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Old 10-03-2006, 12:22 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: denver, colorado
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mommypynk HB User
Am I Crazy????????

i had been with my boyfriend for two years,(i know thats not long,but humor me for just a minute). anyways, after 2 years of cleaning up after him and fallowing him state to state-house to house, even having his daughter...i did everything he asked of me... the only thing he complained about most often was me not having a job..but i cant cook,clean, work and care for a baby all at once...even working full time i wouldnt be able to afford good child care, and he wouldnt help me pay for that... my point being, is with all of the things we have been threw, and all of the things i had to "deal" with, he tells me last night that im ugly, fat, stupid, and worthless. that the only reason he had been sleeping with me recently is so he didnt have to pay for a babysitter. and the only reason he tollerated and was nice to me for so long is it was habbit because we had been together for "soooo" long. i dont get what i did that was so terrible. i wanted a good relationship, i wanted my daughter to have a nice, drug free life. and i didnt want people disrespecting my one year old daughter. ok i cant really think right now....i just dont understand how you can love someone so much who acts like they hate you equally. no respect for their own child..no respect for the one person who supported most of his discissions, had his child, loved him even with all of his flaws, nobody is perfect and i know i am far from. but i know this break up is for the best i just cant convince my heart.....love really sucks.........for me..there is just too much that went on to just write it all down. sorry to babble i just cant think right now. but if you have anything to say id like to hear it...and any questions, i will be more than happy to answer.....thanx....mandy.

 
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Old 10-03-2006, 03:02 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
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barton93 HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

Wow.........this guy has no respect for you. He has the nerve to tell you that he is only sleeping with you so that he wouldn't have to pay a babsitter. Well, if you ever decide to leave him.........tell him you are doing it so that you can have some more free time (since you won't be caring for him) to get a job and then he can pay child support in addition to half of babysitter costs. He'll regret saying all of those horrible things to you when you take him to the bank! He'd be paying for more than a babysitter then and on top of that not getting sex! How miserable would his life be!

 
Old 10-03-2006, 06:20 AM   #3
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tnmomofive HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

The things he said to you were just nasty and cruel.Hearing my man talk to me that way would make my love for him turn into hate and disgust.barton is right he would pay way more seperated from you I believe id make him pay it id laugh all the way to the bank.I just don't think I could ever forgive for the things he said,if it were me,thats abusive.Why is your thread titled "am I crazy?" Hun you are not crazy he is the one with the issues and he does'nt care for you so I really hope you rid of him and show him he only THOUGHT hed be paying a sitter alot but now hes stuck with forking out much more.Ugh I cannot believe he had the nerve to say those things to you and do not believe that garbage you are certainly not worthless I bet your daughter does'nt think that about you at all.

Last edited by tnmomofive; 10-03-2006 at 06:25 AM.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 08:17 AM   #4
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Location: UK
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messee84 HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

By the sounds of it he's the stupid and worthless one here. You've got to get out of this relationship, he's bullying you and you do not have to put up with it. You are far better than him.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 08:39 AM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 402
alleycat2 HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

You did everything you could to make things work and make him happy and the only thing you did wrong was not think of yourself 1st! You have carried this guy and babied him and he just took from you. If anyone is worthless it's him! You did have a full time job it was taking care of him, the house and your child. This guy does not deserve you and he won't admit it but he knows it. Get out and start your own life with your daughter! You two don't need someone like that dragging you down. You are a great caring person from what I have read and you deserve to be happy too! You may feel sad at 1st and worry that your daughter will be without her dad but answer me this.. Is it better for you to stay, be treated bad and have your daughter know that and think his treatment of you is how women are too be treated or get out and make a good life for yourself and not put up with men's mistreatment? You have to be a roll model for your daughter now, don't worry about what he wants.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 08:43 AM   #6
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JBravo223 HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

Yeah it sounds like it is time for you to cut your losses now. If he says those things he does not love you. That is not love no matter how you look at it. A real man would not talk to his woman like that. Don't walk but RUN !!!

 
Old 10-03-2006, 10:48 AM   #7
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: denver, colorado
Posts: 46
mommypynk HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

well i left the house and we are no longer together, and i plan to take a trip with my daughter to give me some sanity... i just dont really know how to go about child support, custody, or a restraining order all of those things cost way to much and i am in search of a job... so right now i feel helpless. i dont know what to do untill i can afford all of this..right now i cant even afford diapers. i can probably get help with diapers and food for my daughter until i findwork. he doesnt even seem to care that we are not together and i think this is what is hurting me the most. he has been calling me like every chance he gets just to say something about our daughter, wanting to talk to her, asking if i am going to his house for any of my things. he knows im still stuck...i have no car, no job. no means at all right now. and what makes this a little terrifying to me is if i leave without my daughter im worried he will come and get her. my mothers house it 4 blocks from where he works. come to think of it i got him the job there........i am soooo lost... all of his bills are in my name and i cant transfer them without his social. i feel like in a way no matter what i do right now he owns me...and i hate that feeling..i just want to be free from him. well, i have to go for now but i will be back soon to fill you in some more and i really appreciate the feedback, its nice to know im not nuts. thanks so much...mandy.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 02:18 PM   #8
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barton93 HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommypynk
well i left the house and we are no longer together, and i plan to take a trip with my daughter to give me some sanity... i just dont really know how to go about child support, custody, or a restraining order all of those things cost way to much and i am in search of a job... so right now i feel helpless. i dont know what to do untill i can afford all of this..right now i cant even afford diapers. i can probably get help with diapers and food for my daughter until i findwork. he doesnt even seem to care that we are not together and i think this is what is hurting me the most. he has been calling me like every chance he gets just to say something about our daughter, wanting to talk to her, asking if i am going to his house for any of my things. he knows im still stuck...i have no car, no job. no means at all right now. and what makes this a little terrifying to me is if i leave without my daughter im worried he will come and get her. my mothers house it 4 blocks from where he works. come to think of it i got him the job there........i am soooo lost... all of his bills are in my name and i cant transfer them without his social. i feel like in a way no matter what i do right now he owns me...and i hate that feeling..i just want to be free from him. well, i have to go for now but i will be back soon to fill you in some more and i really appreciate the feedback, its nice to know im not nuts. thanks so much...mandy.
Mandy..........well you have taken the first step. It may be hard, but you deserve so much better. I've never been in this situation myself, however I know a few who have been. Check with your county and see what type of assistance they offer for someone in your position. Usually, they all offer some type of program for discounted foods, etc for low income/no income households with children. Are you going to be staying at your mothers? I would also see an attorney to discuss child support, your bills........maybe something could be done legally to get your name off of his bills. You may even be lucky enough to find an attorney willing to offer services at a discounted rate due to your financial situation.

I wish you and your daughter the best. Stay strong. You'll get through this and in the end, you'll find that you make the right decision. Keep us posted.......these boards are a wonderful support system for everyone. So, don't hesitate to open up and discuss your feelings cause I think I can speak for everyone when I say we're all here for you. Best wishes.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 05:43 PM   #9
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: denver, colorado
Posts: 46
mommypynk HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

i am really comforted by all of the feedback....makes me feel good in my discissions, that someone understands where im coming from and im not the only one who thinks finally im making the right discissions for me and my daughter...im not even really worried about me right now, more worried about how all of this will effect my daughter. i know what i have to do in my mind to give her a good life, but will she see that when she is older? is she going to understand that i didnt do any of this to hurt her? is my ex going to realize that i did what i did more for her than me? is he ever going to grow up? just so many questions and not enough answers...and what is really sad is i have made myself numb, as numb as possible right now, and i dont know if that is going to end up hurting me in the long run. i just feel like i faught so hard to love someone and faught so hard for their love and failed, what do you do after something like that? with all of the obvious features what do you do mentally to prepaire yourself for another possible let down in the future. or even just to heal the right now. i cant write anymore right now, i need a little mental break. i will be back in here soon though. and again i really do appreciate all of the feed back.......it really does make me feel better......thanx, mandy

 
Old 10-03-2006, 06:00 PM   #10
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Posts: 2,105
tnmomofive HB User
Re: Am I Crazy????????

mommy your daughter will understand yes because you are a good mother she will get it!As far as worrying about if your next relationship with a man wont work well try not to worry about that right now.I would'nt worry about that I think I would just focus on finding a job,getting my divorce,getting on my feet,and doing things with my daughter.
I think every county has free/low cost divorce lawyers? I would deffnitely go to social services and apply for any and all help I could recieve right now.
This all easy for me to type because I have'nt ever been in your shoes.I am just thinking these are the things I would do in your situation.You can do this and things will be alright.Lean on your family and friends for support

 
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