I met a guy last night through my friend...she wanted to set us up for some time now so we arranged to all go out together in a big group to take the pressure off (and, if we didnt like each other at least we'd have a good time regardless). The guy is the best friend of her boyfriend, so I trust that hes a good guy which really helps!
Well, there was a lot of drinking and some bar-hopping, but through all that I think we managed to really get along. We stayed after everyone else left and he was very polite and mannerly toward me (did all the traditional things guys do for girls on dates- pull the chair out, touched the small of my back a few times, paid for my drinks, etc.) We talked a lot, but I didnt want to show much affection toward him seeing as we had just met.
It got late but we wanted to go one more place, so we thought we could either go out to another bar, or go back to his apt. for a drink seeing as he said he lived a block away. He kind of decided himself to go to his apt., but I didnt argue. As I was walking there with him I wondered if it was smart of me to be going...I didnt want him to get the wrong idea and I also didnt want to find myself in an awkward position. Anyway, part of me wonders if he just wanted to show off his apt. (its gorgeous), but I decided that I was a big girl and if I felt weird I would leave- and I would only stay for 40 min. He laughed that I was giving myself a cut-off time to leave, and we poured some wine and then we watched a bit of TV (?). I made a reference to how I wish we werent watching TV as I could do that at home, and he immediately turned it off and started talking with me. A few times he put his arm around my waist and was being a little playfully affectionate, but I said something to the effect of "I cant stay long...I just met you". I just wanted him to make sure that I was just there for a drink!
Anyway, as I was leaving, he gave me money for a cab (which is amazing) and he walked me out...but then when we got to his door, he said "Maybe we can hang out again sometime" and I said yeah we should, and that was it! I was standing a bit away from him b/c I didnt know he was going ot stop at his door, so there was no awkwardness with a kiss or hug or anything.
But- why didnt he ask for my #?
I mean he can clearly get it from my friend if he wanted to be dumb and go the round-about way. But, I am just so confused by that. If he doesnt want to see my again thats fine, but he seemed interested. Im wondering if I exuded the impression that I was uninterested seeing as I felt a little uncomfortable at his apt. Although the situation turned out to be fine. ??? I dont want to read too much into it but i guess Ive just never had a great night with a guy and then not have him ask for my # to see me again...
Well, this guy sounds like quite the gentleman (or else he had the act down...heh). Of course I have no way of knowing what goes through his mind, but I get the impression that he wanted something physical to happen. Especially since you all had been drinking. I mean, he was buying you drinks all night, then invited you to his apartment. He was very sweet, but I'm sure he was disappointed that nothing happened.
See I think the situation was a little clouded by the fact that this wasn't like a genuine date. I don't think it's a good idea for a first date to consist of nothing but bar-hopping. That is more of a looking-for-a-hook-up scenario.
It could be that it slipped his mind to ask for your number. Or it could be that he was looking for one thing and figures you won't deliver. Maybe you can talk to the friend that set you two up and see if he's mentioned anything.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
Well, yes, GypsyArcher, a drunken man should never drive. But was he that drunken?
Anyway, what I mean is this: a real gentleman would have escorted the woman. I find it very strange, honestly, that he allowed her to go all by herself with the taxidriver in the middle of the night. He should have gone together. That is how I see it.
And then I would never give the money like that. Somehow, I would have arranged to pay the taxidriver later... But that's me, you know.
I agree with JC, I think that he should have escorted you back home, in a taxi, especially that you were also drunk. He should have asked for your number, if only to make sure you arrived safe. I agree too that it would have been more gentlemanly to have paid the taxi driver instead of giving you the money to do so.
It is difficult to know if someone is into you from the "first" date anyway. I would definitely wait for him to take the next step. And no, you wanting to leave the apartmentr should not have left any impression that you were not interested. He must have respected your decision. There are many other signs that show that you were interested, the fact that you stayed together till later and that you accepted to have a drink in his place, the way you spoke to him, having told him that you didn't quite want to watch the tele, etc...
yes, be patient and let him take the initiative. If he is interested he will contsct you "soon".
CityGirl, maybe he felt afraid of rejection in case he asked you for your number? Or maybe he thought that he would be pushing you, having just met you? Don't worry, if he liked you enough, he will know how to get it
So I talked to my friend today (the one that set us up). She told me that she, her boyfriend, and the guy I got set up with went out last night. My friend said she didnt bring me up b/c she wanted him to bring me up first. Well, an HOUR into the night he finally brought me up.
He said that he didnt think I liked him very much. So my friend asked why, b/c I actually did like him.
He told her that he had taken me up to his apt. and tried to make out with me, and b/c I wouldnt, that means I wasnt into him.
UGHHHH!!!! Im appalled. My friend (and her boyfriend) argued with him that, just b/c a girl doesnt hook up with you doesnt mean she doesnt like you! In fact (the boyfriend said), most girls wont hook up with you the 1st time they meet u.
So, he argued, and then he finally said, well I liked her, and my friend said, she liked you too! and he said "well then she doesnt know me very well".
My friend is really upset b.c I think she is embarassed, since she told me she had the nicest gentleman of a guy to hook me up with. She feels really bad, but its funny cause I kind of dont care. Im just appalled! I was right- he just wanted to get some, and what makes it worse is that Im a friend of his friend's!! What did he think I was going to do, sleep with him the 1st moment i met him and then he would never talk to me again?
Ugh. Just had to update.