It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-08-2006, 04:14 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 5
Losing_it HB User
Please talk me out of this

Ok, so I'll start with saying I posted here about a month ago about my problem and got some great advice and so far i've followed it. But now a new problem has reared it's ugly head and I need help. I'll quickly sumarize my original ordeal.

Recently my husband was posted to Germany with the military. I am really tight with my family and my dad's been having many health issues so moving was a very difficult thing for me. I thought I was adjusting okay until I went home for my sister's wedding last month. I realized how much I missed home and got myself into a situation. I met my sister's new brother-in-law and we hit it off amazingly. There was chemistry and laughter and understanding. We never did anything sexual...not even kiss. We just cuddled and held each other and talked....alot. When he left to go home we didn't have a chance to exchange emails or phone numbers because there was family around and it would've looked strange. We just hugged stiffly and said goodbye. It was heart-breaking, mostly because I was losing a friend and knew I'd never see him again. It's now been a month and I've slowly started to get over it. I still think about him everyday but at least now not every minute of the day.

About a week ago I received an email from my mom which originally came from his mom (they became fast friends too). In it I found his email address as he was another person she had forwarded this email to. Now I have his email address and am contemplating emailing him. If I did I would just keep it casual and ask how he was doing. I'm not sure what I hope to gain from doing this. I know it will cause me more heartbreak whether I hear from him or not. Deep down I know this is a bad idea and wish I never saw his email address at all but too late for that. What I need is some reinforcement. This is a bad idea, right? But on the other hand, what if emailing him makes me see the light? Could it do that? Oh god....so confused. HELP!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-08-2006, 09:14 AM   #2
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
Posts: 224
brazilman HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

Quote:
Originally Posted by Losing_it
Ok, so I'll start with saying I posted here about a month ago about my problem and got some great advice and so far i've followed it. But now a new problem has reared it's ugly head and I need help. I'll quickly sumarize my original ordeal.

Recently my husband was posted to Germany with the military. I am really tight with my family and my dad's been having many health issues so moving was a very difficult thing for me. I thought I was adjusting okay until I went home for my sister's wedding last month. I realized how much I missed home and got myself into a situation. I met my sister's new brother-in-law and we hit it off amazingly. There was chemistry and laughter and understanding. We never did anything sexual...not even kiss. We just cuddled and held each other and talked....alot. When he left to go home we didn't have a chance to exchange emails or phone numbers because there was family around and it would've looked strange. We just hugged stiffly and said goodbye. It was heart-breaking, mostly because I was losing a friend and knew I'd never see him again. It's now been a month and I've slowly started to get over it. I still think about him everyday but at least now not every minute of the day.

About a week ago I received an email from my mom which originally came from his mom (they became fast friends too). In it I found his email address as he was another person she had forwarded this email to. Now I have his email address and am contemplating emailing him. If I did I would just keep it casual and ask how he was doing. I'm not sure what I hope to gain from doing this. I know it will cause me more heartbreak whether I hear from him or not. Deep down I know this is a bad idea and wish I never saw his email address at all but too late for that. What I need is some reinforcement. This is a bad idea, right? But on the other hand, what if emailing him makes me see the light? Could it do that? Oh god....so confused. HELP!
Hello:

Well, it is difficult to say anything, but it seems you need a quick fix, right?

On the other hand, it is easy to say anything when the problem is not affecting you. What would I do if I were in your shoes? I don't know.

But, analyzing the situation from the distance, in cold blood, I wouldn't e-mail the guy, because if I did, I would probably trigger a cascade of events and eventually lose control of it. This could be fun if I were single and had no other engagement, but being married, no. This would generate guilt, anger, betrayal, emotional pain, etc...

And, if I got it right, what would become of e-mailing him if you both live in different countries - Germany and America? The distance would be an additional torture for you.

Lastly, I would say: work on your marriage (you are probably still very young) and, if possible, find a worthwhile occupation so that your mind won't be idle and easily tempted.

Best to you.

JC

 
Old 10-08-2006, 08:49 PM   #3
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14
AZ18 HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

BAD IDEA. In a way, you're being unfaithful to your husband by even being interested in this guy. Forget about him.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 02:47 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia!!
Posts: 880
StormGirl HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

Don't do it. Delete the email from your Inbox and from your memory. The only thing you will gain from emailing this guy is confusion and bring about unhappiness in your life. I realise you miss your family, but you have a husband and your family will always be there for you. This guy is not the answer, and will cause more problems than you ever dreamt of, even though it probably feels exciting at the moment. Do you want to be put in the position where you have to choose between your husband, who has been through everything with you... and a man who you have spent a little bit of time with? It's hardly a rational comparison. And how would you feel if your husband found tell tale emails and was devastated? I'm guessing it's how you would feel if you found the same thing...

Do you have problems in your marriage? Or is it just that you are missing your family? Perhaps you need to look at how you can improve your marriage and increase communication with your family so that you do not feel lonely.

Cut the other guy out and don't tempt fate. It's not the solution to your problems. Concentrate on your marriage and improving your life... not complicating it with a guy whom you barely know. The grass is not always greener...

You know the right thing to do... so are you pressing that delete button yet?
__________________
StormGirl

 
Old 10-09-2006, 05:35 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,542
keepsgoin HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

I think that I'll keep this short and to the point...if you value your marriage and want to stay married, you won't take this relationship with this man any farther. If you start...you most likely will spiral out of control and fall hopelessly...madly in love with this other man...it's the natural progression of an affair.
__________________
I tells it likes a sees it

 
Old 10-09-2006, 05:53 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 679
Bracelet HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

I remember your original post about your situation. And I thought it was sad that you're having these problems. But your husband is in the military, I mean, he's out there right now fighthing for ALL of us to stay safe. I have a hell of a lot of respect for our military, and if I was ever married to a military guy, I'd do everything possible to make sure my husband had a beautiful home life to return to.

Maybe I just have a different perspective about it, but I think it would be really horrible for you to start emailing this other guy while your husband is out there putting his life on the line every day. I think it's really disrespectful. In a major way. He is out there fighting this war and dealing with bad guys every single day, and you're back home debating about whether or not you should cheat on him? Do you really have to ask?

I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm just saying.....he's not just on a business trip, here. Your husband lives in constant danger while being a part of this war. You need to be more respectful of him and your marriage, because how would you feel if you started a relationship with the other guy and then found out your husband was killed in the line of duty? Could you handle that?

 
Old 10-09-2006, 10:49 AM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 101
JBravo556 HB User
Re: Please talk me out of this

it sounds like you are asking everyone for permission to cheat on you husband... I think you should focus on making your relationship work... if not then leave your husband because no one deserves to be betrayed which is what you are doing

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please help with my back problem ELBOW2HEAD Back Problems 1 04-21-2010 05:23 AM
I need some advice, please gorgee Relationship Health 10 06-28-2008 07:43 PM
New to the board, advice needed, please hojo5353 Eating Disorder Recovery 3 08-03-2005 12:12 PM
PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope? lovingyou Relationship Health 202 06-20-2005 12:05 PM
high anxiety over break up - PLEASE HELP! sportrider Mental Health 13 04-10-2005 06:46 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:48 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!