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Old 10-04-2006, 07:46 AM   #1
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gaylad HB User
Unhappy Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

Just over a year ago my BF of 3 years ended our relationship. We had not been communicating very well towards the end but I had no idea it was coming. He literally packed up and moved out on day whilst I was at work. To this day he hasn't given me a reason, saying there was no one particular thing.

A year on so much has happened but he is now seeing someone else. A couple of days ago I met his new BF and we spoke for over 5 hours about a lot of things (we met for a valid enough reason but it's a bit of a long story). It transpires that my ex has told his new BF some very personal things about our relationship but changed them slightly showing me in a very negative light. He has also lied about the things he had told me in our relationship, saying he has only ever told his new BF. The entire time we have been apart he has told me he still cares about me and wants us to be friends.

His new BF said he was going to confront him about the lies and he clearly wasn't pleased. I received a call and a subsequent e-mail from my ex saying how disappointed he was that I had abused his trust and shared details about our past. It was obvious he was not impressed. I did not reply.

This morning I got a text from his new BF saying they have worked things through and are ok. I am however now completely lost. I don't know what to believe - if my ex did genuinely tell these lies about me it has made me question what he has ever felt about me. It feels like the whole 3 years was not real and it feels like when he first left. He has today blocked me on MSN and I haven't heard anything from him.

I am feeling so many emotions but mainly a lot of anger towards him for what he has said about me and a lot of upset at the fact that he thinks so little of me. A big part is also still questioning could he really say what he supposedly has?!

I know I should let go and move on but I just cannot comprehend how to do this. I am very close to his entire family and only moved in to the area where I live when I started seeing him. My whole life is geared towards him and I do not really have anyone I can speak to about things. I miss our relationship so much but now have the doubt in my mind of whether it was real or not.

I'm sorry this has been so long but I am really at a loss as to how to move on. It's affecting my work, I'm not really eating because I feel sick in the stomach all the time, and my confidence has dropped through the floor.

If anyone has any advice please please post it - it will be much appreciated.

 
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Old 10-04-2006, 08:04 AM   #2
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mommypynk HB User
Re: Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

i dont really know if i have any room to speak, being as i am in the middle of a pretty recent break up. i havent eaten anything in the last five days now and have slept very little. but i would say not to listen to anything an ex's new partner has to say, or at least dont believe everything.. alot of truth gets pulled. the most recent partner to an ex(even if they have been your friend for a million years) is still going to be the one person you should kind of hold your tongue around, just because the things you tell them are never ment the way they get back to some one else. anyway, to move on i dont have a whole lot of ideas, i would say just try to keep yourself occupied for a while. try a new hobbie...sorry i couldnt be of much help, but when i figure out how to get over a partner you will be the first person i tell......

 
Old 10-04-2006, 12:27 PM   #3
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

I don't think that you need to listen to his new bf, or talk to anyone about him. I know it is tempting to want to share our precious memories, or to talk about someone special, but not to someone who won't be of any help to you anyway.

so stop worrying, what he did was worse but he seems to still give himself the right to tell you what is shocking and what is not. Find yourself a decent partner, who will love you for what you are and not play mind games with you. Get over him. You CAN.

 
Old 10-04-2006, 12:56 PM   #4
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

You are going to have to let it go. Besides, did you really think your ex would say nice things about you to his new BF? He probably felt the need to make himself look like the good guy and you the bad guy.
He's an ex for a reason - Leave him in the past.

 
Old 10-05-2006, 02:20 AM   #5
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gaylad HB User
Re: Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by susieq0726
You are going to have to let it go. Besides, did you really think your ex would say nice things about you to his new BF? He probably felt the need to make himself look like the good guy and you the bad guy.
He's an ex for a reason - Leave him in the past.
Guess it has just been a harsh lesson to learn. Last night I seemed to reach a level of acceptance in a way. Think that the positive thing that has come out of it is that I have begun to feel an emotion that will help me move forward - anger. Until now I have never really felt angry towards my ex and have always ended up just feelign upset. Now the upset is getting overidden with the anger so I'm actually moving on not just sitting there getting upset.

Will probably go through 5,983,232 other emotions this week but it feels like I've made a step forward at last.

 
Old 10-06-2006, 09:53 AM   #6
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brook65 HB User
Re: Can't move on from past relationship - 1 yr on :(

gaylad - just a thought, but he ended things with you, right? he didn't do the decent thing and speak to you about why he wanted out of the relationship, which being 3 years is a long time. He took the easy way out and left, without reason.

He has a new guy now, and obviously they will chat about their last partner. I personally think that maybe he didn't want to tell his new guy how he just got up and left you, because that would make him look bad in his new boyfriends eyes. So maybe he has put you in a negative light, to make him leaving you look justified! He may realise that telling this new guy the truth, may make his new boyfreind feel uncertain of him, and expect that he may do the same.

That could be the case. If this is the case, then it has backfired on him, cause he probably didn't expect his now boyfriend to tell you what he told him in confidence.

Your better off out of it. good luck in finding someone nice

Last edited by brook65; 10-06-2006 at 09:55 AM.

 
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