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Old 10-03-2006, 06:50 AM   #1
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daex HB User
I miss her...

Well to begin, I broke up with ex-girlfriend beginning of this year. It has been quite a few months since then, and for the past months I've been fine. I have enjoyed my single life, I have made new friends and though I did still think about my ex durring these times, it never really bothered me too much. I was open to the idea of dating again, flirted with a few women, but for the past 4 days or so I can not stop thinking about my ex and it is killing me inside. I guess this new feeling came about after finding out that she has moved on. I always had it in the back of my mind that she should and probably did move on and I was ok with that. In fact I was happy for her, but I guess since I know now that she has actually moved on, it kills me. I don't know if I broke up with her for the right reasons. My family is very important to me and their perception of her was never really great. The kept telling me that she isn't the one. Now to be honest with everyone, we were quite different, but oppisites to attrack. Were there things I wanted to see different in her, yes, but I still loved her for her. It made me upset that my family didn't take to her. I wanted a family that loved her as much as I did. Anyhow, we were dating for quite a number of years before I dicided we should call it quits. But as I said before I don't know if I made the right decision for the right reasons. After a number of months of not talking to her or not physically seeing her, I have had this undieing erge to call her or even email her. If I could, I would even go see her, but I am worried that she would flip me the bird and say, I have found someone else. I didn't mind if she was in someone elses arms, but lately, I can't even phathem the idea as it hurts to much. I don't know if this is a phase that I am going through or perhaps knowing that she has moved on made me realize that my decision was perhaps ill-managed. She was my best friend, and so to have this lumming over my head and not have someone else to bounce this off of makes it even harder. Rarely do I feel sick when I am this emotional about something, so is this telling me something? What do you guys and gals make of this? Any opionions? My thinking was to give it a couple of weeks and if I still feel this way, email her and let her know.

P.S. Just a reminder, I did the breaking up, I created the pain that both she felt and I am feeling now. I don't know if the pain that I had caused her should be revisited, or if she will ever forgive me?

Thanks for listeing
Daex

 
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Old 10-03-2006, 08:08 AM   #2
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messee84 HB User
Re: I miss her...

I think you are bound to have times when you think about your ex so don't take these few bad days as an indication that you still love her. I think it has been difficult to hear she has moved on so you have been over focusing on it but it's natural sometimes I still feel a bit gutted when I think about an ex. You must have felt good reason to break up in the first place so try remid yourself of those things...it must have been a pretty big deal that she didn't get on with your family etc.

It's prob not a gd idea to call her, she's in a new relationship and I don't think it's fair to put all this on her. What good can come of it? How likely is it that she will come running back to u? And even if she did mayb in a month or two you'd remember why you had to finish it in the first place?

 
Old 10-03-2006, 08:17 AM   #3
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Re: I miss her...

True enough, that is what I was thinking. That is why I have told myself that if I did still feel this way two weeks from now, then I might contact her. I think email might be best. The thing that through me for a loop was that for months now I thought about her, but it didn't bother me at all. But when I realized that she is on the dating scene again, and I don't know or think that she is with one guy at this point, it just kills me to think it, or believe that it is true. I have tried for the past few days to do what you have mentioned, remember the bad times with her. Problem is, I really can't remember the bad times. I know there were times when we argued, but what relationship didn't have that? I would like her to get a long with my family, and it has been tried, but never successful. By the way I don't think that I mentioned that we have been dating for quite some time. Not like it was a one or two year relationship. My mind is just racing...

 
Old 10-03-2006, 08:32 AM   #4
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JBravo223 HB User
Re: I miss her...

Dude, I can understand how you feel but don't be selfish and call her. She has moved on. After my ex broke up with me she always managed to call me when I was starting to get over her. That only set me back a few months and it was torture. Don't do that to this girl...

 
Old 10-03-2006, 10:28 AM   #5
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daex HB User
Re: I miss her...

The funny thing is I know your right. I know right now this is just an emotional rollercoaster that I am going through. I guess it is just because when we left it, I acted so immaturely and might have said a few things I didn't mean. She mentioned that it is now up to me if I wanted to do anything with the relationship in the future and now I am considering that offer. It's one of these things that you just wanna say "one more go". I have been on one date since the break up, and I still compare everyone to her. Yicks..

 
Old 10-03-2006, 11:35 AM   #6
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JBravo223 HB User
Re: I miss her...

Dide that is the problem. You have not moved on. I am willing to bet that if you try and get back with her she will say no. She already has someone else in her life, has feelings for him, and probably has been intimate with him. Your relationship will never be the same. I say let it go and move on, for your own sake.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 11:51 AM   #7
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ksammon HB User
Re: I miss her...

hello

i don't want to be mean or rude
but maybe you want something you can't have ?
you want something you lose and want back ?

now don't think i don't feel for you i just broke up with my b/f a month ago
he broke up with me .,....
and alot of the times what i feel for him is hate and sadness
now with that said half of me wants to get back with him and the other half of me wants him to go to hell
a few days ago he called me told me about some girl at work that he's ''friends'' with ...
and you know what i felt i wanted to get back with him
as in i want what i had / can't have ?!
so you might feel the same way ?! how do you think she felt when you where dating other girls ? its okie for you to date but not her ?
sorry for lashing out on you !!! i'm just being a hater

and about calling her what happen if things go wrong and you say something you don't mean ?!
and you can never be civil to each other
i would hold up on calling her maybe for a few weeks if you still feel the same

 
Old 10-03-2006, 05:30 PM   #8
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Iwant2quit HB User
Re: I miss her...

All I can give advice on this is:

I went throught the same thing about 2 years ago! I broke up with my b/f and we was split up for 7 mths. I knew I wanted it and I knew we would never work, after 16 years. We have 3 kids together and all that. When I broke up with him it was on the terms we might get back together (deep down I did that to save his heart) Then 1 month later he was dating a chic and talking to several others (he told me and I knew they was facts/friends). It hurt me to know he moved so quickly and I dealt with it for some time. He was still always there for ME! He would always answer my calls etc and talk to me like he loved me. It still hurt that he was with someone else. We ended up back together and I AGAIN remember what it was that I didn't like about being with him! It hurts, now I have to go through the HURT ALL AGAIN! I don't suggest you do that to yourself! You can find someone that doesn't come with all the drama of a relationship! I am hopefully going to take my own advice, I guarantee you that if we split again, I won't go back for the heartache, which it is totally looking towards that. So I will be here for you, and I feel for any man as I know all men are not the same, but I sure do feel that most men don't really feel the women, and men need to get into touch with the womans heart!

 
Old 10-03-2006, 06:22 PM   #9
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jessica129 HB User
Re: I miss her...

I've been on the recieving end of this 'behavior' for the last year now and I don't wish it on anyone.

I can't count the number of times my ex has broken up with me, seen that i had moved on, and came crawling back. It's complete and utter torture to do this to someone. Everytime he said he was 'done' I took him seriously and then a few days later, he'd sweet talk his way back...all the while dragging me along an emotional rollercoaster. It's very unfair to someone to break up with them and only want them back because they've 'moved on'. You should honestly think of the consequences fully before you break things off and accept that they WILL move on. This last time my ex did this to me, it's the absolute end. I can't help but think it's selfish to toy with someones emotions.

Before you contact your ex, please, please think it through and decide for sure it's something you want. If you two did make up and a month down the line, would you still want to be with her? Would you still notice all her special qualites and would that be enough to sustain the relationship? There's usually a good reason why things were broken off in the first place.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 07:30 PM   #10
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daex HB User
Re: I miss her...

Jessica, I can't agree with you more. Even though I am going through this about 9 months down the road from our breakup, I know that if, on the odd chance, we did get back, I would ask her to marry me. I will go to a relationship therapist if I had to. I just need to make sure that I am going to do this for the right reasons. I can admit it, I am a very emotional guy, and to find out how much I did hurt her and how I should have done things differently kills me inside. I have to honestly say that 50% of the decision was mine and 50% of the decision was based on my family's constant badgering. I have been on a date with someone else, but I think that the reason why I am not actively persueing others is because I might have lost the best thing I had. For the past 4-5 days I can't stop thinking about this, but you all are helping me through this, and for that I have to thank all of you. I still have a bunch of things that are reminders of her, e.g. pictures, and I keep them around to remind me of what I had. I don't want to hurt her again. I feel that I can commit to making sure she is happy, though I think at this point it will have to be a two way street, something we both have to work on. I know that she has many faults as do I, but I want to get all the help we can possibly get to work things out. I guess I have to also let you know that over the period of our dating I noticed that she had changed and not for the better. I feel that I am to blame for this. We are COMPLETE oppisites and many of her old friends did not like her for dating someone like me. She put on a lot of weight and I noticed that her self esteem went down. Now the weight factor never bother me, it was who she was that I fell in love with. But I can't stop thinking that she might be better off without me because I might have done that too her. Ahh, this brain of mine keeps fighting with this heart....Why can't we all just get along...lol

 
Old 10-04-2006, 02:30 PM   #11
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daex HB User
Unhappy Re: I miss her...

I just wanted to clarify something I said in the above post. When I mentioned that I would be willing to marry her, I didn't mean it lightly. I see it as a game of poker, you're either all in, or not. Just wanted to mention this so no one thinks that I am trying to play a game here.

daex

Last edited by daex; 10-04-2006 at 03:10 PM.

 
Old 10-04-2006, 08:20 PM   #12
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Question Re: I miss her...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ksammon
and you know what i felt i wanted to get back with him
as in i want what i had / can't have ?!
so you might feel the same way ?! how do you think she felt when you where dating other girls ? its okie for you to date but not her ?
Hey Ksammon,

Sorry I didn't mean for you to take it that it is ok for me to date but not her. I did go on a date with this one person, but I noticed that I started comparing this new girl to my ex. Needless to say, that lasted a whole one date. I also guess what bothers me is that she started dating soon there after we broke up. We were dating for 7 years and even I needed a good 6 months or so before I went on another date. I just hope she didn't do it for the wrong reasons. I guess what also bug me is that I know deep down I am a good person who is quite emotional over various things, but though I am a guy, I tough it out. I acted in such a way that is so not me when I broke up with her. She thinks I was seeing some else and that is why I broke up with her. The truth is, I never was, I don't cheat nor did I even have the desire to look elsewhere. I was just under a tremendous amount of pressure, the family was pushing me to break it off, and I just wasn't in a good mood for quite some time. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't feel that I was myself when I broke it off, like it was somone else talking to her. For almost 9 months, her dating someone else, I never thought it would bother me, but it did. And by the way, she didn't know that I went on the one date, I think she might be lashing out because she feels that that is why the relationship went south. Its funny, I know long distance relationship rarely work, but I know that I am not a quiter either.

 
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