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Old 10-05-2006, 05:21 PM   #1
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solid vessel HB User
is this relationship healthy?

me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years since she was 14 and i was 16 she is now 19 and i am 21.everything was great until she started tellin me that she wants to see other people while still being with me.her reason is that she does not want to lose me but wants to see what others or like because i took her virginity and basically all she has known is me.anyways i said it was either me or them and as a result as soon as she began working she began messing around with guys and even told me she doesnt wanna be with me anymore because i dont dress a certain way or i dont have what the suit and tie guys have at her job (she then tells me she realises she loves me and that doesnt matter to her anymore, but i know she does not mean it). she has never really cheated to say have sex or anything but she has talked to guys on the phone and flirts around and stuff and i can basically see the countdown to her cheating on me. she treats me like crap now but it isnt easy to let go. she lies alot and at least every month she does something that makes me trust her less.
i'm really confused and i dont know what to do and i'm really depressed. please give any advice that u think will be helpful to me

 
Old 10-05-2006, 11:03 PM   #2
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CyberNick HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

She sounds like a real piece of work .

I know it's hard to let go when you've been together for so long, and most of what you know about relationships is with her. But if you let things go on like this, she will cheat on you and I can guarantee you that 100%. She's already manipulating you and trying to keep you around on a short leash while she does what she wants with other guys. She tells you she wants to see other people, and when you make her choose she reluctantly chooses you while still openly flirting with other men. She berates you with hurtful comments about how other guys at her work are better than you, and then when you think about leaving she coaxes you back by saying how much she really loves you and wants to be with you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I can understand her feelings about wanting to see other people. I mean, she's been with you since 14 years of age. But she could be a little more tactful about breaking things off with you. She's ultimately trying to see how far she can push you before you end things with her, and the way things are now she pretty much feels that she has you wrapped around her little finger.

The faster you get out of this relationship, the easier it will be on you.

 
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Old 10-06-2006, 04:40 AM   #3
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solid vessel HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

hmmm...piece of work ?...haha..a masterpiece

but it seems that she is attracted to jerks. she knows that i am faithful and treat her good so i think she is just around because of those reasons because the guys she are interested in are the type who treat their women like dirt and cheat on them. she knows they only want to have sex with her but she does not seem to mind. she was talking to this one guy and i found it amazing that she told me he asked her for sex. and they never even talked to each other that much. she doesnt even know the guy and she wasnt the least offended but the least thing i say even if i am joking she gets angry and says hurtful things to me. dont get me wrong. i am not a wimp or anything i had girls before her and had fun with other girls but i have been faithful to her since i been with her.some of the guys who she messes with after they see how easily they have gotten into her mind go around tellin people she how stupid she is and they could have her anytime she wants and yet she doesnt seem to be offended. i dont get it, is there a single woman on the planet earth that appreciates a honest handsome, hardworking, faithful man or do you all just want jerks who treat u like crap and just want u for sex?

 
Old 10-06-2006, 04:58 AM   #4
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brook65 HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

NO - don't think that way please, we are not all like that, the same as not all men are jerks, people are people, different.

I would say she has got you, the nice, kind, understanding, ever faithful boyfreind. Like a puppy dog, always there for her, always adoring.

She is obviously bored with that, and now wants what she sees as fun, and exzitement! but believe me, she will regret that big time, once you get fed up of her advances towards other men without respecting your feelings, and end with her.

I can understand that at 14 to stay with someone for 4 years is an awful long time for someone of that age. At 14 2 weeks is normally thought of as a long term relationship. So I can understand how she would feel she wants to date around abit and have fun etc. She is basically to young to settle at the moment. But having said that, she is going about it in a very tactless hurtful way.

I would retain your dignity, and let her go, cause like Cybernick said, she will probably cheat, and you won't be able to trust her now hereon.

Good luck

Last edited by brook65; 10-06-2006 at 04:59 AM.

 
Old 10-06-2006, 06:23 AM   #5
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

Solid, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Yes, this is an unhealthy relationship, IMO, and it's time for you to move on, like a previous poster said, with dignity.

I know you must feel bitter and angry, but, believe me, not all women like jerks and bad boys. Some are really attracted to nice guys, guys who treat women with respect and don't play games.

It may be hard for you to realize at this point in your life, but 14 is really a child. She's growing up and, unfortunately, this type of person is who she appears to be attracted to.

Cut your losses and find yourself a real woman -- not a little girl -- who appreciates you for the man you are.

 
Old 10-06-2006, 07:56 AM   #6
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jen52983 HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solid vessel
me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years since she was 14 and i was 16 she is now 19 and i am 21.everything was great until she started tellin me that she wants to see other people while still being with me.her reason is that she does not want to lose me but wants to see what others or like because i took her virginity and basically all she has known is me.anyways i said it was either me or them and as a result as soon as she began working she began messing around with guys and even told me she doesnt wanna be with me anymore because i dont dress a certain way or i dont have what the suit and tie guys have at her job (she then tells me she realises she loves me and that doesnt matter to her anymore, but i know she does not mean it). she has never really cheated to say have sex or anything but she has talked to guys on the phone and flirts around and stuff and i can basically see the countdown to her cheating on me. she treats me like crap now but it isnt easy to let go. she lies alot and at least every month she does something that makes me trust her less.
i'm really confused and i dont know what to do and i'm really depressed. please give any advice that u think will be helpful to me
I think you know what you should do, you just don't want to do it. It's never easy to let go of people we love and care about. We think they'll change back to who they were, or that we can better them.

You need to let her go. You shouldn't want to be with someone who treats you like that. You're only hurting yourself in the long run. It's hard, I know.. but let go, leave her. You'll find someone much more deserving of you... trust me.

Good Luck.

 
Old 10-06-2006, 12:20 PM   #7
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

It doesn't really matter how great of a guy you are. A lot of people, when they get to be that age, want to experience what is out there in the world. The thought of being tied to just one guy for the rest of her life is probably frightening, no matter who the guy is.

When you're young, you're still figuring out what it is you want to do with your life, and who you want to be. It is real easy, during that period, to grow out of a relationship or realize it just isn't what you want. Don't take it personally. She wants to spread her wings, and you can't keep clutching onto her.
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Old 10-06-2006, 04:16 PM   #8
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toddb HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

did you say you were 21? what i wouldn't give to go back there again with what i know now. of course of course. please. enjoy yourself. don't don't don't get mixed up and stay with this person. you might become more and more confused. right now its fresh and you are right in the midst of it. don't let it go and stay in and wish you decided to leave. what if you stayed with it. then ten years down the road you decide its over. and then it will be AWFULLY painful. let it go and get out now and breath in your wonderful youth.

 
Old 10-07-2006, 03:56 AM   #9
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Unhappy Re: is this relationship healthy?

i really do know i should let go. but she is all i know right now. i gave up all my friends.i stopped talking to other women so it is kinda hard to talk to them now. i gave up school to be with her. the other day we went out with my friend for my birthday and seeing we were with him all night i asked her to spend a couple minutes alone on my birthday and she cussed me out because she said she had to go home to season chicken for the next day. all i asked was that she spend like 15 minutes with me not to have sex or anything but just to be with me. she ranted and raved and said that if we all got what we wanted on our birthday then the world would be *** up. things like these let me know i should leave but my game is soooo not there anymore. i use to be a player and could get any woman i want but lately all i do is compare to her and i am kind of afraid of rejection and afraid that i will be treated the same way. i know i sound kind of lame for whining like this but i wasnt always this way. once upon a time i would jus get rid of the girl and scream NEXT!! i guess the fact that she tells me i'm worthless all the time and no one wants me has something to do with it

 
Old 10-08-2006, 02:51 AM   #10
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StormGirl HB User
Re: is this relationship healthy?

You know what the answer to your question is... you just are not ready to deal with it.

She has discovered the big world out there and wants to explore. Nothing wrong with that. What IS wrong, is that she wants to keep you in the background 'just in case' the grass isn't greener. She is playing a game with you, and frankly, is winning hands down. You're still there, she's free to test her options, and you're still believing her belittling of you and her crap behaviour. She is selfish, manipulative, and so so so immature. And no, she doesn't deserve any of the wonderful qualities you mentioned.

So, you've been out of the game for a while. You'll fall back into it pretty easy, believe me. You would be surprised the amount of girls that are much more mature and are looking for someone with all of your traits. You've given up alot for this relationship, but most of us do. They don't all work out. And when you find the REAL one for you, it will more than make up for the things you feel you've lost in the run up. You're young, can do anything you want. Don't let this girl beat you down. Have some pride. You know you have great qualities for some lucky girl. Let it go before it turns really nasty and you get really hurt. She wants to go, so let her. And don't go chasing after her. Move onto someone who is mature and can appreciate an adult relationship with you. Until you find her, go and have some fun. Cut loose and enjoy life... you never know who is around the corner.

I know it's hard to let go of your first 'love'. I was with mine for 4 years too before I had to make the hard decision. He wanted the same thing. So I let him go graciously and didn't turn back. I moved onto a wonderful guy, and realised what a blessing it was that my ex and I had broken up. Yeah we had good times, but it had run it's course and we were wanting different things. I have now been with my current partner for 8 years, and realise how much more 'real' this love is... opposed to my 'first' love. Don't drag it on and flog a dead horse. She loves all this new attention she is receiving, whether it's good or bad... and nothing you say will convince her it's not what she really needs. It will only make her more determined. And you shouldn't have to deal with that.

Part on good terms, wish her well in her pursuit of whatever she is looking for... and move onto a real woman. Have the confidence that you WILL find someone better, and you will thoroughly deserve her.

Best wishes to you.
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