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Old 10-07-2006, 09:15 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: norfolk
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mumofboys HB User
pregnant and confused

hi
I've been married for 7 years and have 2 boys.
My husband works long hours so i'm alone a lot and when he is home he shows me no love and attention even though i have kept trying.
For 5 months now I have been chatting for hours to a man online.
He makes me feel special, loved, wanted and beautiful.
He says he's in love with me and has never felt like this before which I can believe and I know I have strong feelings for him.
He is very genuine and honest.
We met for the first time last week and spent a lovely weekend together.
We had sex which I feel guilty about as I have never even though about cheating on my husband before.
The problem is that i have just found out I am pregnant which is a big shock.
I know it is my husbands due to the timing of my cycle.
This couldn't have come at a worse time really.
I just don't know what to do about the other man as i know this will be really upsetting for him.
I'm not sure whether to meet him and tell him or just wait and see how the pregnancy progresses (i'm only 4 weeks).
I don't know what this will mean for us but i don't really want him out of my life as he makes me happy.
i think it would be too hard for us to have a full blown affair as we both lead busy lives.
i'm confused and hormanal (not a good combination)
any advice would be really appreciated
thanks in advance.

 
Old 10-07-2006, 09:55 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 470
plasva HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

Hi,

I don't think you should tell this other man that you're pregnant. What would be better for you and your family is to work on your marriage, right? I know it seems like your husband doesn't care anymore, and he doesn't listen to you, so you need to make it clear to him how lonely and desperate you are, that you're pregnant, and want to "start over" with your marriage and make it better again.
I know you don't want to cut this other man out of your life, but do you really have a choice? You promised to work on your marriage "for better or worse," and with your growing family, you and your husband owe it to yourselves and the children to do that. Get all of your thoughts organized, write them down (what you feel is missing from the marriage, etc.), give the list to your husband, and talk and talk and talk.... Tell this other man it was nice to meet him, but you are married, and you have children, and you're going to go do what's best for your family. Yes, it's hard. It's not exciting. It's may take a ton of work and stress to get through to your husband. But don't you think it's what your family needs?

 
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Old 10-07-2006, 04:38 PM   #3
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
Posts: 224
brazilman HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by mumofboys
hi
I've been married for 7 years and have 2 boys.
My husband works long hours so i'm alone a lot and when he is home he shows me no love and attention even though i have kept trying.
For 5 months now I have been chatting for hours to a man online.
He makes me feel special, loved, wanted and beautiful.
He says he's in love with me and has never felt like this before which I can believe and I know I have strong feelings for him.
He is very genuine and honest.
We met for the first time last week and spent a lovely weekend together.
We had sex which I feel guilty about as I have never even though about cheating on my husband before.
The problem is that i have just found out I am pregnant which is a big shock.
I know it is my husbands due to the timing of my cycle.
This couldn't have come at a worse time really.
I just don't know what to do about the other man as i know this will be really upsetting for him.
I'm not sure whether to meet him and tell him or just wait and see how the pregnancy progresses (i'm only 4 weeks).
I don't know what this will mean for us but i don't really want him out of my life as he makes me happy.
i think it would be too hard for us to have a full blown affair as we both lead busy lives.
i'm confused and hormanal (not a good combination)
any advice would be really appreciated
thanks in advance.
Hello:

I don't know your age (or the age of the Internet guy), but it is quite clear to me that this was an adventure for both of you. Be grateful for it, for the happy moments. Now it is high time you moved on.

Knowing that you were married, he should have been more careful and thoughtful and less selfish. Didn't he propose to wear a condom or anything? And I also think - please don't take it amiss - that if you had sex with him without having taken preventive measures, you have run unnecessary risks.

Thanks Goodness, you are certain that the baby you are carrying is your husband's. But what if it weren't?

Having gotten pregnant from your husband tells me something. You say that your husband shows you no love and attention. Nevertheless, you two have sex together and probably orgasmic sex, since you are pregnant. This means that not everything is lost. I don't think you are going to bed with your husband just to fulfill your duty as a wife, are you?

I am sorry to say, but I think I agree with plamodiumovale. You are going to have a baby and it's important that he or she is a healthy baby. You'd be better to direct most of your thoughts to this baby now. This must be a priority. This is what it takes to be a woman: more often than not, your personal life must come in the second place, if you see what I mean. This is especially true when you are pregnant.

Lastly, even if you weren't pregnant, I think you should quit this lover, unless you were bold enough to break your marriage and follow him. Would he then accept you and your two kids?

Best to you. And take care.

JC

 
Old 10-08-2006, 02:22 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia!!
Posts: 880
StormGirl HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

JC, I know MANY ladies who have fallen pregnant and not due to 'orgasmic' sex... so that's a bit of a presumption. If she is not getting any other love or affection, it may be the only way for her to get SOME sort of emotion from her husband.

Otherwise, I agree. Pregnant or not, you have a decision to make. I don't know if you have brought up your issues with your husband, but if not, it's high time you did. Lay it on the line without attacking him. Be very specific about what it is you need from him, and be realistic about changing your relationship around. It will be hard work, and it also rests on your shoulders as well. Whilst you have been carrying on this affair, you have also been neglecting your marriage.

You don't need to tell this other guy you are pregnant. Just that you have thought over your situation and think it's best for your family if you end the affair and concentrate on your marriage. Cut him out completely, or else the temptation will always be there and you will only half heartedly work on your marriage thinking there is something else out there waiting for you. But what is it really? An exciting affair. That's all. You're both carried away in the excitement and newness. It's not serious, and you can't take his 'promises' and devotions at face value. Has he shared day to day life with you? Has he been through ups and downs with you and lived through the days that the honeymoon has worn off? No, and until he has, it's nothing more than exciting sex.

I've seen internet 'romances' ruin many marriages.

Devote your efforts into your marriage. It will be hard work for both of you, but it will be worth it. And despite the fact that you seem to blame your husband for the problems, surely there is something more that you could be doing to help him to change things around as well. If you can't see a future with your marriage though, at least be fair and leave knowing that you tried... but for goodness sakes don't do it for an internet romance. You may be in for a rather nasty wake up.
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StormGirl

 
Old 10-08-2006, 03:43 AM   #5
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
Posts: 224
brazilman HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

Very good post, Stormgirl. I endorse it.

Quoting Stormgirl: << JC, I know MANY ladies who have fallen pregnant and not due to 'orgasmic' sex... so that's a bit of a presumption. If she is not getting any other love or affection, it may be the only way for her to get SOME sort of emotion from her husband.>>

Ok, you are right again. Maybe that was a bit of a presumption on my side (maybe because I am man), but I said "probably". I didn't assert that you can only fall pregnant if you have an orgasm. But I think a female's orgasm really makes conception easier.

Regards,

JC

 
Old 10-09-2006, 01:31 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia!!
Posts: 880
StormGirl HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josť Carlos
Maybe that was a bit of a presumption on my side (maybe because I am man), JC
Hehehe, I WAS going to say this tongue in cheek (it's a very male thing to say - but oh so funny ), but as I am unfamiliar with how you might take it I thought I would omit it... Now I see you have a good sense of humour, so I can let it rip!!!

You're pretty cool JC.

I think our posts were along the same lines. I think it's really easy to be caught up in the 'grass is greener' mentality... but sadly it's very rarely what it's cracked up to be. My own cousin broke off her marriage (which would have happened regardless) for an internet romance. He made promises and devoted love to her. She found out after a while he was a bit of a weirdo, just pretending to say and do all the right things. Sometimes you've got to appreciate what you have and work with it, instead of wishing for something more. But if then it doesn't work, then I think it's only fair to leave... no one likes to be cheated on, regardless of the situation.

I do hope 'mumofboys' can work this all out so that she can have a happy and stressfree pregnancy. The sooner she cuts out this other guy and talks to her hubby, the sooner it can hopefully be less confusing for her.
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Old 10-09-2006, 06:50 AM   #7
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Location: Br
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brazilman HB User
c/o StormGirl Re: pregnant and confused

You're pretty cool JC.


Hi StormGirl:

That was pretty cool of you. Thank you. But please don't go on spoiling me

I am usually a slow type, but I sure was quick enough to realize that you, StormGirl, had a lot of expertise to share and intelligent things to say here.

As for a good sense of humour: although I am still under 60, I am sure that a good sense of humour is the greatest bonus of old age.

As you probably know, English is not my first language. So I often have difficulty using colloquial English, saying in "fashionable" manner what I really mean.

As for the answers on this board: I don't think there are perfect answers. Every answer, every decision you make, entails a certain loss. I hardly believe in the motto: "You have nothing to lose." No matter what you do, you are always going to lose something. In the light of this, I think that the best answers here are those that encourage you to lose right now in the present rather than to postpone and lose in the future.

Best to you. And pleased to meet you.

JC

 
Old 10-09-2006, 03:20 PM   #8
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: lincoln, missouri, usa
Posts: 65
youngmom_2 HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

I am going to be completely honest with you because it seems to me that this is what you want. In my mind you only have one choice. Cut all ties with this internet man and go back to your husband. You have children and they don't deserve to have a mommy, daddy, and "the other guy." I know this may sound harsh but trust me. I have been in this situation and you have got to be honest with your husband. Get counseling. You both need it. It will be good for you both (and your children) for you to start over with dating again and rekindle the love. You can fall in love with anyone but it needs to be your husband. So date him all over again. Trust me it's worth it.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 07:27 AM   #9
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Location: wolverhamptom, west midlads, england
Posts: 4
nixnax HB User
Question Re: pregnant and confused

i think that you should make the decision with the thought of your kids in mind....but keep your own happiess in mind aswell. if you think that this new unborn baby is going to be born into a unhappy home then maybe you shouldt have it? all i am saying is to think things through carefully

hope it all works out for you

nixnax

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:39 PM   #10
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 182
Shorty39 HB User
Re: pregnant and confused

Maybe YOU should have it..........what is this .......are we God to decide who will come into this world NOW. How can you get rid of a live beating heart that has the capability to love you back and love others. TO JUST LOVE, That is so Awesome...

I really believe too, that you have to stop the internet relationship. You do have a family and thats what I believe you must concentrate on. He will come around and you'll both recapture what you once felt was alive. Just don't the two of you give up. It's very hard to decide to end a relationship when there's more than just the two of you. It's never easy to sit down and go threw things that you've both been given since your marriage and decide which one gets what. It's very hard to look at home movies that we make of our children and family and try and decide that the dad gets the first movie and mom gets second and dad third etccccccccc.. I've been there and as minute as it might sound. Just take a second thats all .......just a second and imagine yourself going through the things you have and giving up what the two of you share as one. It's SOOOOOOOO hard. I'm back with my childrens daddy and been together for 24 y/o now. But I will never forget the pain of who deserves what..........we only stayed apart for 3 months because we so felt the same way and I don't want anyone to EVER feel like that. Please keep your baby alive. You have other options after birth. Many people would love to have babies that cant. I'm not saying that you were even in the least thinking of having an abortion either. Just my opinion and we all have one. You just have to decide which part from each of us you want to listen too. We all are only giving you our thoughts.

Take care of yourself,
Patti

 
Old 10-12-2006, 10:35 AM   #11
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 101
JBravo556 HB User
Angry Re: pregnant and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jos&#233; Carlos
Hello:

I don't know your age (or the age of the Internet guy), but it is quite clear to me that this was an adventure for both of you. Be grateful for it, for the happy moments. Now it is high time you moved on.

Knowing that you were married, he should have been more careful and thoughtful and less selfish. Didn't he propose to wear a condom or anything? And I also think - please don't take it amiss - that if you had sex with him without having taken preventive measures, you have run unnecessary risks.

Thanks Goodness, you are certain that the baby you are carrying is your husband's. But what if it weren't?

Having gotten pregnant from your husband tells me something. You say that your husband shows you no love and attention. Nevertheless, you two have sex together and probably orgasmic sex, since you are pregnant. This means that not everything is lost. I don't think you are going to bed with your husband just to fulfill your duty as a wife, are you?

I am sorry to say, but I think I agree with plamodiumovale. You are going to have a baby and it's important that he or she is a healthy baby. You'd be better to direct most of your thoughts to this baby now. This must be a priority. This is what it takes to be a woman: more often than not, your personal life must come in the second place, if you see what I mean. This is especially true when you are pregnant.

Lastly, even if you weren't pregnant, I think you should quit this lover, unless you were bold enough to break your marriage and follow him. Would he then accept you and your two kids?

Best to you. And take care.

JC
Be grateful for it??? are you congratulaing her on cheating? what is this world coming to? your husband works his *** off and you go and cheat on him... this is a perfect example of why I think marriage doesn't make sense for men anymore. some women think the are entitled to the excitement that an affair brings.

My advice: Stop sleeping around. Leave your husband and tell him why. At least give him the chance to request a paternity test to see if the kid is actually his...

Last edited by JBravo556; 10-12-2006 at 10:41 AM.

 
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