters always lose, and winners never give up.

 
Old 10-02-2006, 07:13 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: houston tx usa
Posts: 361
punkybear HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

I don't so much have advice for you I just want to tell you do I EVER know how you feel!!!!! I am getting married in two months and not only is his mother bothering me with little details, she ran to him CRYING one day telling him that my mom and I are trying to run the show. HELLO!!!!!! It is my wedding and I am the bride! And I have thrown in so many little details for him that are surprises that he will love. Just tiny little details that she is completely aware of. And he was perfectly fine with me planning the whole thing in the beginning but now he will wrinkle his nose at me and act like my idea is weird. It is going to be a very classy wedding and all his suggestions are just a joke. It is in a beautiful reception hall and his mother keeps telling me they want this hillbilly squaredancy dance thing or something and a roast freaking pig for dinner which I had obliged to both!! At first he was like "I'm just glad you're happy and excited about it" then his mother got ahold of him and convinced him that I am a control freak. I was just never aware that grooms cared very much about stupid details like flowers and music that I have been agonizing over anyway! His mom is on my last nerve. She is conniving and controlling and she was being totally manipulative going to him and crying. Making ME look like the bad guy.

Whew!! Sorry to vent so much there I just found someone that maybe can kind of understand what I am going through and I totally hear you, too. If you figure something out to relax let me know. My outlet is to call my own (and sane) mother and complain to her and she listens. I hope we make it to the wedding day with no bloodshed. Good luck to you.

 
Old 10-02-2006, 08:18 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 648
Fabat40 HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

First of all hon, BREATHE

I just recently got married, (my 2nd, his 1st) and I went thru a similar situation even with a wedding consultant.

Next time your soon-to-be-hubby suggests anything, just lovingly say,"hon, It's too late to add anything at this point" Keep saying that to any suggestions and he'd soon get the message.

Another suggestion about the MIL, next time she says anything, just say, "everything is in its place and nothing else needs to be done or added" Keep saying that and she'll also soon get the message.

It's both you and your fiance's day. Put your foot down and don't allow anybody else to mess it up.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! It's very tiring and unfortunately, stress goes along with the planning. Take some bubble baths and try to relax. I know it's asking a lot, but you need it. Once you arrive at the reception, it's all party time.

Congratulations again! Put your foot down. And just tell them nicely that nothing is going to be added.

Peace.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 09:32 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: California, CA, USA
Posts: 1,117
Destea HB User
Re: Advice for a stressed bride-to-be? :)

Haha, thank you to everyone. Luckily, I have this trip to Mexico starting tomorrow until Sunday, then it's one week until the wedding. It's a work-won trip, and I'm taking the fiance with us (he works with me, so we'll know everyone there - it's a big business reward trip so there is some meeting-type stuff, but mostly - relaxing!!), I think that will help A LOT. It's just been hard getting everything done in ONE week so it's all taken care of by the time I get back!!!!

We couldn't afford a super big, elaborate wedding, it's still a normal buffet dinner, we had to do table assignments because he wanted to put a picture of us in a different place at each table, and tell people to sit at them according to the place (like "You're at Table: LAKE TAHOE") etc. It's cute, it was just a lot of extra last minute work that I had to do! Things like that.

We didn't even plan on having a next morning brunch, but his MIL insisted, and yes - she's paying for it! I can't afford 35 brunch plates on top of the rest of the wedding! His parents are pretty weathy and have been very generous with their help, so I feel a little obligated to help however I can. (They're covering the rehearsal dinner, and the photographer as our wedding gift.. wow! And now brunch). It's just unfortunate that I've been kind of stuck planning these extra things. I know this will pass, I'm just SO worn out at this point!

I really, really appreciate the kind words and understanding. I'm very excited for the day and to be married to this guy, I just want to wring his neck sometimes when I'm always seemingly stuck doing "mom" duty for him right now I'm sure you all know how it is. Thankfully my mom has been very, VERY helpful in a non-pushy way. She just says "tell me what you need, and I'll do it for you." Works for me!!

Anyway, I'll take the advice here. Try to focus on the good - but I am aware of all of it, it's just so many details to handle all at once!!

Fingers crossed, I'm heading to Cabo in the morning tomorrow and I can't WAIT to just sip a tequila sunrise by the pool for .. 4 days :P

Hugs to you all, you're my sanity checkers!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
tonsillitis that keeps coming back, any advice? georgiam90 Ear, Nose & Throat 6 11-16-2009 09:44 AM
Stage 3b Cervical Cancer day by day(advice) Katherine19 Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian 3 09-06-2008 02:58 PM
Stressed out..need advice please. worriedscott15 Herpes 5 09-06-2007 04:57 PM
Am i really stressed? OoKellyoO Anxiety 2 11-14-2005 09:41 AM
I'm so stressed about us and if i can get in trouble... please give advice!!! Fast-Low-N-Loud Sexual Health - Teens 20 07-04-2005 10:39 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:35 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!