Originally Posted by Losing_it
Ok, so I'll start with saying I posted here about a month ago about my problem and got some great advice and so far i've followed it. But now a new problem has reared it's ugly head and I need help. I'll quickly sumarize my original ordeal.
Recently my husband was posted to Germany with the military. I am really tight with my family and my dad's been having many health issues so moving was a very difficult thing for me. I thought I was adjusting okay until I went home for my sister's wedding last month. I realized how much I missed home and got myself into a situation. I met my sister's new brother-in-law and we hit it off amazingly. There was chemistry and laughter and understanding. We never did anything sexual...not even kiss. We just cuddled and held each other and talked....alot. When he left to go home we didn't have a chance to exchange emails or phone numbers because there was family around and it would've looked strange. We just hugged stiffly and said goodbye. It was heart-breaking, mostly because I was losing a friend and knew I'd never see him again. It's now been a month and I've slowly started to get over it. I still think about him everyday but at least now not every minute of the day.
About a week ago I received an email from my mom which originally came from his mom (they became fast friends too). In it I found his email address as he was another person she had forwarded this email to. Now I have his email address and am contemplating emailing him. If I did I would just keep it casual and ask how he was doing. I'm not sure what I hope to gain from doing this. I know it will cause me more heartbreak whether I hear from him or not. Deep down I know this is a bad idea and wish I never saw his email address at all but too late for that. What I need is some reinforcement. This is a bad idea, right? But on the other hand, what if emailing him makes me see the light? Could it do that? Oh god....so confused. HELP!
Well, it is difficult to say anything, but it seems you need a quick fix, right?
On the other hand, it is easy to say anything when the problem is not affecting you. What would I do if I were in your shoes? I don't know.
But, analyzing the situation from the distance, in cold blood, I wouldn't e-mail the guy, because if I did, I would probably trigger a cascade of events and eventually lose control of it. This could be fun if I were single and had no other engagement, but being married, no. This would generate guilt, anger, betrayal, emotional pain, etc...
And, if I got it right, what would become of e-mailing him if you both live in different countries - Germany and America? The distance would be an additional torture for you.
Lastly, I would say: work on your marriage (you are probably still very young) and, if possible, find a worthwhile occupation so that your mind won't be idle and easily tempted.
Best to you.