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-   -   We broke up, feel so lost (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/434630-we-broke-up-feel-so-lost.html)

messee84 10-05-2006 04:12 AM

We broke up, feel so lost
 
My guts feel like they've been ripped out...ok so we didnt hav an easy relationship but he just ended it on a whim from what I can see. We've been through some bad times in the 3 years we were together so how he could just end it in a phone call without even talking things over I just dont get it. He said he was sure it was the right things but how can he be when 2 days before he said he wanted us to work things out, 3 weeks ago I was the girl of his dreams and right from the start he said im the girl he wants to marry...it just doesnt make sense. All my friends are sayin it sounds like he made such a quick decision so he'll prob change his mind again (not that I want him to cos he's broken my heart now) but id like to know there was a little doubt you know. The worst thing is he said he loved me when we hung up the phone...y do that?????? Im jus so confused.

3 years seems like such a long time to just chuck away- how can I get over this? I'm keeping busy, went out last night, goin dance class tonight and organising weekends with friends and things but im scared that when I finally stop being busy im just gonna break down. I feel like my life is in tatters, he was everythin and all my choices revolved around him- i dunno how to adjust to being on my own. Maybe he never really loved me...I mean if he loved me like i love him he'd have bust his butt trying to work things out instead he can throw that away cos he wants more freedom.

Any help/advice/opinions would be welcome cos right now I feel like total ****! :(

gaylad 10-05-2006 05:11 AM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
Hi there,

I really feel for you - I have been through the same thing in the last year. Not sure if they will be of help but here are the posts I put up:

[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=350135[/url]
[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?p=2588062#post2588062[/url]

I truly hope things work out for you and you are happy again soon. It is an awful thign to experience, but you will come out the other side of it a better person.

mismax 10-05-2006 05:39 AM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
I know how you feel. Please believe me when I say you will be just fine. My ex and I were together six and a half years and just like you out of the blue he ended it on the phone! No reason or anything given. Just wanted out. I haven't spoken or seen him since and in reality this is the happiest I have been in a long time. You can read my threads. I received a lot of amazing advice and encouragement from these boards. With time you will be able to gain the clarity to see this for what it is. Keep yourself busy, but also allow yourself time to grieve. If you feel like crying, cry...just take the time to heal and learn from this relationship. Always here if you need someone to talk to! Take care.

daex 10-05-2006 07:02 AM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
Well I feel that I can give some advice here for you as I was the person who did the breaking up and did it in a similiar situation. When I did it, I was in a point in my life where stress was overwhelming me, family was pressuring me to break up, and plain and simple, I was just in a bad mood for quite some time. I think you are doing the right thing by working trough this time in your life by keeping yourself busy and by talking about your issues. I broke up with my ex a while back, beginning of this year, and I now realize what I needed was some space from her, my family not badgering me any more and to get over the stressful time in my life to really understand what I wanted. Perhaps this is what he is going through. Usually when a guy breaks up his girlfriend "on a whim", it is because other factors are affecting him right now. He just needs time to be who he is to figure things out for himself. If he is a genuine guy, and yes I know right now you probably don't think so, but if you look beyond that, he just needs to be himself. I personally think that perhaps he was a little shakin' up with the idea that he has found the one that he'll marry. Many of my friends broke up with their girlfriends prior to takin' that big leap. I probably won't be the first to admit it, but guys do get scared and we do run. We are not the brightest people in the world when it comes to certain things and we do react unrationally. All I can say, and I will say it again, give him some time to get his ****** together, and perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to keep yourself busy like you have been and in time, when both of you are feeling better you'll or he'll do one of two things a) let the relationship go or b) fight for what you believe in. But remember that the decision is yours and the ONLY person that has to live with it is you.

I don't know if this will help you, but I have been posting my thoughts and feelings on this board until "I miss her...". This might give you a guys point of view. Listen I don't know if anything of what I said helps or makes you understand what we guys think, but I think you might already know what you should be doing, just go out their and do it. I truely do hope, with everything I have, that you are feeling better, we are all here for you and will be here for you every step of the way. It has helped Kerry and I am sure it will help you too.:)

lady346 10-05-2006 05:01 PM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
I was in the same exact place as you nearly a year ago...and it feels a lot shorter than that. And I am fine, living a great life and actually having more fun than I ever had with my ex. You can look up my past threads too (I also wrote some under the name Lals49). You might be able to identify with a lot of my feelings, and i got some amazing advice that may help you, too. I didnt believe it when people told me that Id get over it. I didnt believe it AT ALL!!...I thought it was a lot of nice, inspirational babble that people say when one goes through a tough time. But the amazing thing is, you really do. The worst part is the first bit...b/c you go through withdrawal, a lot of emotions, and a lot of pain. But eventually, you start realizing that you dont have as much pain, and, little by little, you lose the pain completely and instead you gain greater trust and confidence in yourself b/c you realize that you are fine without him...and a stronger, more intelligent person at that!

What I do know for sure right now is how you are feeling, and it pains me to remember how that is. I would really suggest not talking to him, but I couldnt help it and I really tried to get answers from my ex...which got ugly, b/c he broke up with me out of nowhere, but then dragged the breakup out for a long time until I found out he had another girlfriend (Im not in any way saying that is your ex's situation). But in reality, even answers dont help. Its really hard when someone breaks up with you on a whim, but no matter how much you want to know why, you probably will never know. I tortured myself for quite a long time wondering 'why?'. Im at the point where I do things for ME now. Everything i did before ALWAYS had him in mind...and thats just not right. Ive accomplished and seen more in this past year than I ever saw with him/would have seen had I stayed with him. I know right now that all of this is hard to believe, but I can guarantee that, over time, you will get to the point where you look back and smile in relief. Because you will realize that no guy that is the one for you will ever be able to walk away from you just on a whim.
Make sure to keep yourself busy and put all of your energy into your friends...times like these make you realize how important they really are. Also, I got a lot of counseling for awhile which helped me stop obsessing and helped with the depression I was in...so you might want to look into that too just to have a support system if needed. And keep posting if you need to, these boards really do help. :)

messee84 10-07-2006 03:16 AM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
Thanks so much for your comments. It's been 4 days and i've managed not to text/call him. Been tempted to email to see if he wants his stuff back but freaked out that he might not reply so til i can handle that idea I'm not gonna do it.

I think the hardest thing at this point is just not knowing what he's goin thru...does he even care, is he sad, does he miss me?? I mean knowing him for 3 years I doubt he could just switch off from me but I also know how gd guys r at avoidin their feelings and it hurts to think he's not going thru any pain. It's also hard to get used to not knowing what he's doing...I imagine him out every night without a care for me...maybe he's just really enjoying his freedom. Is it wrong for me to wish he was just sat in his room crying??!!

I think he may also have blocked me on msn which is wierd cos i havent tried speakin to him so thers no reason...I no Im over analysing things but head is so full of crap right now. So general concensus is I shouldn't contact him? I don't want to never speak to him again and he said the same when we broke up...but who can make the first move and when??? I feel it should be him but I know he'll be feelin awkward and not knowing what to say.

Thanks again for helping me out

messee84 10-08-2006 10:40 AM

Re: We broke up, feel so lost
 
I just need to get some of my thoughts out cos today has been a thoughtful day. I feel more hurt by things he said on the phone now, as I keep thinkin bout them. Particularly I asked him how he could be breaking up with me when only weeks before we'd been speaking bout gettin married so how could it change so much and he answered 'you know I was never really serious bout marriage and stuff'. Well actually no I didnt no that, while I knew we werent exactly settin a date or anything I always thougt he was quite serious bout it. So thats been gettin to me...and its also been goin thru my mind how much it'll kill me if he was to meet someone else soon. My instincts tell me this wont happen cos his whole reason for breakin it off was not wanting to have to consider someone else anymore and hav more freedom. But whats worse is thinkin bout ever havin to move on myself. It makes my skin crawl, I just want to b wiv him.

I wish I knew how he was handling it.


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