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Old 10-09-2006, 10:13 AM   #1
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why do I feel this way?

Seriously, if you asked me yesterday if I would care if my X was going out with someone, I would have said, "not really." and meant it.

I was told that Friday he was wasted and did nothing but talk about me, and when no one would say anything other than we didn't belong together...or worse....he showed up the next night with some girl.

No one knew her, and believe me, I know that when Micheal is into someone--he keeps her to himself. She left before he did, and they were not at all looking like they were 'together." BUT--As soon as I hung up the phone...I cried. Hard. Really hard.

I feel like absolute, total crap. Is it my ego? I did the breaking up here....I know it's for the best...and I have been trying so hard not to even think of him...(which doesn't work btw) That wedding was this past weekend, and it was hard. I went..and even had some fun, but I missed him. Then I come home to THIS??

What is wrong with me, and most importantly,...someone PLEASE make it stop. I feel like I could crawl in bed, cry myself to death--not sleep. It seems so much bigger than what it really should be--which is maybe a tinge of jealousy--not the world ending!!! has anyone ever felt so hurt when THEY did the breaking up, knew it was best, and was trying really really hard?

Or I am just completely retarded??

 
Old 10-09-2006, 10:21 AM   #2
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Re: why do I feel this way?

laurie - save yourself the heartache......just remember that he's not your problem anymore.....sooner or later whoever he's with is gonna get sick of his mess.....

 
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Old 10-09-2006, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: why do I feel this way?

I was in your place once. I was dating this guy for 8 years, over which time the relationship was horrible and it made me severely depressed. It was a really unhealthy relationship. And then I found out he was cheating on me with several girls. It was bad news.

I finally grew a pair and dumped him. Even after all of the mental, verbal and emotional abuse from him, I still cried and felt bad and went through the same emotions that you are going through now, even though I was the one who did the dumping.

It's normal, it's because you still have feelings for him. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that you should spend the rest of your life feeling crappy over him.

It's ok to grieve for a relationship that died. That's ok. But then, you have to pick yourself up and say to yourself - HEY, I'm not going to give a crap what this loser does with his life anymore! Laurie, this is your time to do your thing and not worry about a guy who was hurting you enough to make you want to break up with him.

Remember what it felt like when your emotions didn't depend on another person. Remember who Laurie is and what she likes to do as an independant individual away from any relationships. Find out if you've developed any new interests that you can spend more time doing now that you have the time. Take a class or learn a new craft at your park district. I mean, basically your world is open to do anything and everything that you want to do, because you're not tied down to someone who was totally and completely holding you back.

And don't worry about what he's doing. Whether he starts dating someone else or stays alone, it's not your concern anymore. Let this new girl deal with his BS now, it's not your problem anymore - YAY for YOU! I mean, how great is it that you never have to be hurt by this guy again? Do you know what I mean?

It's really hard at first, and this is still pretty fresh because it just happened. But you need to realize that anything he does from here on out doesn't matter, it's irrelevant in your life. Because he's not a part of your life anymore. You're going to start over and make your life five million times better than it ever was with him! Because the best revenge against a loser ex boyfriend is to LIVE your life happily for real.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 02:05 PM   #4
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Re: why do I feel this way?

tell your friends not to tell you about what he says or does.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 02:08 PM   #5
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Quote:
Originally Posted by redsoxgirl2418
tell your friends not to tell you about what he says or does.
I agree. Why do people do that? That is so mean.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 04:11 PM   #6
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Your X is Bipolar right? My daughter is BP also, all I can say is that BP people have this ability to become so intensely involved with a person, it's like a hurricane. Then, as if a switch has been flipped, they can act like the person never existed. I've seen my daughter do it a more than few times, one minute she is with her soulmate, then the next she has moved on with no pain.
What you are feeling is very painful, but if you weren't feeling pain, you would be like him wouldn't you? You are already a strong woman, think of how much stronger you will be once you have finally healed. Sadly, I don't have much hope anyone will truely bond with my daughter, and the same might be true for your X. Bipolar isn't curable, so think of it as a permanent disablity. They are very difficult people to live with.
Laurie, it sounds like you are quite the catch, so I personally can't wait to hear about the next lucky guy

 
Old 10-09-2006, 04:40 PM   #7
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Keep remembering it was a toxic relationship. You can do much better.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 05:01 PM   #8
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Re: why do I feel this way?

thank you THANK YOU thank you!!!!!! So many great things...such support!! After I have bored you all to TEARS with my darn young boy drama for the past year....and yet--here you are !!!

You all are awesome, and just wanted to say that it really, really helped me tons! I feel like I have been so strong...and today I fell apart over imagining him with another girl. Yuck. I just don't even wanna think about it cuz it makes me sick.

My friends have been really nice today too. They all said I was so not a baby for crying, and that I'd be a cold idiot if I wasn't. One of my friends said I get all week to have greasy hair and fat pants...then we're going out on Saturday for a good friend's bday party. (yes, another bday party!! lol) I laughed thru my tears at that one...

Told one of my friends earlier, "I can't believe I am being affected like this!! What's changed?? NOTHING. He's still mental, we still can't work, blablabla....I'm so mad at myself for being upset by this I'm gonna go kick my own a** in the bathroom, like Jim Carey did in Liar Liar!!"

We got a good laugh as she said she'd pay big bucks to see that. lol...No more wallowing in this. Also, someone here gave me really good advice, and said not to talk about him all the time, cuz it keeps me from moving on. That really hit home to me....guess that's my que to stop. Thanks for being there, ladies and gentlemen!!!!!! MWAH!!!!!!

 
Old 10-09-2006, 06:51 PM   #9
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurie864bla
has anyone ever felt so hurt when THEY did the breaking up, knew it was best, and was trying really really hard?
Every day of my life. Welcome to my world.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 07:18 PM   #10
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Laurie, I'm really glad to see that you've read what we have posted. There is some really awesome advice in this post and I'm glad that it helped you.

Just keep on doing your thing, because it's your time now. It's really nice to hear that we have been able to help.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 05:02 AM   #11
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Re: why do I feel this way?

Just wanted to say thanks...and that I haven't slipped or anything...just want to avoid thinking about him too much. Yesterday was better than the day before and I didn't care so much. The thing that's getting to me is feeling lonely. I hate feeling lonely....

So, tonight, we are all going to go watch my daughter's friend play football. A girl! How awesome is that? ha ha...It helps just having something to look forward to later, ya know? I mean, hanging out at home w my kids is fine, but I think I need to DO things. There's a big family party this weekend, and my friend's bday party the same night, and going to both. Friday me and the kids are doing movie night, and Sunday my son has a game.... So, the weekends all booked up and that makes me feel good. So far so good....

 
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